There was this party in the woods and, all of a sudden, a violent downpour of rain and thunder swept through the area. These two young men ran for about 10 minutes through the pouring rain, slipping through the mud and desperately trying to reach their car. Finally, just as the rain suddenly began to let up, they reached the vehicle. Soaked, breathless, and laughing nervously at their bad luck, they jumped inside, slammed the doors, started the engine, and headed down the dark, winding road.
All of a sudden, an old man’s face appeared outside the passenger window, and he tapped lightly on the glass. The man on the passenger side screamed out,
“Eeeeeeekkk! Look at my window!
There’s an old guy’s face there!”
The old man kept knocking slowly, almost patiently, against the glass. The passenger stared at him in complete terror, unable to understand how anyone could possibly be standing beside their moving car. Finally, the driver said, “Well, open the window a little and ask him what he wants!”
So the passenger rolled his window down just a crack and said, scared out of his wits, “What do you want?”
The old man leaned closer and softly replied, “Do you have any tobacco?”
The passenger, still trembling, looked at the driver and said, “He wants tobacco.”
“Well, offer him a cigarette! Hurry!” the driver replies. So the passenger fumbles around with the pack, pulls out a cigarette with shaking fingers, and cautiously hands it to the old man.
Now going about 80 miles an hour, they finally begin to calm down. The two men exchange nervous looks, then start laughing at how ridiculous the whole situation seems. After a few moments, the passenger shakes his head and says, “What do you think about that?”
The driver says, “I don’t know. How could that be? I was going pretty fast.”
Then all of a sudden, there is another knock, and there is the old man again.
“Aaaaaaaaaaaaah, there he is again!” the passenger yells. “Well, see what he wants now!” yells back the driver. The passenger slowly rolls down the window a little, hardly daring to look outside, and shakily says, “Yes?”
“Do you have a light?” the old man quietly asks.
The passenger immediately throws a lighter out of the window. They are now going about 100 miles an hour, both men staring straight ahead and trying desperately to forget what they had just seen and heard. Neither of them wants to say another word about the strange old man. Then, all of a sudden, there is more knocking. Three slow taps against the glass.
“Oh my God!
He’s back!”
The passenger rolls down the window and screams out, “What do you want now?”
The old man calmly replies, “You want some help getting out of the mud?”
1. My friend has a fine watch dog. At any suspicious noise, he wakes the dog, and the dog immediately begins to bark.
2. “What did one ghost say to another?”
“Do you believe in people?”
3. “Where did you get those big eyes?”
“They came with the face.”
4.
“My wife doesn’t know what she wants.”
“You’re lucky. My wife does.”
5. “Room Service?
Can you send up a towel?”
“Please wait. Someone else is using it.”
6. I was thinking of becoming a doctor. I have the handwriting for it.
7. My wife told me to go out and get something that makes her look s-e.xy… so I got drunk. 8.
Daughter: Mommy, what’s it like to have the most awesome daughter in the world? Mother: I don’t know, ask your grandmother. 9.
A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it. 10. Life is all about perspective.
The sinking of the Titanic was a miracle to the lobsters in the ship’s kitchen. 11. One day while in a bank, an old lady asked if I could help her check her balance… so I pushed her over.
12. “Do you think I’ll lose my looks as I get older?”
“Yes, if you’re lucky.”
13. I’ll change my Facebook username to NOBODY,
So that way when people post crappy posts,
and I press the like button, it will say NOBODY likes this.
14. “Has there been any insanity in your family?”
“Yes, doctor. My husband thinks he’s the boss.”
15.
You’re not fat, you’re just… easier to see. 16. What did one ocean say to the other ocean?
Nothing, they just waved. 17. A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.
18. Man: I want to share everything with you. Woman: Let’s start with your bank account.
19. “Young man, do you think you can handle a variety of work?”
“I ought to be able to. I’ve had 12 different jobs in four months.”
