A city mouse had a country mouse stay for the weekend, and spent the whole time offering urban advice. On the last evening of the country mouse’s visit, they were dining in the kitchen when in came the largest cat the country mouse had ever seen. The country mouse froze, his heart pounding as the enormous cat slowly crept closer. “Don’t panic,” said the town mouse calmly, “Leave this to me.”
Marching up to the cat with complete confidence, she stared straight into its eyes and shouted, “Bow wow wow wow!”
The cat stopped dead in its tracks. Its ears flattened, its eyes widened, and without a second thought, it turned and ran from the room as fast as it could.
“How did you do that?” asked the country mouse, still staring at the doorway in disbelief. “I thought we were finished!”
“Like I told you,” said the town mouse with a proud little smile, “it pays to learn a second language.”
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A priest decides one midweek day to visit one of his elderly parishioners, Mrs. Smith. He rings the doorbell, and after a moment, Mrs. Smith appears at the door with a warm smile. “Good day, Mrs. Smith. I just thought I would drop by and see how you are doing.”
The woman says, “Oh, just fine, Father. Come on in and we’ll have some tea.”
While sitting at the coffee table, the priest notices a bowl of almonds sitting within easy reach. “Mind if I have one?” the priest asks. “Not at all, Father,” Mrs. Smith replies. “Have as many as you like.”
The priest happily takes one, then another, and before long, the two of them are deep in conversation. They discuss the weather, the parish, old friends, and all sorts of things. After a few hours, the priest looks at his watch and is alarmed at how long he has been visiting. He quickly gets to his feet and says to Mrs. Smith, “Oh my goodness, look at the time. I must be going. Oh dear, I’ve eaten all your almonds. I’ll have to replace them the next time I visit.”
To which Mrs. Smith replied, “Oh, don’t bother, Father. Ever since I lost all my teeth, it’s all I can do just to lick the chocolate off them.”
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A minister, a priest, and a rabbi went for a hike one very hot day. They were sweating profusely by the time they came upon a small lake with a sandy beach. The sight of the cool water was almost too tempting to resist, and after looking around carefully, they realized they had found a wonderfully secluded spot where nobody seemed to be nearby.
Since it was a secluded spot, they left all their clothes on a big log, ran down the beach to the lake, and jumped into the water for a long, refreshing swim. For several minutes, they laughed, splashed around, and enjoyed the cool water, completely unaware that their peaceful retreat was about to become much less peaceful.
Refreshed, they were halfway back up the beach to the spot where they’d left their clothes when a group of ladies from town suddenly came along. There was no time to reach the log, and no time to hide properly. Unable to get to their clothes in time, the minister and the priest covered their privates, while the rabbi covered his face as they all hurried toward the bushes for cover. The ladies stared in surprise before continuing down the path, leaving the three embarrassed men waiting anxiously until they were safely out of sight.
After the ladies wandered on and the men finally got dressed again, the minister and the priest turned to the rabbi, both puzzled by his unusual choice. The minister finally asked, “Why did you cover your face rather than your privates?”
The rabbi shrugged and replied, “I don’t know about you, but in my congregation, it’s my face they would recognize.”
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A young man introduces his fiancée to his parents. While they were having dinner, everyone was doing their best to make a good impression. The conversation was polite, the food was delicious, and the young woman was determined to behave perfectly in front of her future in-laws. Unfortunately, her stomach had other plans. Without warning, the girl gently farts.
Annoyed by the funny smell and completely unaware of what had really happened, the father-in-law suddenly looks beneath the table and yells, “Rocky!!” The girl is instantly relieved that the future in-law has blamed the dog lying quietly under her chair. She lowers her eyes and tries desperately not to smile, hoping nobody has noticed her embarrassment.
But after a few minutes, despite her best efforts, she lets one more rip. The boy’s father is getting nervous now. He glares under the table and shouts even louder, “Rocky!! Be careful now!!” The girl breathes a silent sigh of relief and decides she must be safe as long as the dog keeps taking the blame.
But then, just when she thinks the worst is over, she fires another one. This time, the smell is impossible to ignore. The father’s face turns red with frustration, and he slams his hand on the table before yelling, “Rocky! Get out of there fast! She’s gonna sh*t on you!”
