Two old men decide they are getting close to their last days and decide to have one final night on the town. After a few drinks, they somehow end up at the local brothel. The madam takes one look at the two old geezers and whispers to her manager, “Go upstairs to the first two bedrooms and put an inflated doll in each bed.
These two are so old and drunk, I’m not wasting two of my girls on them. They won’t know the difference.”
The manager does exactly as she is told, and the two old men go upstairs and take care of their business. A little while later, they come back downstairs, pay their bill, and begin the long walk home.
As they are walking along the quiet street, the first man suddenly says, “You know, I think my girl was dead!”
“Dead?” his friend asks. “Why would you say that?”
“Well, she never moved or made a sound the entire time I was with her.”
His friend scratches his head and replies, “That’s strange. I think mine was a witch.”
“A witch? Why would you say that?”
“Well, I was making love to her, kissing her on the neck, and I gave her a little bite. Then she farted, flew straight out the window, and disappeared into the night!”
Two drunks enter a hotel late at night.
They stagger up to the night clerk, and one of them says, “Could you please give us a bed with two rooms?”
“You mean a room with two beds?” asks the clerk.
“Whatever, whatever you say,” the drunk replies.
So the clerk gives them a key, and somehow they manage to stumble upstairs to their room. After fumbling with the key for nearly ten minutes, they finally get the door open.
As they stumble inside, the door closes behind them, leaving them in total darkness. They slowly make their way forward, and both of them fall onto the nearest bed.
“Ahhh,” says one of them. “Now we can finally get some sleep.”
But as they try to rearrange themselves, they suddenly realize that they are not alone in the bed.
“Hey! There’s somebody in my bed!” one of them shouts.
“There’s somebody in my bed too!” the other replies. “Let’s get rid of them!”
“We paid for this room, and we’re going to sleep in these beds!” says the first.
They immediately begin a tremendous struggle. They shove, push, wrestle, and heave until eventually one of them manages to throw the other person out of the bed.
“ALL RIGHT!” he shouts triumphantly. “I’ve thrown mine off the bed!”
“You’re lucky,” says the other. “I got thrown off too, but I’m too tired to fight anymore.”
“Well, never mind,” says the first. “Why don’t you just come and share my bed? Let’s get some sleep around here.”
————————————————————————————————————————————————————————-
A police car pulled up in front of Grandma Bessie’s house, and out stepped Grandpa Morris. The officer politely explained, “Ma’am, your husband said he got lost in the park and couldn’t find his way home.”
Grandma Bessie stared at Morris in disbelief.
“Lost? You’ve been going to that park for 30 years! How did you get lost today?”
Grandpa Morris leaned in close so the officer couldn’t hear and whispered, “I wasn’t lost. I was just too tired to walk home.”
A policeman pulls over an old man driving a pickup truck with the bed overflowing with ducks.
The officer says sternly, “Sir, you can’t have a flock of ducks wandering around downtown. Take them to the zoo immediately!”
The old man nods, agrees, and drives away. The next day, the officer spots the same pickup truck, still overflowing with ducks—but this time, every single duck is wearing sunglasses.
Frustrated, the officer pulls the man over again and exclaims, “I thought I told you to take these ducks to the zoo!”
The old man grins and replies, “I did! But now the little rascals want to go to the beach!”
——————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————–
A cowboy, fresh from Texas, strolls into a bar in Montana and orders three mugs of beer.
He heads to a corner table and takes a sip from each mug, one after the other, rotating between them. Once he’s finished, he returns to the bar and orders three more. Curious, the bartender approaches him and says, “You know, beer goes flat pretty quickly after it’s poured.
It might taste better if you just ordered one at a time.”
The cowboy smiles and explains, “Well, here’s the thing. I’ve got two brothers—one in Arizona and the other in Colorado. When we all moved away from Texas, we promised that whenever we drank, we’d each have one for the others, just like we did back home.
“So I’m drinking for my brothers and myself.”
The bartender nods, impressed by the sentiment, and leaves him alone. The cowboy becomes a regular, always ordering three beers and sipping them in rotation.
One day, though, he walks into the bar and orders only two mugs.
The regulars notice immediately. The room grows strangely quiet, and the bartender cautiously approaches him.
“I’m sorry for your loss,” the bartender says. “I just wanted to offer my condolences.”
The cowboy looks confused for a moment, then suddenly bursts out laughing.
“Oh, no, no one’s passed away!” he chuckles. “It’s just that my wife and I joined the Baptist Church, so I had to quit drinking. But my brothers are still going strong!”
LOL!!
Hope this joke makes you smile! Have a nice day!!
An Old Cowboy Gets Three Wishes
A modern-day old cowboy has spent many days crossing the desert without water.
He’s crawling through the sand, certain that he has breathed his last, when suddenly he sees an object sticking out of the sand several yards ahead of him. With the last of his strength, he crawls toward it, pulls it out of the sand, and discovers what looks like an old briefcase.
He opens it—and out pops a genie.
But this is no ordinary genie. She wears an AUSTRALIAN TAXATION OFFICE badge and a dull grey dress. There is a calculator in her pocketbook.
She even has a pencil tucked behind one ear.
“Well, old cowboy,” says the genie. “You know how this works. You have three wishes.”
“I’m not falling for this,” says the old man.
“I’m not going to trust an ATO auditor genie.”
“What do you have to lose?” the genie asks. “You have no transportation, no water, and it looks like you’re a goner anyway!”
The old man thinks about this for a minute and finally decides the genie has a point.
“Fine,” he says. “Let’s see what happens.”
Shazam!
“Okay, I wish I were in a lush oasis with lots of food and drink.”
Shazam!
The old cowboy suddenly finds himself in the most beautiful oasis he has ever seen, surrounded by sparkling water, jugs of wine, and enormous platters of delicious food.
“Okay, old boy,” says the genie. “What’s your second wish?”
“My second wish is to be rich beyond my wildest dreams.”
Shazam!
The old man is suddenly surrounded by treasure chests overflowing with rare gold coins, diamonds, and precious gems.
“Okay, cowpuncher,” says the genie. “You have just one wish left. Better make it a good one!”
The old man thinks for several minutes. Finally, he smiles.
“I wish that no matter where I go, beautiful women will want and need me.”
Shazam!
The old cowboy is turned into a tampon.
Moral of the story:
If the government offers you anything, there’s always going to be a string attached.
+——————————————————————————————————————————————————————–
How Much Money Did I Have?
Puzzles come in many “flavors.” Today, there are millions to choose from online. They can be math problems from school, crossword puzzles, optical illusions—and even classic old riddles.
Riddles are especially popular, so here comes one of those deceptively simple questions that can make you second-guess yourself.
The question is:
How Much Money Did I Have?
The riddle says:
“I had 13 dollars. My mom gave me 10 dollars while my dad gave me 30 dollars. My aunt and uncle gave me 100 dollars.
I had another 5 dollars. How much money did I have?”
We’ll reveal the correct answer below.
A
B
C
Here is the correct answer.
Have you come up with an answer? Take a deep breath and concentrate. The answer might be much easier than you think. Maybe there is something hidden in the wording of the question that you’re overlooking.
After the picture below, you can see whether you got the right solution.
The answer is **18 dollars**.
The clue is in the question itself. It asks how much money you **“did”** have.
That means it is asking how much money you already had—not how much money you received from your parents and relatives.
Therefore, you had 13 dollars originally, plus another 5 dollars that you already had with you.
13 + 5 = 18 dollars.
Clever, right?
Sometimes the hardest part of a riddle isn’t the mathematics. It’s noticing exactly what the question is asking.
———————————————————————————————————————————————————————————-
An elderly couple, Bert and Edna, are sitting on the porch swing one quiet Sunday evening. They’ve been married for 55 years. The sun is setting, the birds are chirping, and they’re both sipping lukewarm tea while watching squirrels fight over a Cheeto in the yard.
Out of the blue, Edna sighs and says, “Bert, let’s talk about our bucket lists.”
Bert raises an eyebrow. “Bucket lists? Edna, I’m 87.
“My list is down to ‘wake up tomorrow and remember where I put my pants.’”
Edna chuckles. “No, I’m serious. Before we go, we should each do something we’ve always wanted to do but never had the chance.”
Bert thinks for a moment.
“Alright, fine. I’ve always wanted to go skydiving.”
Edna’s eyes widen. “Skydiving?!
“Bert, the last time you bent down to tie your shoe, you passed out for three minutes.”
Bert shrugs. “Well, if I die mid-air, just let me land in the neighbor’s garden. I’ve always wanted to haunt him.”
They laugh, and Edna nods.
“Okay, okay. You go skydiving. I’ll do mine too.”
Bert squints.
“And what’s yours?”
Edna suddenly gets a mischievous sparkle in her eye—the same one she had back in 1965 when she “accidentally” dropped Bert’s bowling trophy out the car window during an argument.
“I’ve always wanted to confess something to you, Bert.”
Bert gulps.
“Confess what?”
Edna leans closer and whispers, “You know how your favorite recliner always mysteriously leaned to the left for 20 years?”
Bert nods.
“Yeah. I blamed the dog. Poor thing limped for weeks.”
Edna smiles.
“Well, it was me.
“I jammed a spatula in the bottom after you spilled grape soda on my new curtains in ’89.”
Bert gasps.
“You monster!”
Edna giggles.
“And remember that time the remote kept changing the channel to the Hallmark Channel, no matter what button you pressed?”
Bert blinks.
“You said it was haunted!”
Edna smirks.
“Nope. I glued a penny inside the battery compartment to short-circuit it.
“You never missed a single Christmas romance movie for five straight years.”
Bert’s mouth drops open.
“Why would you do that?!”
Edna calmly sips her tea.
“Because payback, dear, is best served with mistletoe and slow-motion snowball fights.”
After a long pause, Bert leans back in the swing and says, “You know what, Edna?
“I’ve got a confession too.”
“Oh?” she says. “What is it?”
“You remember my ‘fishing trips’ every Saturday for ten years?”
Edna narrows her eyes.
“You don’t fish.”
“I know,” Bert says proudly.
“I was at the bowling alley. I won four trophies. They’re hidden behind the water heater in the basement.”
Edna stares at him in disbelief.
“You mean I accidentally dropped a decoy trophy out the car window?!”
They both burst into laughter.
And from that day forward, Bert went skydiving, Edna bought a new recliner, and every Saturday they went bowling together—mostly to keep an eye on each other.
An 85-year-old couple, married for almost 60 years, tragically passed away in a car accident and arrived at the Pearly Gates.
Thanks to the wife’s obsession with healthy diets and exercise, they had been in great shape for the last decade. St. Peter greeted them warmly and led them to their heavenly mansion—complete with a huge bedroom, a Jacuzzi, a gourmet kitchen, and even a billiards table.
“Wow! How much does this cost?” the husband asked.
“Nothing,” St. Peter replied. “This is Heaven—everything is free!”
Next, he showed them a championship golf course just minutes from their home, where they could play anytime, have an angel as a caddy, and enjoy a course that changed daily to resemble the world’s most elite greens.
“Incredible!” the wife said.
“And the green fees?”
“Free,” St. Peter chuckled. “This is Heaven.”
Then they toured a five-star restaurant featuring an all-you-can-eat feast—Wagyu beef, lobster, prime rib, exotic vegetables, and desserts straight out of a dream.
The husband, still skeptical, asked, “Okay…but how much?”
“Sir, for the last time…FREE. This is Heaven!”
The husband hesitated.
“Well…do you have any low-fat, low-cholesterol options?”
St. Peter laughed.
“In Heaven, you’ll never gain weight or get sick. Eat whatever you want!”
Suddenly, the husband turned red, clenched his fists, and started shouting at the sky.
“What’s wrong?” his wife asked, completely confused.
He pointed at her and yelled, “THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT! If it weren’t for your damn bran muffins and paleo chicken, WE COULD HAVE BEEN HERE TEN YEARS AGO!”
LOL!!
Hope this joke will make you smile! Have a nice day!!
——————————————————————————————————————————————
Little Johnny failed his math test.
Father: “Why did you fail your mathematics test?”
Johnny: “On Monday, the teacher said 3 + 5 = 8.”
Father: “So?”
Johnny: “On Tuesday, she said 4 + 4 = 8.”
Father: “And?”
Johnny: “On Wednesday, she said 6 + 2 = 8…”
…
.. .
Johnny shakes his head.
“If she can’t make up her mind, how am I supposed to know which answer is right?”
==================================
Benjamin was in jail serving 30 years for robbing banks. After serving about 12 years, he was notified that his uncle from Ludhiana had died and left him more than $50,000.
Benjamin was thrilled when the warden told him that the money would be placed in trust until he was released.
The warden asked him if there was anything he wanted to buy before the money was locked away.
Benjamin thought for a moment.
“I’ve read a lot about computers,” he said. “I’d really like a computer.”
The warden agreed.
“Sure.”
A few days later, Benjamin received a brand-new Compaq computer.
After a few weeks, the warden visited him in his cell to see how he was doing.
To his amazement, he found the computer smashed to pieces on the floor.
The warden stared at the wreckage.
“Benjamin! What happened?”
Benjamin looked furious.
“It didn’t work right! I got mad!”
The warden sighed.
“What did you want the computer to do?”
Benjamin shook his head in frustration.
“I only wanted one simple thing from that computer. One simple task—and it couldn’t even do that.”
“What task?”
Benjamin pointed at the broken keyboard.
“I hit the Escape key, and nothing happened. I hit the key again, and still nothing happened.”
The warden stared at him.
“So?”
Benjamin sighed.
“I’m still here! I think I’m going to sue Compaq!”
———————————————————————————————————————————————————————————–
The Right Answer
The teacher said, “I’ll give two dollars to the child who can tell me who was the most famous man who ever lived.”
An Irish boy put his hand up and said, “It was St. Patrick.”
The teacher shook her head.
“Sorry, Sean. That’s not correct.”
Then a French boy raised his hand and said, “It was Napoleon.”
The teacher replied, “I’m sorry, Pierre. That’s not right either.”
Finally, a Jewish boy raised his hand and said, “It was Jesus Christ.”
The teacher smiled.
“That’s absolutely right, Maurice! Come up here and I’ll give you your two dollars.”
As the teacher handed Maurice the money, she said, “You know, Maurice, with you being Jewish, I was very surprised that you said Jesus Christ.”
Maurice smiled and replied, “Yeah. In my heart I knew it was Moses, but business is business.”
The woman was very rich, and the man was poor but honest. She liked him, but that was all, and he knew it.
One night, he had been a little more tender than usual.
“You are very rich,” he ventured.
“Yes,” she replied frankly. “I’m worth $1.25 million.”
“And I’m poor,” he replied.
“Will you marry me?”
“No.”
“I thought you would say no.”
“Then why did you ask me?”
“Oh, just to see how a man feels when he loses $1.25 million.”
Stanley is looking for a new desk for his office when he spots one that looks absolutely perfect in an antique shop window.
He goes inside and asks the shopkeeper how much it is.
“That desk is going for $5,000,” says the shopkeeper.
“$5,000 for an old desk? That’s outrageous!” exclaims Stanley.
“Ah,” says the shopkeeper, “but this is a magic desk.”
He turns to the desk and asks, “Desk, how much money do I have in my pocket?”
The desk taps one of its legs on the floor four times.
The shopkeeper turns out his pocket and, sure enough, there are four dollar coins inside.
“Wow, that’s pretty cool,” says Stanley.
“Alright, desk, how much money does my wife have in her bank account?”
At this, the desk goes wild, manically banging all four of its legs up and down repeatedly for more than five minutes.
Stanley stares at it in amazement.
“Darn! Where did she get all THAT from?” he wonders.
Suddenly, the desk’s legs slide apart and its drawers drop down.
——————————————————————————————————-
A Texan Farmer Goes To Australia
A Texan farmer is on vacation in Australia.
There, he meets an Australian farmer and strikes up a conversation.
The Australian shows off his enormous wheat field, and the Texan says:
“Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large.”
Then they walk around the ranch for a bit, and the Australian proudly shows off his herd of cattle.
The Texan farmer immediately says:
“We have longhorns that are at least twice as large as your cows.”
The conversation is now almost at a standstill when the Texan sees a herd of kangaroos hopping through the field.
He points at them and asks, “And what are those?”
The Australian responds with an incredulous look.
“Don’t you have any grasshoppers in Texas?”
Hope this joke makes you smile!
Have a nice day!!!
A government man approaches a pig farmer one day and asks him what he feeds his pigs.
The farmer answers, “Oh, the pigs? I just feed them whatever scraps I have lying around.”
The man is shocked.
“Sir, this is animal cruelty! I’ll have to fine you $10,000!”
The next day, another official approaches the farmer and asks him what he feeds his pigs.
The farmer replies, “Oh, the pigs? Only the best products, sir! Caviar, artisanal cheeses, and hand-picked salads!”
The man is shocked.
“Sir, the food is way too rich for them! They’ll get sick!
“I’ll have to fine you $10,000!”
On the third day, another official approaches the farmer and asks him what he feeds his pigs.
The farmer thinks for a moment.
“Oh, the pigs? I’ll give them 20 bucks each and let them shop for themselves.”
LOL!!
Hope this joke will make you smile! Have a nice day!!
———————————————————————————————————————
A Man and a Smart, Witty Beggar
A man walks past a beggar every day and gives him $2, and that continues for an entire year.
Then, suddenly, the daily donation changes to $1.50.
“Well,” the beggar thinks, “it’s always better than nothing.”
Another year passes in this way until the daily donation suddenly becomes just $1.
“What’s going on now?” the beggar finally asks his regular donor.
“First you gave me $2 every day, then $1.50, and now only $1. What’s the problem?”
“Well,” the man says, “my eldest son went to college last year. It’s very expensive, so I had to cut my costs. This year, my eldest daughter also went to university, so I had to cut my expenses even further.”
“And how many children do you have?” asks the beggar.
“Four,” the man replies.
The beggar nods thoughtfully.
“Well,” he says, “I hope you don’t plan to educate them all at my expense.”
Two Beggars in London
Two beggars in London, Ali and Habib, beg in different areas of the city.
Habib begs just as long as Ali does but only brings home £2 to £3 every day.
Ali, on the other hand, brings home a suitcase FULL of £10 notes, drives a Mercedes, lives in a mortgage-free house, and seems to have plenty of money to spend.
Habib finally becomes curious.
“I work just as long and just as hard as you do,” he says to Ali, “but how is it that you bring home a suitcase full of £10 notes every day?”
Ali smiles.
“Look at your sign. What does it say?”
Habib’s sign reads:
“I have no job, a wife, and six kids to support.”
Ali nods.
“No wonder you only get £2 or £3.”
Habib looks puzzled.
“So what does your sign say?”
Ali proudly shows him his sign.
It reads:
“I only need another £10 to move back to my country.”
LOL!
Hope this joke will make you smile! Have a nice day!
———————————————————————————————————————
A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home.
One day he prayed, “Dear Lord, I go to work every day and put in eight hours while my wife merely stays at home.
“I want her to know what I go through, so please create a trade in our bodies.”
God, in His infinite wisdom, granted the man’s wish.
The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman.
He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate, awakened the kids, laid out their school clothes, fed them breakfast, packed their lunches, drove them to school, came home and picked up the dry cleaning, took it to the cleaners, and stopped at the bank to withdraw money to pay the power and telephone bills.
He drove to the power company and the phone company and paid the bills, went grocery shopping, came home, and put away the groceries.
He cleaned the cat’s litter box and bathed the dog.
Then it was already 1 p.m., and he hurried to make the beds, do the laundry, vacuum, dust, sweep, and mop the kitchen floor.
He ran to the school to pick up the kids and got into an argument with them on the way home.
He set out cookies and milk and got the kids organized to do their homework.
Then he set up the ironing board and watched TV while he did the ironing.
At 4:30, he began peeling potatoes and washing greens for salad, breading the pork chops, and snapping fresh beans for supper.
After supper, he cleaned the kitchen, ran the dishwasher, folded laundry, bathed the kids, and put them to bed.
At 9 p.m., he was exhausted and, though his daily chores weren’t finished, he went to bed where he was expected to have a “great time” with his wife—which he managed to get through without complaint.
The next morning, he awoke and immediately knelt beside the bed.
“Lord, I don’t know what I was thinking. I was so wrong to envy my wife’s being able to stay home all day.
“Please, oh please, let us trade back.”
The Lord, in His infinite wisdom, replied:
“My son, I feel you have learned your lesson, and I will be happy to change things back to the way they were.”
The man breathed a huge sigh of relief.
Then the Lord added:
“You’ll have to wait nine months, though.
“You got pregnant last night!”
=========
There are two buddies, one with a Doberman Pinscher and the other with a Chihuahua.
The guy with the Doberman Pinscher says to his friend, “Let’s go over to that restaurant and get something to eat.”
The guy with the Chihuahua says, “We can’t go in there.
“We’ve got dogs with us.”
The buddy with the Doberman Pinscher says, “Just follow my lead.”
They walk over to the restaurant, and the guy with the Doberman Pinscher puts on a pair of dark glasses and starts to walk in.
The bouncer at the door immediately stops him.
“Sorry, mac, no pets allowed!”
The man with the Doberman Pinscher says, “You don’t understand. This is my seeing-eye dog.”
The bouncer looks down at the Doberman.
“A Doberman Pinscher?”
“Yes,” the man replies confidently. “They’re using them now. They’re very good—and they protect me from robbers, too.”
The bouncer thinks about it for a moment.
“Come on in.”
The buddy with the Chihuahua figures, “What the heck!”
He puts on a pair of dark glasses and starts to walk in.
Once again, the bouncer stops him.
“Sorry, pal. No pets allowed!”
The guy with the Chihuahua says, “You don’t understand. This is my seeing-eye dog.”
The bouncer looks at the tiny dog.
“A Chihuahua?”
The man sighs.
“A Chihuahua? They gave me a Chihuahua?”
————————————————————————————
The Cell Phone That Called Mom
A customer left his cell phone in my store.
I scrolled through his saved numbers, stopped at “Mom,” and pushed send.
His mother answered, and I told her what had happened.
“Don’t worry,” she said. “I’ll take care of it.”
A few minutes later, the cell phone rang.
It was “Mom.”
…
..
.
“Martin,” she said, “you left your cell phone at the convenience store.”
======
A chap goes into a bar and orders a vodka and Coke.
The barman serves him.
The man drinks it and orders another.
This goes on for a while, until the chap begins to slow down.
The barman finally asks, “Is there anything the matter, sir?”
The chap replies, “I had an enormous argument with my wife.
“She said she won’t speak to me for a month, and I have to sleep on the sofa.”
The barman says, “Best bet is to stop drinking, go home, and don’t let this argument carry on past the first night. Nip it in the bud.”
The chap looks at him sadly.
“You don’t understand.
“This is the last night.”
=====
A blonde stopped at a gas station, got out of the car, opened the hood, and checked the engine oil.
After a few seconds of what appeared to be very serious thinking, she took the dipstick in her hand and walked over to the attendant.
“Excuse me,” she said, “but can I buy a longer dipstick?”
“Sure, ma’am, of course.
“Why do you need a longer one?”
“Because this one isn’t long enough to reach the oil.”
————————————————————————————————
Two blondes were flying to Miami from Cleveland.
Fifteen minutes into the flight, the captain announced, “One of the engines has failed, and the flight will be an hour longer. But don’t worry—we still have three engines.”
Thirty minutes later, the captain announced, “One more engine has failed, and the flight will be two hours longer.
“But don’t worry. We still have two engines left.”
An hour later, the captain announced, “One more engine has failed, and the flight will be three hours longer.
“But don’t worry. We have one engine left.”
…
.. .
One blonde looked at the other blonde and said,
“If we lose one more engine, we’ll be up here all day!”
============================================
A husband was addicted to smoking and drinking.
One day, his wife became so angry that she told him, “If you keep on smoking, all of your intestines will fall out.”
Her husband didn’t believe her, so he continued smoking and drinking just as he always had.
His wife was determined to prove herself right.
One morning, she went out early and bought some large sausages and similar food, then secretly placed them inside her husband’s underwear while he was sleeping.
A short while later, he woke up, let out a huge scream, and then fell silent for the next 30 minutes.
After another 30 minutes of silence, he finally came downstairs, sweating profusely.
“What happened?” asked the wife.
“You were right!” he exclaimed.
“My intestines really did come out!
“But don’t worry, honey. After a lot of work, I finally managed to push them back in.”
================================
Michael’s wife, refusing to give in to the signs of growing old, goes out and buys a new line of expensive cosmetics guaranteed to make her look years younger.
After a lengthy session in front of the mirror applying the “miracle” products, she turns to her husband.
“Darling, honestly, if you didn’t know me, what age would you say I am?”
Michael looks her over carefully.
“Judging from your skin, I’d say twenty. Your hair, eighteen. And your figure, twenty-five.”
“Oh, you flatterer!” she gushes.
Just as she is about to tell Michael what his reward will be, he stops her.
“WHOA, hold on there, sweetie…”
She looks at him expectantly.
“I haven’t added them up yet!”
P.S. — Please let us know if you’ve seen him. We’re very worried.
————————————————————————————————
An irate father stormed into the principal’s office.
“I want to know why my son Winslow was given a zero on his English examination.”
“We’ll get Winslow’s English teacher in here,” the principal said. “I’m sure she has some explanation.”
A few minutes later, the English teacher came in.
“Why did you give Winslow a zero on his test?” demanded the father.
“I had no choice,” said the schoolmarm.
“He handed in a completely blank paper with absolutely nothing written on it.”
“That’s no excuse!” shouted the father.
…
.. .
“You could have at least given him an ‘A’ for neatness!”
==============================
Machine and Bottle
After the birth of their first child, Tom and Sarah decided it was time to write a will and get their affairs in order.
They went to a lawyer and outlined their wishes about how their estate should be handled.
The lawyer then asked them what medical means should be employed should either of them become severely injured.
Tom spoke up immediately.
“I don’t want my life regulated by some machine. I just can’t stand the idea of receiving my nourishment from a bottle.”
Sarah took Tom’s words very seriously.
When they got home, she cut the TV cord and dumped out all of Tom’s beer.
——————————————————————————————————————————————
A lady lost her handbag in the bustle of Christmas shopping.
It was found by an honest little boy and returned to her.
Looking inside her purse, she suddenly frowned.
“Hmmm…that’s funny. When I lost my bag, there was a $20 bill in it.
“Now there are twenty $1 bills.”
The boy quickly replied, “That’s right, lady.
…
.. .
“The last time I found a lady’s purse, she didn’t have any change for a reward.”
LOLLLL!
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We hope you enjoyed this joke. Have a nice day! You are loved!
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First Day on the Job, and This Trainee Already Knows How to Handle the Big Boss!
A man starts his first day as a trainee at a huge corporate empire.
Feeling bold, he picks up the phone and dials the pantry.
“Get me a coffee, quickly!” he demands.
But—oops!
He didn’t dial the pantry.
A voice on the other end immediately snaps back, “You fool! You’ve dialed the wrong extension! Do you even know who you’re talking to, dumbo?!”
“No,” the trainee replies.
The voice on the other end huffs impatiently.
“It’s the CEO of the company, you fool!”
The trainee pauses for a moment.
Then he suddenly shouts back, “And do you know who YOU’RE talking to, you fool?!”
The CEO, now completely confused, asks, “No. Who?”
The trainee replies,
“Good!”
…and hangs up.
