One evening, a man gave his tipsy secretary a ride home after an office party. His wife was prone to jealousy, so he decided it would be wiser not to mention the incident. As far as he was concerned, the less she knew, the better. Later that evening, he was driving his wife to a restaurant when he suddenly noticed something that made his stomach drop—a stiletto-heeled shoe, half-hidden beneath the passenger seat.
Gripped with terror, he glanced at his wife, then at the shoe. His mind raced through every possible explanation, none of which seemed remotely safe. Taking advantage of a moment when she wasn’t looking, he quickly grabbed the shoe and threw it out of the window. He breathed a silent sigh of relief and tried to act as though nothing had happened.
The rest of the journey went surprisingly well. His wife seemed completely unaware of what he had done, and by the time they pulled up outside the restaurant, the man had almost convinced himself that he had escaped disaster.
Then his wife opened the passenger door, looked down at her feet, and suddenly frowned.
“That’s strange,” she said, looking a little agitated.
The man froze.
“Have you seen my other shoe?”
A young executive was leaving the office of a major corporation late one evening when he found the CEO himself standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand. Eager to make a good impression, the young executive introduced himself and asked if he could be of any help.
“Why yes,” said the CEO, holding up the piece of paper.
“This is a very sensitive and important document, and my secretary has gone for the night. Can you make this thing work?”
“Certainly,” said the young executive, happy to have an opportunity to impress the boss.
The young man turned the machine on, carefully inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.
The document disappeared into the machine with a satisfying whir.
“Excellent, excellent!” said the CEO as he watched the paper vanish. “I’ll need two copies.”
A husband and wife sat down at their table at a coffee shop in New York City. The wife immediately noticed a pretty young woman sitting at another table and wearing the most gorgeous pair of shoes she’d ever seen.
“I’d love to know where that lady got those shoes,” she said to her husband. “Maybe I should ask her.”
The husband raised a hand.
“Allow me, my love.”
The wife beamed at him.
“What a gentleman! Thanks, sweetie.”
The husband walked over to the young woman and asked, “Where did you get those shoes?”
“I got them in a store just around the corner from here,” replied the woman.
“Nice. How much were they?”
“Oh, around $500.”
“Thanks for letting me know.”
The husband returned to his table and proudly announced, “She got her shoes in Los Angeles.”
—————————————————————————————————————————————————————————
A police car pulled up in front of Grandma Bessie’s house, and out stepped a police officer. He politely explained, “Ma’am, your husband said he got lost in the park and couldn’t find his way home.”
Grandma Bessie stared at Morris in disbelief.
“Lost? You’ve been going to that park for 30 years! How’d you get lost today?”
Leaning in close so the officer couldn’t hear, Grandpa Morris whispered, “I wasn’t lost. I was just too tired to walk home.”
A policeman pulled over an old man driving a pickup truck with the bed overflowing with ducks. The officer looked at the enormous flock and said sternly, “Sir, you can’t have a flock of ducks wandering around downtown. Take them to the zoo immediately!”
The old man nodded, agreed, and drove away.
The next day, the officer spotted the same pickup truck, still overflowing with ducks—but this time, every duck was wearing a pair of sunglasses.
Frustrated, the officer pulled the man over again.
“I thought I told you to take these ducks to the zoo!”
The old man grinned.
“I did!”
The officer stared at him suspiciously.
“Then why are they still here?”
The old man shrugged.
“Because now the little rascals want to go to the beach!”
——————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————–
A cowboy, fresh from Texas, strolled into a bar in Montana and ordered three mugs of beer. He headed to a corner and took a sip from each mug, one after the other, in turn.
Once he’d finished, he returned to the bar and ordered three more. Curious, the bartender approached him.
“You know, beer goes flat pretty quickly after it’s poured. It might taste better if you just ordered one at a time.”
The cowboy smiled and explained, “Well, here’s the thing. I’ve got two brothers—one in Arizona and the other in Colorado. When we all moved away from Texas, we promised that whenever we drank, we’d each have one for the others, just like we did back home.”
He lifted one of the mugs.
“So I’m drinking for my brothers and myself.”
The bartender nodded, impressed by the sentiment, and left him alone.
The cowboy became a regular, always ordering three beers and sipping them in rotation. One day, though, he walked into the bar and ordered only two mugs.
The regulars noticed immediately.
The room seemed to go unusually quiet.
When the cowboy returned to the bar for his second round, the bartender cautiously leaned in and said, “I’m sorry for your loss. I just wanted to offer my condolences.”
The cowboy looked confused for a second.
Then he burst out laughing.
“Oh, no, no one has passed away!” he chuckled.
The bartender blinked.
“Then why only two?”
“It’s just that my wife and I joined the Baptist Church, so I had to quit drinking. But my brothers are still going strong!”
LOL! Hope this joke makes you smile!
Have a nice day!
### An Old Cowboy Gets Three Wishes
A modern-day old cowboy had spent many days crossing the desert without water. He was crawling through the sand, certain that he had breathed his last, when he suddenly saw an object sticking out of the sand several yards ahead of him.
With the last of his strength, he crawled toward the object, pulled it out of the sand, and discovered what looked like an old briefcase.
He opened it—and out popped a genie.
But this was no ordinary genie.
She wore an AUSTRALIAN TAXATION OFFICE badge and a dull gray dress. There was a calculator in her pocketbook and a pencil tucked behind one ear.
“Well, old cowboy,” said the genie, “you know how I work. You have three wishes.”
“I’m not falling for this,” said the old man. “I’m not going to trust an ATO auditor genie.”
“What do you have to lose?” the genie asked. “You have no transportation, and it looks like you’re a goner anyway!”
The old man thought about this for a moment and decided the genie had a point.
“Fine.”
“What’s your first wish?”
The old man took a deep breath.
“Okay, I wish I were in a lush oasis with lots of food and drink.”
“Shazam!”
The old cowboy suddenly found himself in the most beautiful oasis he’d ever seen, surrounded by jugs of wine and platters of delicious food.
“Okay, old boy,” said the genie. “What’s your second wish?”
“My second wish is to be rich beyond my wildest dreams.”
“Shazam!”
The old man was suddenly surrounded by treasure chests filled with rare gold coins and precious gems.
“Okay, cowpuncher,” said the genie. “You’ve just got one wish left. Better make it a good one.”
The old cowboy sat quietly, thinking hard.
After several minutes, he finally said, “I wish that no matter where I go, beautiful women will want and need me.”
“Shazam!”
He was turned into a tampon.
**Moral of the story:** If the government offers you anything, there’s probably a string attached.
——————————————————————————————————————————————————————–
### How Much Money Did I Have?
Puzzles can come in many “flavors.” Today, there are millions to pick from online. They can be math problems from school, crossword puzzles, optical illusions—and even classic old riddles.
Riddles are very popular, so here’s one.
The riddle asks:
“I had 13 dollars.
My mom gave me 10 dollars while my dad gave me 30 dollars. My aunt and uncle gave me 100 dollars. I had another 5 dollars.
How much money did I have?”
We’ll reveal the correct answer below.
A
B
C
### Here Is the Correct Answer
Have you come up with an answer?
Take a deep breath and concentrate. The answer might be easier than you think. Maybe there’s something hidden in the wording that you’re missing?
The answer is **18 dollars**.
The clue is in the question, which basically asks how much money “DID” I have.
It’s asking how much you had—not how much you received from everyone else.
Therefore, you had your original $13 plus another $5 that you already had, giving you a total of $18.
Clever, right?
Sometimes you have to think outside the box to solve a simple-looking riddle.
———————————————————————————————————————————————————————————-
An elderly couple, Bert and Edna, were sitting on the porch swing one quiet Sunday evening.
They’d been married for 55 years. The sun was setting, the birds were chirping, and they were both sipping lukewarm tea while watching squirrels fight over a Cheeto in the yard.
Out of the blue, Edna sighed.
“Bert, let’s talk about our bucket lists.”
Bert raised an eyebrow.
“Bucket lists? Edna, I’m 87. My list is down to ‘wake up tomorrow and remember where I put my pants.'”
Edna chuckled.
“No, I’m serious. Before we go, we should each do something we’ve always wanted to do but never had the chance.”
Bert thought for a moment.
“All right, fine. I’ve always wanted to go skydiving.”
Edna’s eyes widened.
“Skydiving?! Bert, the last time you bent down to tie your shoe, you passed out for three minutes.”
Bert shrugged.
“Well, if I die mid-air, just let me land in the neighbor’s garden. I’ve always wanted to haunt him.”
They laughed, and Edna nodded.
“Okay, okay. You go skydiving. I’ll do mine too.”
Bert squinted at her.
“And what’s yours?”
Edna suddenly got a mischievous sparkle in her eye—the same one she’d had back in 1965 when she “accidentally” dropped Bert’s bowling trophy out the car window during an argument.
“I’ve always wanted to confess something to you, Bert.”
Bert gulped.
“Confess what?”
Edna leaned closer and whispered, “You know how your favorite recliner always mysteriously leaned to the left for 20 years?”
Bert nodded.
“Yeah. I blamed the dog. Poor thing limped for weeks.”
Edna smiled.
“Well, it was me. I jammed a spatula in the bottom after you spilled grape soda on my new curtains in ’89.”
Bert gasped.
“You monster!”
Edna giggled.
“And remember that time the remote kept changing the channel to the Hallmark Channel, no matter what button you pressed?”
Bert blinked.
“You said it was haunted!”
Edna smirked.
“Nope. I glued a penny inside the battery compartment to short-circuit it. You never missed a single Christmas romance movie for five straight years.”
Bert’s mouth dropped open.
“Why would you do that?!”
Edna calmly sipped her tea.
“Because payback, dear, is best served with mistletoe and slow-motion snowball fights.”
After a long pause, Bert leaned back in the swing.
“You know what, Edna? I’ve got a confession too.”
“Oh?” she said.
“You remember my ‘fishing trips’ every Saturday for ten years?”
Edna narrowed her eyes.
“You don’t fish.”
“I know,” Bert said proudly. “I was at the bowling alley. I won four trophies. They’re hidden behind the water heater in the basement.”
Edna stared at him in disbelief.
“You mean I accidentally dropped a decoy trophy out the car window?!”
They both burst into laughter.
And from that day forward, Bert went skydiving, Edna bought a new recliner, and every Saturday they went bowling together—mostly to keep an eye on each other.
An 85-year-old couple, married for almost 60 years, tragically passed away in a car accident and arrived at the Pearly Gates.
Thanks to the wife’s obsession with healthy diets and exercise, they’d been in great shape for the last decade.
St. Peter greeted them warmly and led them to their heavenly mansion, complete with a huge bedroom, Jacuzzi, gourmet kitchen, and even a billiards table.
“Wow!” the husband exclaimed. “How much does this cost?”
“Nothing,” St. Peter replied. “This is Heaven. Everything is free!”
Next, he showed them a championship golf course just minutes from their home, where they could play anytime, have an angel as a caddy, and enjoy a course that changed daily to resemble the world’s most elite greens.
“Incredible!” the wife said. “And the green fees?”
“Free,” St. Peter chuckled. “This is Heaven.”
Then they toured a five-star restaurant featuring an all-you-can-eat feast—Wagyu beef, lobster, prime rib, exotic vegetables, and desserts straight from a dream.
The husband, still skeptical, asked, “Okay… but how much?”
“Sir, for the last time… FREE. This is Heaven!”
The husband hesitated.
“Well… do you have any low-fat, low-cholesterol options?”
St. Peter laughed.
“In Heaven, you’ll never gain weight or get sick. Eat whatever you want!”
Suddenly, the husband turned red, clenched his fists, and started shouting at the sky.
“What’s wrong?” his wife asked, completely confused.
He pointed at her and yelled, “THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT! If it weren’t for your damn bran muffins and paleo chicken, WE COULD HAVE BEEN HERE TEN YEARS AGO!”
LOL!
Hope this joke will make you smile!
Have a nice day!
——————————————————————————————————————————————
Little Johnny failed his math test.
His father asked, “Why did you fail your mathematics test?”
Johnny replied, “On Monday, the teacher said 3 + 5 = 8.”
His father frowned.
“So?”
“On Tuesday, she said 4 + 4 = 8.”
“And?”
“On Wednesday, she said 6 + 2 = 8…”
Johnny shook his head.
“If she can’t make up her mind, how am I supposed to know the right answer?”
==================================
Benjamin was in jail, serving 30 years for robbing banks.
After serving about 12 years, he was notified that his uncle from Ludhiana had died and left him more than $50,000.
Benjamin was thrilled when the warden told him the money would be put in trust until he was released.
The warden asked him if there was anything he wanted to buy before the money was tied up.
Benjamin said he’d read a lot about computers and wanted one.
The warden agreed and got him a brand-new Compaq computer.
A few weeks later, the warden visited Benjamin in his cell to see how he was doing.
To his amazement, he found the computer smashed on the floor.
The warden stared at the wreckage.
“What happened?”
Benjamin shook his head angrily.
“It didn’t work right. I got mad.”
The warden asked, “What did you want the computer to do?”
Benjamin sighed.
“I only wanted one simple thing from it, and it couldn’t even do that.”
“What?”
Benjamin pointed at the keyboard.
“I hit the Escape key, and nothing happened. I hit the key again, and still nothing happened. I’m still here.”
He crossed his arms.
“I think I’ll sue Compaq.”
———————————————————————————————————————————————————————————–
### The Right Answer
The teacher said, “I’ll give two dollars to the child who can tell me who was the most famous man who ever lived.”
An Irish boy raised his hand and said, “It was St. Patrick.”
The teacher smiled.
“Sorry, Sean. That’s not correct.”
Then a French boy raised his hand and said, “It was Napoleon.”
The teacher replied, “I’m sorry, Pierre, that’s not right either.”
Finally, a Jewish boy raised his hand and said, “It was Jesus Christ.”
The teacher beamed.
“That’s absolutely right, Maurice! Come up here and I’ll give you two dollars.”
As the teacher handed Maurice his money, she said, “You know, Maurice, with you being Jewish, I was very surprised you said Jesus Christ.”
Maurice smiled.
“Yeah. In my heart I knew it was Moses, but business is business.”
The woman was very rich, and the man was poor but honest. She liked him, but that was all, and he knew it.
One night, he had been a little more tender than usual.
“You are very rich,” he ventured.
“Yes,” she replied frankly. “I’m worth $1.25 million.”
“And I’m poor,” he replied. “Will you marry me?”
“No.”
“I thought you would say no.”
“Then why did you ask me?”
“Oh, just to see how a man feels when he loses $1.25 million.”
Stanley was looking for a new desk for his office when he spotted one that looked perfect in an antique shop window.
He went inside and asked the shopkeeper how much it was.
“That desk is going for $5,000,” said the shopkeeper.
“$5,000 for an old desk? That’s outrageous!” exclaimed Stanley.
“Ah,” said the shopkeeper, “but this is a magic desk.”
He turned to the desk and asked, “Desk, how much money do I have in my pocket?”
The desk tapped one of its legs on the floor four times.
The shopkeeper reached into Stanley’s pocket and, sure enough, there were four dollar coins.
“Wow, that’s pretty cool,” said Stanley.
“All right, desk, how much money does my wife have in her bank account?”
At this, the desk went wild, manically banging all four of its legs up and down repeatedly for more than five minutes.
Stanley stared at it in disbelief.
“Darn! Where did she get all THAT from?” he wondered.
The desk’s legs suddenly slid apart, and its drawers dropped down.
——————————————————————————————————
### A Texan Farmer Goes to Australia
A Texan farmer was on vacation in Australia. There, he met an Australian farmer and struck up a conversation.
The Australian proudly showed off his large wheat field.
“Oh!” said the Texan. “We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large.”
They walked around the ranch for a while, and the Australian showed off his herd of cattle.
The Texan immediately said, “We have longhorns that are at least twice as large as your cows.”
The conversation was now almost at a standstill when the Texan saw a herd of kangaroos hopping through the field.
He pointed at them.
“And what are those?”
The Australian looked at him incredulously.
“Don’t you have any grasshoppers in Texas?”
Hope this joke makes you smile!
Have a nice day!!!
A government man approached a pig farmer one day and asked him what he fed his pigs.
The farmer answered, “Oh, the pigs? I just feed them whatever scraps I have lying around.”
The government official was shocked.
“Sir, this is animal cruelty! I’ll have to fine you $10,000!”
The next day, another official approached the farmer and asked him what he fed his pigs.
The farmer replied, “Oh, the pigs? Only the best products, sir! Caviar, artisanal cheeses, and hand-picked salads!”
The official was horrified.
“Sir, the food is far too rich for them. They’ll get sick! I’ll have to fine you $10,000!”
On the third day, another official approached the farmer.
“And what do you feed your pigs?” he asked.
The farmer thought for a moment.
“Oh, the pigs? I give them $20 each and let them shop for themselves.”
LOL!
Hope this joke will make you smile!
Have a nice day!!
———————————————————————————————————————
### A Man and a Smart, Witty Beggar
A man walked past a beggar every day and gave him $2. This continued for a year.
Then, suddenly, the man’s daily donation changed to $1.50.
“Well,” the beggar thought, “it’s always better than nothing.”
Another year passed, and then the daily donation suddenly became $1.
The beggar finally couldn’t take it anymore.
“What’s going on?” he asked his donor. “First you give me $2 every day, then $1.50, and now only $1. What’s the problem?”
“Well,” the man explained, “my eldest son went to college last year. It’s very expensive, so I had to cut my costs. This year, my eldest daughter also went to university, so I had to cut my expenses even further.”
The beggar looked concerned.
“And how many children do you have?”
“Four,” the man replied.
The beggar nodded thoughtfully.
“Well, I hope you don’t plan to educate them all at my expense.”
### Two Beggars in London
Ali and Habib were two beggars in London. They begged in different areas of the city.
Habib begged just as long as Ali did, but he only brought home £2 or £3 every day.
Ali, meanwhile, brought home a suitcase full of £10 notes, drove a Mercedes, lived in a mortgage-free house, and had plenty of money to spend.
Habib couldn’t understand it.
One day he asked Ali, “I work just as long and hard as you do, but how is it that you bring home a suitcase full of £10 notes every day?”
Ali smiled.
“Look at your sign. What does it say?”
Habib’s sign read:
**”I have no job, a wife, and six kids to support.”**
Ali shook his head.
“No wonder you only get £2 or £3.”
Habib frowned.
“So what does your sign say?”
Ali showed him his sign.
It read:
**”I only need another £10 to move back to my country.”**
LOL!
Hope this joke will make you smile!
Have a nice day!
————————————————————————————————————————
A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home.
One day, he finally snapped.
“Dear Lord,” he prayed, “I go to work every day and put in eight hours while my wife merely stays at home. I want her to know what I go through, so please create a trade in our bodies.”
God, in His infinite wisdom, granted the man’s wish.
The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman.
He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate, awakened the kids, set out their school clothes, fed them breakfast, packed their lunches, and drove them to school.
He came home, picked up the dry cleaning, took it to the cleaners, stopped at the bank to withdraw money to pay the power and telephone bills, drove to both companies and paid the bills, went grocery shopping, came home, and put away the groceries.
He cleaned the cat’s litter box and bathed the dog.
Then it was already 1 p.m., and he hurried to make the beds, do the laundry, vacuum, dust, and sweep and mop the kitchen floor.
He ran to the school to pick up the kids and got into an argument with them on the way home.
He set out cookies and milk and got the kids organized to do their homework.
Then he set up the ironing board and watched TV while he did the ironing.
At 4:30, he began peeling potatoes and washing greens for salad, breading the pork chops, and snapping fresh beans for supper.
After supper, he cleaned the kitchen, ran the dishwasher, folded laundry, bathed the kids, and put them to bed.
At 9 p.m., he was exhausted.
And though his daily chores weren’t finished, he went to bed where he was expected to have a “great time” with his wife—which he managed to get through without complaint.
The next morning, he awoke and immediately knelt beside the bed.
“Lord, I don’t know what I was thinking. I was so wrong to envy my wife for being able to stay home all day. Please, oh please, let us trade back.”
The Lord, in His infinite wisdom, replied:
“My son, I feel you have learned your lesson, and I will be happy to change things back to the way they were.”
The man nearly cried with relief.
Then the Lord added:
“You’ll have to wait nine months, though.”
The man froze.
“You got pregnant last night.”
=========
There were two buddies, one with a Doberman Pinscher and the other with a Chihuahua.
The guy with the Doberman Pinscher said to his friend, “Let’s go over to that restaurant and get something to eat.”
The guy with the Chihuahua replied, “We can’t go in there. We’ve got dogs with us.”
The buddy with the Doberman Pinscher smiled.
“Just follow my lead.”
They walked over to the restaurant, and the guy with the Doberman Pinscher put on a pair of dark glasses and started to walk inside.
The bouncer at the door stopped him.
“Sorry, mac. No pets allowed!”
The man with the Doberman Pinscher replied, “You don’t understand. This is my seeing-eye dog.”
The bouncer stared at the Doberman.
“A Doberman Pinscher?”
“Yes,” the man answered. “They’re using them now. They’re very good, and they protect me from robbers, too.”
The bouncer shrugged.
“All right. Come on in.”
The buddy with the Chihuahua figured, “What the heck?”
He put on a pair of dark glasses and started walking inside.
Once again, the bouncer stopped him.
“Sorry, pal. No pets allowed!”
The guy with the Chihuahua said, “You don’t understand. This is my seeing-eye dog.”
The bouncer stared at the tiny dog.
“A Chihuahua?”
The man sighed.
“A Chihuahua? They gave me a Chihuahua?”
————————————————————————————
### The Forgotten Cell Phone
A customer left his cell phone in my store.
I scrolled through his saved numbers, stopped at “Mom,” and pushed send.
His mother answered, and I explained what had happened.
“Don’t worry,” she said. “I’ll take care of it.”
A few minutes later, the cell phone rang.
It was “Mom.”
“Martin,” she said, “you left your cell phone at the convenience store.”
======
A chap went into a bar and ordered a vodka and Coke.
The bartender served him.
The man drank it and ordered another.
This continued for a while until the chap began to slow down.
The bartender finally asked, “Is there anything the matter, sir?”
The chap sighed.
“I had an enormous argument with my wife. She said she won’t speak to me for a month.”
The bartender frowned.
“That’s rough. You should probably stop drinking, go home, and don’t let the argument carry on past the first night. Nip it in the bud.”
The chap nodded.
“You don’t understand.”
The bartender raised an eyebrow.
“What?”
The man took another sip.
“This is the last night.”
=====
A blonde stopped at a gas station, got out of her car, opened the hood, and checked the engine oil.
After a few seconds of what appeared to be very serious thinking, she took the dipstick in her hand and walked over to the attendant.
“Excuse me,” she said, “but can I buy a longer dipstick?”
“Sure, ma’am, of course. Why do you need a longer one?”
She looked completely serious.
“Because this one isn’t long enough to reach the oil.”
————————————————————————————————
### The Flight to Miami
Two blondes were flying to Miami from Cleveland.
Fifteen minutes into the flight, the captain announced, “One of the engines has failed, and the flight will be an hour longer. But don’t worry; we still have three engines.”
Thirty minutes later, the captain announced, “One more engine has failed, and the flight will be two hours longer. But don’t worry; we still have two engines left.”
An hour later, the captain announced, “One more engine has failed, and the flight will be three hours longer. But don’t worry; we have one engine left.”
One blonde looked at the other.
“If we lose one more engine, we’ll be up here all day.”
============================================
A husband was addicted to smoking and drinking.
One day, his wife became so angry that she told him, “If you keep on smoking, all of your intestines will fall out.”
Her husband didn’t believe her, so he kept smoking and drinking just as he always had.
His wife was determined to prove herself right.
One morning, she went out early and bought some large intestines. While her husband slept, she stuffed them into his underwear.
A short while later, he woke up, let out a huge scream, and then fell silent.
Thirty minutes passed.
Then another thirty minutes.
Finally, he came downstairs, sweating profusely.
“What happened?” his wife asked.
He stared at her in horror.
“You were right!”
“What do you mean?”
“My intestines did come out!”
His wife tried not to smile.
“But don’t worry, honey,” he continued. “After a lot of work, I finally managed to push them back in.”
================================
Michael’s wife, refusing to give in to the appearance of growing old, went out and bought a new line of expensive cosmetics guaranteed to make her look years younger.
After a lengthy session in front of the mirror applying the “miracle” products, she turned to her husband.
“Darling, honestly, if you didn’t know me, what age would you say I am?”
Michael looked her over carefully.
“Judging from your skin, twenty; your hair, eighteen; and your figure, twenty-five.”
“Oh, you flatterer!” she gushed.
Just as she was about to tell Michael his reward, he stopped her.
“Whoa, hold on there, sweetie. I haven’t added them up yet!”
P.S. Please let us know if you’ve seen him. We’re very worried.
—————————————————————————————————
An irate father stormed into the principal’s office.
“I want to know why my son Winslow was given a zero on his English examination.”
“We’ll get Winslow’s English teacher in here. I’m sure she has some explanation,” the principal said.
A few minutes later, the English teacher came in.
“Why did you give Winslow a zero on his test?” demanded the father.
“I had no choice,” said the schoolteacher. “He handed in a blank paper with absolutely nothing on it.”
“That’s no excuse!” shouted the father.
The teacher looked at him calmly.
“You could have at least given him an ‘A’ for neatness!”
==============================
### Machine and Bottle
After the birth of their first child, Tom and Sarah decided it was time to write a will and get their affairs in order.
They went to a lawyer and outlined their ideas about how their estate should be handled.
The lawyer then asked them questions about what medical means should be employed should they become severely injured.
Tom spoke up.
“I don’t want my life regulated by some machine. I just can’t stand the idea of receiving my nourishment from a bottle.”
Sarah took Tom’s words to heart.
When they got home, she cut the TV cord and dumped out all of Tom’s beer.
—————————————————————————————————————————-
A lady lost her handbag in the bustle of Christmas shopping.
It was found by an honest little boy and returned to her.
Looking in her purse, she commented, “Hmm… that’s funny. When I lost my bag, there was a $20 bill in it. Now there are twenty $1 bills.”
The boy quickly replied, “That’s right, lady.”
The woman looked puzzled.
The boy continued, “The last time I found a lady’s purse, she didn’t have any change for a reward.”
LOL! Did you laugh?
We hope you enjoy this joke.
Have a nice day! You are loved!
====================================
### First Day on the Job, and This Trainee Already Knows How to Handle the Big Boss!
A man started his first day as a trainee at a huge corporate empire.
Feeling bold, he picked up the phone and dialed the pantry.
“Get me a coffee, quickly!” he demanded.
But—oops!
He hadn’t dialed the pantry.
A voice on the other end immediately snapped, “You fool! You’ve dialed the wrong extension! Do you even know who you’re talking to, dumbo?!”
The trainee calmly replied, “No.”
The voice became even more irritated.
“It’s the CEO of the company, you fool!”
The trainee paused for a moment.
Then he shouted back, “And do you know who YOU’RE talking to, you fool?!”
The CEO, now completely confused, asked, “No. Who?”
The trainee smiled.
“Good!”
And he hung up.
