We recently received a message from a reader named Mark that illustrates this gray area perfectly. His experience highlights fatigue, social expectations, and the often-unspoken etiquette of flying in tight quarters.

As you read his account and our thoughts on it, consider how you might have responded in his shoes—or hers.

Here’s Mark’s letter:

Hello,

I’m a 34-year-old man, and yesterday I flew home from a business trip. It was a six-hour flight on a budget airline where legroom is nearly nonexistent. Because I’m 6’3″, I paid extra to reserve an aisle seat to give myself as much room as possible.

Unfortunately, the flight was delayed two hours, and by the time we boarded, I was beyond exhausted. I had pulled an all-nighter to finalize a presentation for a major client meeting that morning, which, thankfully, had gone well. But by the time I boarded, I was completely spent.

As soon as the seatbelt sign turned off, I leaned my seat back sharply, hoping to get some much-needed rest. I didn’t check behind me first. Almost immediately, the woman seated behind me, whom I later learned was pregnant, cried out, “I can’t breathe!” I was surprised, but honestly just too tired to deal with it.

Frustrated, I snapped back, “Then fly first class!” She didn’t respond after that.

The guy next to me gave me a strange look, but I ignored it, put on my noise-canceling headphones, and drifted off for most of the flight. I didn’t think much more of it until we landed.

As we were deplaning, a flight attendant quietly approached me and said, “Sir, there’s something you might want to read.” She handed me a note from the woman behind me. She explained she was eight months pregnant and the sudden movement of my seat had pressed into her abdomen, causing her pain and difficulty breathing.

She shared that she was flying to visit her terminally ill mother one final time before giving birth and couldn’t afford a more expensive seat.

Now I’m torn. My wife says I was wrong and should’ve been more aware of the people around me. She’s been upset with me since I got home and says I need to find a way to make amends.

But my brother has a different take—he believes if the seat is designed to recline, I have every right to use it.

He also feels the woman overreacted and should have approached me calmly instead of yelling.

I keep going back and forth on this. Was it unreasonable of me to recline my seat without checking first, especially given how tired I was? Or was I simply making use of a standard feature that I’m entitled to as a passenger? I can’t get her words—or her situation—out of my head.

So, was I wrong for reclining my seat if it ended up hurting someone else? Or was I justified, even if the outcome was unfortunate?