After a meeting several days ago, I couldn’t find my keys.
I quickly gave myself a personal “TSA Pat Down.”
They weren’t in my pockets. Suddenly I realized I must have left them in the car. Frantically, I headed for the parking lot.
My husband has scolded me many times for leaving my keys in the car’s ignition. He’s afraid that the car could be stolen. As I hurried toward the lot, a knot formed in my stomach.
The closer I got, the worse the feeling became.
As I looked around the parking lot, I realized he was right.
The parking lot was empty.
For a few seconds I just stood there, staring at the vacant space where my car should have been. My heart sank.
I immediately called the police. I gave them my location, confessed that I had left my keys in the car, and that it had been stolen.
Then I made the most difficult call of all to my husband: “I left my keys in the car and it’s been stolen.”
There was a long moment of silence.
I thought the call had been disconnected, but then I heard his voice.
“Are you kidding me?” he barked.
“I dropped you off!”
Now it was my turn to be silent.
The realization hit me like a freight train.
Embarrassed, I said, “Well, can you come and get me?”
He retorted, “I will, as soon as I convince this cop that I didn’t steal your car!”
Welcome to the golden years…
—
And the cowboy-genie joke can be strengthened like this:
—
A modern-day old cowboy has spent many days crossing the desert without water.
He’s crawling through the sand, certain that he has breathed his last, when he suddenly sees an object sticking out of the sand several yards ahead of him.
At first, he thinks he is hallucinating.
But the object remains.
Gathering the last of his strength, he drags himself across the burning sand and pulls it free.
To his surprise, it looks like an old briefcase.
He opens it and out pops a genie.
But this is no ordinary genie.
She wears an AUSTRALIAN TAXATION OFFICE badge and a dull grey dress. There is a calculator in her pocketbook. She has a pencil tucked behind one ear.
“Well, old cowboy,” said the genie. “You know how this works. You have three wishes.”
“I’m not falling for this,” says the old man. “I’m not going to trust an ATO auditor genie.”
“What do you have to lose?” she asks.
“You have no transportation, no water, and judging by the look of you, you’re already halfway to the afterlife.”
The old cowboy thinks about this for a minute and decides the genie is right.
“Okay,” he says. “I wish I were in a lush oasis with lots of food and drink.”
Shazam!
The old cowboy finds himself in the most beautiful oasis he has ever seen, surrounded by jugs of wine and platters of delicacies.
“Not bad,” he mutters.
“Second wish?” asks the genie.
“My second wish is to be rich beyond my wildest dreams.”
Shazam!
The old man is suddenly surrounded by treasure chests overflowing with rare gold coins and precious gems.
The genie smiles.
“Okay, cowpuncher, you have one wish left.
Choose carefully.”
The cowboy sits down and thinks for several minutes.
Finally, he grins.
“I wish that no matter where I go, beautiful women will want me, need me, and always keep me close.”
The genie raises an eyebrow.
“You sure?”
“Absolutely.”
Shazam!
He is turned into a t-a.mpon.
Moral of the story:
If the government offers you anything, there’s always a string attached.
