The teacher said to the children:
“In a paddock, there were twelve sheep. Six of them got out by jumping over the fence. How many sheep are left behind?”
“None,” little Jim said.
“None?” the teacher asked, surprised. “Jim, you’re clueless in math.”
“And you, miss, are clueless about sheep! As soon as the first sheep jumps out, the others will follow as well!”
Jim and Edna were both patients at a mental hospital. Everyone at the hospital knew they were close friends, and although their unusual way of thinking often confused the doctors, they seemed to understand each other perfectly.
One day, Jim jumped into the hospital swimming pool but didn’t come back up for air. Quick as a flash, Edna saw her friend in trouble, dove into the water, and pulled him out. The staff rushed over, and after making sure Jim was safe, everyone praised Edna for saving his life. Later that afternoon, the hospital director called Edna into his office and said, “Edna, I’ve got some good news and some bad news.”
“The good news is that we are releasing you because you have clearly demonstrated that you are capable of recognizing danger and saving another person’s life. But unfortunately, the bad news is that Jim hanged himself in the bathroom…”
“Oh no,” Edna replied sadly. Then, after a moment, she added, “That’s where I put him to dry!”
Two Texas farmers, Jim and Bob, were sitting in a bar, enjoying a few beers. Jim suddenly turned to Bob and said, “You know what? I’m going to go to college!”
He then left the bar and made his way over to the local college, determined to learn something new and prove that he could handle higher education.
He was met by the Dean of Administration, who began explaining to Jim what classes he would be taking. “All right, Jim. You’re going to take four classes,” the Dean said.
“English, Math, Science, and Logic.”
“Logic?” Jim asked. “What the hell is that?”
“Here, I’ll give you an example. Do you own a weed whacker?”
Proudly, Jim responded, “Yes, I do.”
“Well, if you own a weed whacker, then logically speaking, you own a lawn,” the Dean explained.
“Yes, yes, I do have a lawn!”
“Well, if you have a lawn, then logically speaking, you own a house.”
“Yes, yes, I do have a house!”
“And if you have a house, then logically speaking, you have a family.”
“Yes, yes, I do have a family!”
“And if you have a family, then logically speaking, you have a wife. And if you have a wife, then logically speaking, you’re heterosexual.”
“Yes, yes, I do have a wife, and I am heterosexual! Wow, I can’t believe you figured all of that out just because you knew I had a weed whacker!” Jim exclaimed, amazed by what he had just learned.
“Yeah, that’s what logic is,” the Dean replied with a smile. Jim was so impressed that he hurried back to the bar, eager to show Bob what he had learned. Bob was still sitting there, waiting for him.
“Bob, I’m taking four classes in college,” Jim announced proudly.
“English, Math, Science, and Logic,” Jim told Bob.
“Logic?” Bob asked. “What the hell is that?”
“Here, I’ll give you an example.”
“Do you own a weed whacker?”
“No.”
Jim thought for a moment, then nodded knowingly.
“Then you’re gay.”
