Every Sunday, the entire Johnson family had a giant group video call.
Grandma Carol always complained nobody visited enough.
Dad always muted himself while yelling at the dog.
And Uncle Rick somehow turned every conversation into a conspiracy theory.
But this Sunday got interesting fast.
Jake had just introduced his brand-new girlfriend, Vanessa.
Vanessa was gorgeous, confident, and about ten years older than Jake.
The family immediately went silent.
Finally Grandma Carol adjusted her glasses and asked:
“So dear… what exactly do you see in my grandson?”
Vanessa smiled sweetly.
“Well… he’s mature for his age.”
The entire family burst out laughing.
Jake looked offended.
“What’s so funny?”
His older sister Megan nearly choked on her wine.
“Jake, last month you called Mom because you forgot how to use the washing machine.”
Jake defended himself immediately.
“That thing has too many buttons!”
Dad grinned.
“Son, your mother taught you laundry when you were twelve.”
Jake shrugged.
“Yeah, but technology changes.”
Vanessa laughed so hard she snorted.
Then Grandma Carol leaned toward the camera and delivered the killer line:
“Honey, if you can successfully date a man who still Googles ‘how long to boil eggs’ every Sunday morning… that’s not a boyfriend.”
She took a sip of tea.
“That’s a long-term community service project.”
