Henry mistakenly gets on a bus full of veterans, but when he discovers that it is actually going his way, he decides to stay on for the ride. He finds an empty seat and settles down next to a man who jerks his head sharply to the left every few seconds, over and over again. After watching this for several minutes, Henry finally becomes too curious to stay quiet. He turns to the man and asks, “What’s wrong with you?”
The man calmly replies, “I got this in the war.”
Henry finds the answer rather disturbing, so he quietly gets up and switches seats.
The next man he sits beside has uncontrollable spasms in his right leg, causing him to kick the seat in front of him every few seconds. Henry watches him for a while before finally asking, “What’s wrong with you?”
Again, the answer comes without hesitation: “I got this in the war.”
Henry immediately moves again, hoping the next seat will be safer.
The next poor veteran Henry sits beside begins erratically flailing his left hand around. Henry watches for a moment and finally says, “Let me guess. You got that in the war?”
The man looks at him seriously and replies, “No, I got it out of my nose. I just can’t get it off my hand.”
A trio of old veterans were bragging and joking about the heroic exploits of their ancestors one afternoon down at the VFW hall. “My great-grandfather, at age thirteen,” one declared proudly, “was a drummer boy at Shiloh.”
“Mine,” boasts another, “went down with Custer at the Battle of Little Bighorn.”
“I’m the only soldier in my family,” confessed veteran number three, “but if my great-grandfather were still living today, he’d be the most famous man in the world.”
“Really?” his friends asked, suddenly interested.
“What did he do?”
“Nothing much,” the third veteran replied with a completely straight face. “But he would be 165 years old.”
A well-dressed lawyer went into a bar for a martini and found himself sitting beside a scrungy-looking drunk who kept mumbling to himself while studying something in his hand. The attorney leaned closer as the drunk held the tiny object up to the light and slurred, “Well, it looks like plastic.”
Then he rolled it slowly between his fingers and added, “But it feels like rubber.”
Curious, the lawyer asked, “What do you have there, mister?”
The drunk stammered, “Damn if I know, but it looks like plastic and feels like rubber.”
The lawyer smiled and said, “Let me take a look.”
The drunk handed it over.
The attorney rolled it between his thumb and fingers, examined it closely, and finally said, “Yeah, it does look like plastic and feel like rubber, but I honestly don’t know what it is. Where did you get it, anyway?”
The drunk looked at him proudly and replied, “Out of my nose.”
—————————————————————————————————————————————————————
A police car pulled up in front of Grandma Bessie’s house, and out stepped Grandpa Morris.
The officer politely explained, “Ma’am, your husband said he got lost in the park and couldn’t find his way home.”
Grandma Bessie stared at Morris and said, “Lost? You’ve been going to that park for thirty years! How did you get lost today?”
Leaning in close so the officer couldn’t hear, Grandpa Morris whispered, “I wasn’t lost.”
“I was just too tired to walk home.”
A policeman pulls over an old man driving a pickup truck with the bed overflowing with ducks. The officer says sternly, “Sir, you can’t have a flock of ducks wandering around downtown. Take them to the zoo immediately!”
The old man nods, agrees, and drives away.
The next day, the officer spots the same pickup truck, still overflowing with ducks—but this time, every duck is wearing sunglasses. Frustrated, the officer pulls the man over again and exclaims, “I thought I told you to take these ducks to the zoo!”
The old man grins and replies, “I did! But now the little rascals want to go to the beach!”
——————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————–
A cowboy, fresh from Texas, strolls into a bar in Montana and orders three mugs of Bud. He heads to a corner and takes a sip from each mug, one after the other, in rotation. Once he’s finished, he returns to the bar and orders three more.
Curious, the bartender approaches him and says, “You know, beer goes flat pretty quickly after it’s poured. It might taste better if you just ordered one at a time.”
The cowboy smiles and explains, “Well, here’s the thing. I’ve got two brothers—one in Arizona and the other in Colorado.”
“When we all moved away from Texas, we promised that whenever we drank, we’d each have one for the others, just like we did back home. So I’m drinking for my brothers and myself.”
The bartender nods, impressed by the sentiment, and leaves it at that. The cowboy becomes a regular, always ordering three beers and sipping them in rotation.
One day, though, he walks in and orders only two mugs. The regulars notice the change immediately, and the bar suddenly becomes unusually quiet. When the cowboy returns to the bar for his second round, the bartender cautiously leans in and says, “I’m sorry for your loss. I just wanted to offer my condolences.”
The cowboy looks confused for a second, then bursts out laughing. “Oh, no, no one’s passed away!” he chuckles. “It’s just that my wife and I joined the Baptist Church, so I had to quit drinking.”
“But my brothers are still going strong!”
LOL! Hope this joke makes you smile! Have a great day!
An Old Cowboy Gets 3 Wishes
A modern-day old cowboy has spent many days crossing the desert without water. He’s crawling through the sand, certain that he has breathed his last, when suddenly he sees an object sticking out of the sand several yards ahead of him. With the last of his strength, he crawls toward it, pulls it from the sand, and discovers what looks like an old briefcase.
He opens it, and out pops a genie. But this is no ordinary genie. She wears an AUSTRALIAN TAXATION OFFICE badge and a dull grey dress.
There is a calculator in her pocketbook. She has a pencil tucked behind one ear. “Well, old cowboy,” says the genie. “You know how this works. You have three wishes.”
“I’m not falling for this,” says the old man. “I’m not going to trust an ATO auditor genie.”
“What do you have to lose?” the genie asks. “You have no transportation, and it looks like you’re a goner anyway!”
The old man thinks about this for a minute and decides the genie has a point.
“Shazam!”
Suddenly, the old cowboy finds himself in the most beautiful oasis he has ever seen, surrounded by jugs of wine, cool water, and enormous platters of delicious food.
“Okay, old boy, what’s your second wish?”
“My second wish is for me to be rich beyond my wildest dreams.”
“Shazam!”
The old man is suddenly surrounded by treasure chests filled with rare gold coins, diamonds, and precious gems.
“Okay, cowpuncher, you just have one wish left. Better make it a good one!”
After several minutes of deep thinking, the man finally says, “I wish that no matter where I go, beautiful women will want and need me.”
“Shazam!”
In an instant, he is transformed into a tampon.
Moral of the story:
If the government offers you anything, there’s probably a string attached.
+——————————————————————————————————————————————————————–
How much money did I have? Puzzles can come in many “flavors.” Today, there are millions to choose from online.
They can be math problems from school, crossword puzzles, optical illusions—and even classic old riddles. Riddles are especially popular, so here comes one that looks much easier than it really is.
How Much Money Did I Have? The riddle says:
I had 13 dollars. My mom gave me 10 dollars while my dad gave me 30 dollars.
My aunt and uncle gave me 100 dollars. I had another 5 dollars. How much money did I have?
We’ll reveal the correct answer below.
A
B
C
Here is the correct answer.
Have you come up with an answer? Take a deep breath and concentrate, because the answer might be easier than you think.
Maybe there is something hidden in the wording of the question that you missed? After the picture below, you can see whether you got the right solution.
The answer is 18 dollars.
The clue is in the wording. The question basically asks how much money “DID” I have. That means it is asking how much money you already had, not how much money you received from other people.
So, the money you had was 18 dollars. You originally had 13 dollars, plus another 5 dollars, which adds up to 18 dollars.
Clever, right?
Sometimes you really do have to think outside the box to find the answer.
———————————————————————————————————————————————————————————-
An elderly couple, Bert and Edna, are sitting on the porch swing one quiet Sunday evening. They’ve been married for 55 years.
The sun is setting, the birds are chirping, and they’re both sipping lukewarm tea while watching squirrels fight over a Cheeto in the yard. Out of the blue, Edna sighs and says, “Bert, let’s talk about our bucket lists.”
Bert raises an eyebrow. “Bucket lists? Edna, I’m 87. My list is down to ‘wake up tomorrow and remember where I put my pants.’”
Edna chuckles. “No, I’m serious. Before we go, we should each do something we’ve always wanted to do but never had the chance.”
Bert thinks for a moment. “All right, fine. I’ve always wanted to go skydiving.”
Edna’s eyes widen.
“Skydiving?! Bert, the last time you bent down to tie your shoe, you passed out for three minutes.”
Bert shrugs. “Well, if I die mid-air, just let me land in the neighbor’s garden. I’ve always wanted to haunt him.”
They laugh, and Edna nods. “Okay, okay. You go skydiving. I’ll do mine too.”
Bert squints. “And what’s yours?”
Edna suddenly gets a mischievous sparkle in her eye—the same one she had back in 1965 when she “accidentally” dropped Bert’s bowling trophy out the car window during an argument. “I’ve always wanted to confess something to you, Bert.”
Bert gulps.
“Confess what?”
Edna leans closer and whispers, “You know how your favorite recliner always mysteriously leaned to the left for twenty years?”
Bert nods. “Yeah. I blamed the dog. Poor thing limped for weeks.”
Edna smiles.
“Well, it was me. I jammed a spatula in the bottom after you spilled grape soda on my new curtains in ’89.”
Bert gasps. “You monster!”
Edna giggles.
“And remember that time the remote kept changing the channel to the Hallmark Channel, no matter which button you pressed?”
Bert blinks. “You said it was haunted!”
Edna smirks. “Nope. I glued a penny inside the battery compartment to short-circuit it. You never missed a single Christmas romance movie for five straight years.”
Bert’s mouth drops open. “Why would you do that?!”
Edna sips her tea, perfectly serene.
“Because payback, dear, is best served with mistletoe and slow-motion snowball fights.”
After a long pause, Bert leans back in the swing and says, “You know what, Edna? I’ve got a confession too.”
“Oh?” she says. “You remember my ‘fishing trips’ every Saturday for ten years?”
Edna eyes him suspiciously.
“You don’t fish.”
“I know,” Bert says proudly. “I was at the bowling alley. I won four trophies.”
“They’re hidden behind the water heater in the basement.”
Edna stares at him in disbelief. “You mean I accidentally dropped a decoy trophy out the car window?!”
They both burst into laughter. And from that day forward, Bert went skydiving, Edna bought a new recliner, and every Saturday they went bowling together—mostly to keep an eye on each other.
An 85-year-old couple, married for almost 60 years, tragically passed away in a car accident and arrived at the Pearly Gates. Thanks to the wife’s obsession with healthy diets and exercise, they had remained in remarkably good shape for the last decade. St. Peter greeted them warmly and led them to their heavenly mansion—complete with a huge bedroom, Jacuzzi, gourmet kitchen, and even a billiards table. “Wow! How much does this cost?” the husband asked.
“Nothing,” St. Peter replied. “This is Heaven—everything is free!”
Next, he showed them a championship golf course just minutes from their home, where they could play anytime, have an angel as a caddy, and enjoy a course that changed daily to mimic the world’s most elite greens.
“Incredible!” the wife said. “And the green fees?”
“Free,” St. Peter chuckled.
“This is Heaven.”
Then they toured a five-star restaurant featuring an all-you-can-eat feast—Wagyu beef, lobster, prime rib, exotic vegetables, and desserts straight from a dream. The husband, still skeptical, asked, “Okay…but how much?”
“Sir, for the last time…FREE. This is Heaven!”
The husband hesitated.
“Well…do you have any low-fat, low-cholesterol options?”
St. Peter laughed. “In Heaven, you’ll never gain weight or get sick. Eat whatever you want!”
Suddenly, the husband turned red, clenched his fists, and started shouting at the sky. “What’s wrong?” his wife asked, confused. He pointed at her and yelled, “THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT! If it weren’t for your damn bran muffins and paleo chicken, WE COULD HAVE BEEN HERE TEN YEARS AGO!”
LOL! Hope this joke makes you smile! Have a great day!
——————————————————————————————————————————————
Little Johnny failed his math test. His father asked, “Why did you fail your mathematics test?”
Johnny replied, “On Monday, the teacher said 3+5=8.”
His father frowned. “So?”
Johnny continued, “On Tuesday, she said 4+4=8.”
His father stared at him. “And?”
Johnny sighed. “On Wednesday, she said 6+2=8…”
…
..
. “If she can’t make up her mind, how am I supposed to know the right answer?”
==================================
Benjamin was in jail serving 30 years for robbing banks. After serving about 12 years, he was notified that his uncle from Ludhiana had died and left him more than $50,000.
Benjamin was thrilled when the warden told him the money would be placed in trust until he was released. The warden asked if there was anything he wanted to buy before the money was tied up. Benjamin said he had read a lot about computers and wanted one.
The warden said, “Sure,” and got him a brand-new Compaq computer. After a few weeks, the warden visited Benjamin’s cell to see how he was doing.
To his amazement, he saw the computer smashed on the floor. The warden stared at the wreckage and asked Benjamin what had happened. Benjamin said it didn’t work properly, so he got angry.
He explained that the computer would not even complete the simplest task. The warden asked what he had wanted the computer to do.
Benjamin said he wanted only one thing from the computer.
One simple task—and it couldn’t do it.
Benjamin said, “I hit the escape key and nothing happened. I hit the key again and still nothing happened. I’m still here! I think I’m going to sue Compaq.”
———————————————————————————————————————————————————————————–
The Right Answer
The teacher said, “I’ll give two dollars to the child who can tell me who was the most famous man who ever lived.”
An Irish boy put his hand up and said, “It was St. Patrick.” The teacher said, “Sorry, Sean, that’s not correct.”
Then a French boy put his hand up and said, “It was Napoleon.” The teacher replied, “I’m sorry, Pierre, that’s not right either.”
Finally, a Jewish boy raised his hand and said, “It was Jesus Christ.” The teacher said, “That’s absolutely right, Maurice. Come up here and I’ll give you two dollars.”
As the teacher was giving Maurice his money, she said, “You know, Maurice, I was surprised you said Jesus Christ.”
Maurice replied, “Yeah. In my heart I knew it was Moses, but business is business.”
The woman was very rich, and the man was poor but honest.
She liked him, but that was all, and he knew it. One night he had been a little more tender than usual. “You are very rich,” he ventured.
“Yes,” she replied frankly. “I’m worth 1.25 million dollars.”
“And I’m poor,” he replied. “Will you marry me?”
“No.”
“I thought you would say no.”
“Then why did you ask me?”
“Oh, just to see how a man feels when he loses 1.25 million dollars.”
Stanley is looking for a new desk for his office, and he spots one that looks perfect in an antique shop window. He goes inside and asks the shopkeeper how much it is.
“That desk is going for $5,000,” says the shopkeeper. “$5,000 for an old desk? That’s outrageous!” exclaims Stanley.
“Ah,” says the shopkeeper, “but this is a magic desk.” He turns to the desk and asks, “Desk, how much money do I have in my pocket?”
The desk taps one of its legs on the floor four times. The shopkeeper turns out his pocket and, sure enough, there are four dollar coins inside.
“Wow, that’s pretty cool,” says Stan.
“Alright, desk, how much money does my wife have in her bank account?”
At this, the desk goes wild, manically banging all four of its legs up and down repeatedly for over five minutes without stopping.
Stanley stares at the desk in shock.
“Darn,” he whispers. “Where did she get all that money?”
The desk’s legs suddenly slide apart, and its drawers drop open.
——————————————————————————————————-
A Texan Farmer Goes To Australia
A Texan farmer is on vacation in Australia. There, he meets an Australian farmer and strikes up a conversation. The Australian shows off his enormous wheat field, and the Texan says:
“Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large.”
Then they walk around the ranch for a bit, and the Australian shows off his enormous herd of cattle. The Texan immediately says:
“We have longhorns that are at least twice as large as your cows.”
The conversation is now almost at a standstill when the Texan sees a herd of kangaroos hopping through the field. He points toward them and asks, “And what are those?”
The Australian responds with an incredulous look.
“Don’t you have any grasshoppers in Texas?”
Hope this joke makes you smile! Have a nice day!!!
A government man approaches a pig farmer one day.
A government man approaches a pig farmer and asks him what he feeds his pigs. The farmer answers, “Oh, the pigs? I just feed them whatever scraps I have lying around.”
The man is shocked. He says, “Sir, this is animal cruelty! I’ll have to fine you $10,000!”
The next day, another official approaches the farmer and asks him what he feeds his pigs. The farmer replies, “Oh, the pigs? Only the best products, sir! Caviar, artisanal cheeses, and hand-picked salads!”
The man is shocked. He says, “Sir, the food is far too rich for them. They’ll get sick! I’ll have to fine you $10,000!”
On the third day, another man approaches the farmer and asks him what he feeds his pigs.
The farmer answers, “Oh, the pigs? I’ll give them twenty bucks each and let them shop for themselves.”
LOL! Hope this joke makes you smile! Have a nice day!!
———————————————————————————————————————
A Man and Smart Witty Beggar
A man walks past a beggar every day and gives him $2, and that continues for a year. Then, suddenly, the daily donation changes to $1.50. “Well,” he thinks, “it’s always better than nothing.”
A year passes in this way until the man’s daily donation suddenly becomes $1.00.
“What’s going on now?” the beggar asks his donor. “First you give me $2 every day, then $1.50, and now only $1. What’s the problem?”
“Well,” the man says, “my eldest son went to college last year. It’s very expensive, so I had to cut my costs.
This year, my eldest daughter also went to university, so I had to cut my expenses even further.”
“And how many children do you have?” asks the beggar.
“Four,” the man replies.
“Well,” says the beggar, “I hope you don’t plan to educate them all at my expense.”
Two Beggars in London
Two beggars in London, Ali and Habib, beg in different areas of the city. Habib begs just as long as Ali does but only gets £2 to £3 every day.
Ali brings home a suitcase full of £10 notes, drives a Mercedes, lives in a mortgage-free house, and always seems to have plenty of money to spend. Habib finally asks Ali, “I work just as long and hard as you do, but how is it that you bring home a suitcase full of £10 notes every day?”
Ali says, “Look at your sign. What does it say?”
Habib’s sign reads, “I have no job, a wife, and six kids to support.”
Ali nods. “No wonder you only get £2 or £3.”
Habib says, “So what does your sign say?”
Ali proudly shows his sign to Habib.
It reads:
“I only need another £10 to move back to my country.”
LOL! Hope this joke makes you smile! Have a nice day!
————————————————————————————————————————-
A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home. One day, he finally snapped and decided she had no idea what he went through. He prayed, “Dear Lord, I go to work every day and put in eight hours while my wife merely stays at home. I want her to know what I go through, so please create a trade in our bodies.”
God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man’s wish.
The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman. He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate, awakened the kids, set out their school clothes, fed them breakfast, packed their lunches, drove them to school, came home and picked up the dry cleaning, took it to the cleaners, and stopped at the bank to draw out money to pay the power bill and telephone bill. He drove to the power company and the phone company and paid the bills, went grocery shopping, came home, and put away the groceries. He cleaned the cat’s litter box and bathed the dog.
Then it was already 1 p.m., and he hurried to make the beds, do the laundry, vacuum, dust, and sweep and mop the kitchen floor. He ran to the school to pick up the kids and got into an argument with them on the way home. He set out cookies and milk and got the kids organized to do their homework, then set up the ironing board and watched TV while he did the ironing.
At 4:30, he began peeling potatoes and washing greens for salad, breaded the pork chops, and snapped fresh beans for supper. After supper, he cleaned the kitchen, ran the dishwasher, folded laundry, bathed the kids, and put them to bed.
At 9 p.m., he was exhausted. And though his daily chores still weren’t finished, he went to bed where he was expected to have a “great time” with his wife—which he somehow managed to get through without complaint.
The next morning he awoke and immediately knelt beside the bed and said, “Lord, I don’t know what I was thinking. I was so wrong to envy my wife’s being able to stay home all day. Please, oh please, let us trade back.”
The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied,
“My son, I feel you have learned your lesson, and I will be happy to change things back to the way they were…”
…
… “You’ll have to wait nine months, though. You got pregnant last night!”
=========
There are two buddies, one with a Doberman Pinscher and the other with a Chihuahua.
The guy with the Doberman Pinscher says to his friend, “Let’s go over to that restaurant and get something to eat.”
The guy with the Chihuahua says, “We can’t go in there. We’ve got dogs with us.”
The buddy with the Doberman Pinscher says, “Just follow my lead.”
They walk over to the restaurant, and the guy with the Doberman Pinscher puts on a pair of dark glasses and starts to walk in. The bouncer at the door says, “Sorry, Mac, no pets allowed!”
The man with the Doberman Pinscher says, “You don’t understand. This is my seeing-eye dog.”
The bouncer looks at the Doberman and says, “A Doberman Pinscher?”
He answers, “Yes. They’re using them now. They’re very good, and they protect me from robbers, too.”
The man at the door thinks for a moment, then says, “Come on in.”
The buddy with the Chihuahua figures, “What the heck!” He puts on a pair of dark glasses and starts to walk in.
Once again, the bouncer says, “Sorry, pal, no pets allowed!”
The guy with the Chihuahua says, “You don’t understand. This is my seeing-eye dog.”
The bouncer stares at the tiny dog.
“A Chihuahua?”
The man with the Chihuahua looks down at his dog, then back at the bouncer and says,
“A Chihuahua? They gave me a Chihuahua?”
————————————————————————————————————————————
A customer left his cell phone in a store.
When a customer left his cell phone in my store, I scrolled through his saved numbers, stopped at “Mom,” and pressed send. His mother answered, and I told her what had happened.
“Don’t worry,” she said. “I’ll take care of it.”
A few minutes later, the cell phone rang.
It was “Mom.”
…
… “Martin,” she said, “you left your cell phone at the convenience store.”
======
Chap goes into a bar and orders a vodka and Coke.
The bartender serves him. The man drinks it, orders another, and then another. This goes on for a while until the chap begins to slow down.
The bartender asks, “Is there anything the matter, sir?”
The chap replies, “I had an enormous argument with my wife. She said she won’t speak to me for a month. I have to sleep on the sofa.”
The bartender says, “Best bet is to stop drinking, go home, and don’t let this argument carry on past the first night. Nip it in the bud.”
The chap sighs and says, “You don’t understand.”
The bartender raises an eyebrow.
“This is the last night.”
=====
A blonde stopped at a gas station, got out of the car, opened the hood, and checked the engine oil. After a few seconds of what appeared to be very serious and intelligent thinking, she took the dipstick in her hand and walked over to the attendant.
“Excuse me,” she said, “but can I buy a longer dipstick?”
“Sure, ma’am, of course. Why do you need a longer one?”
“Because this one isn’t long enough to reach the oil.”
————————————————————————————————
Two blondes were flying to Miami from Cleveland.
Fifteen minutes into the flight, the captain announced, “One of the engines has failed and the flight will be an hour longer. But don’t worry; we still have three engines.”
Thirty minutes later, the captain announced, “One more engine has failed and the flight will be two hours longer. But don’t worry; we still have two engines left.”
An hour later, the captain announced, “One more engine has failed and the flight will be three hours longer. But don’t worry; we still have one engine left.”
…
…
One blonde looked at the other blonde and said, “If we lose one more engine, we’ll be up here all day!”
============================================
A husband was addicted to smoking and drinking. One day, his wife became so angry that she told him, “If you keep on smoking, all of your intestines will fall out.”
Her husband didn’t believe her, so he kept smoking and drinking just as he always had. His wife was determined to prove herself right, so one day she went out early in the morning and bought some large sausages resembling intestines.
She carefully placed them in her husband’s underwear while he slept. A short while later, he woke up, let out a huge scream, and then fell silent for the next thirty minutes. After another thirty minutes of silence, he finally came downstairs, sweating profusely.
“What happened?” asked the wife.
“You were right!” he cried. “My intestines really did come out! But don’t worry, honey—after a lot of work, I finally managed to push them back in.”
================================
Michael’s wife, refusing to give in to the signs of growing older, goes out and buys a new line of expensive cosmetics guaranteed to make her look years younger.
After a lengthy session in front of the mirror applying the “miracle” products, she turns to her husband and asks, “Darling, honestly, if you didn’t know me, what age would you say I am?”
Looking her over carefully, Michael replies, “Judging from your skin, twenty; your hair, eighteen; and your figure, twenty-five.”
“Oh, you flatterer!” she gushes.
Just as she is about to tell Michael what his reward will be, he stops her.
“Whoa, hold on there, sweetie…”
He pauses dramatically.
“I haven’t added them up yet!”
P.S. — Please let us know if you’ve seen him. We’re very worried.
—————————————————————————————————
An irate father stormed into the principal’s office.
“I want to know why my son Winslow was given a zero on his English examination.”
“We’ll get Winslow’s English teacher in here. I’m sure she has some explanation,” the principal said.
A few minutes later, the English teacher came in.
“Why did you give Winslow a zero on his test?” demanded the father.
“I had no choice,” said the teacher. “He handed in a blank paper with absolutely nothing on it.”
“That’s no excuse,” shouted the father.
…
..
. “You could have at least given him an ‘A’ for neatness!”
==============================
Machine and Bottle. After the birth of their first child, Tom and Sarah decided it was time to write a will and get their affairs in order.
They went to a lawyer and outlined their ideas about how their estate should be handled. The lawyer then asked them questions about what medical means should be employed should they become severely injured. Tom spoke up, “I don’t want my life regulated by some machine. I just can’t stand the idea of receiving my nourishment from a bottle.”
Sarah took Tom’s words to heart.
When they got home, she cut the TV cord and dumped out all of Tom’s beer.
————————————————————————————————————————-
A lady lost her handbag in the bustle of Christmas shopping.
It was found by an honest little boy and returned to her. Looking in her purse, she commented, “Hmm…that’s funny.”
“When I lost my bag, there was a $20 bill in it. Now there are twenty $1 bills.”
The boy quickly replied,
“That’s right, lady. The last time I found a lady’s purse, she didn’t have any change for a reward.”
LOLLLL! Did you laugh? We hope you enjoyed this joke. Have a nice day!
You are loved!
====================================
First day on the job, and this trainee already knows how to handle the big boss!
A man starts his first day as a trainee at a huge corporate empire. Feeling bold, he picks up the phone and dials the pantry.
“Get me a coffee, quickly!” he demands.
But—oops!
He didn’t dial the pantry.
A voice on the other end snaps back, “You fool! You’ve dialed the wrong extension! Do you even know who you’re talking to, dumbo?!”
“No,” the trainee replies calmly.
The voice on the other end huffs, “It’s the CEO of the company, you fool!”
The trainee thinks for a second, then shouts back, “And do you know who YOU’RE talking to, you fool?!”
The CEO, now completely confused, asks, “No. Who?”
The trainee replies,
“Good!”
And hangs up.
