Jay calls up the doc at 2 AM. “Doc, my wife is having severe abdomen pain. I think it’s her appendix.”
“What nonsense!” says the doc sleepily.
“I took out your wife’s appendix two years ago. Go back to sleep.”
Five minutes later, the phone rings and it’s Jay again. “Doc, I’m sure it’s her appendix.”
“Oh God!” the doctor groaned.
“Did you ever hear of anyone having a second appendix?”
“No…,” says Jay. “But I’m sure you must have heard of someone having a second wife..!!!!”
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A blonde brought her baby to a doctor. After examining, the doctor immediately determined that the baby had an earache.
He wrote a prescription for eardrops. In the directions, he wrote, “Put two drops in right ear every four hours,” and he abbreviated “right” as an R with a circle around it.
Several days passed, and the blonde returned with her baby, looking extremely worried. She explained that the baby still had an earache and that something strange had happened — his little behind was now becoming extremely greasy from all the oil drops.
The doctor frowned and picked up the bottle, wondering if there had been some unusual reaction. He carefully checked the label, and sure enough, the pharmacist had typed the following instructions:
“Put two drops in R ear every four hours.”
The doctor stared at the label for a moment, then burst out laughing.
The baby had never received ear treatment at all. The poor child had been getting a completely different kind of “care” because one tiny letter had caused a very embarrassing misunderstanding.
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Doctor Simon is known throughout London as one of the best consultants on arthritis. He always has a waiting room full of people who need his advice and specialist treatment.
One day, an elderly lady slowly struggles into his waiting room. She is completely bent over, barely able to move, and leans heavily on her walking stick. A chair is quickly found for her as everyone watches with sympathy.
Eventually, her turn comes to go into Doctor Simon’s office. Fifteen minutes later, to everyone’s surprise, she comes briskly out of his room walking almost upright. She is holding her head high and has a huge smile on her face.
The people in the waiting room stare in amazement.
A woman says, “It’s unbelievable, a miracle even. You walked in bent in half, and now you’re almost standing straight. What a fantastic doctor he is!
Tell me, what did Doctor Simon do to you?”
The elderly woman smiles and replies, “Miracle, shmiracle… he didn’t cure my arthritis. He just gave me a longer walking stick.”
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Two doctors, Dean and Gable, are treating a man with lung disease. They are explaining how his smoking habit has caused his condition to worsen.
“But it’s just herbal!” the patient protested. “How can something natural be bad for me?”
Dr. Jenkins sighed and leaned back in his chair.
“People often think that anything natural is automatically safe. But nature can be dangerous too. Apricot stones contain lethal amounts of cyanide. There is even a certain plant in my back garden that could kill you if you sat under it for just five minutes. So remember, natural doesn’t always mean harmless.”
The man looked uneasy but seemed convinced. He promised the doctors that he would stop smoking.
After he left, the doctors went to lunch. As they were sitting down to eat, Dr. Smith suddenly looked curious.
“Oh, by the way,” he asked, “what exactly is that plant in your garden that can kill someone just by sitting under it?”
Dr. Jenkins calmly picked up his fork and replied:
“A water lily.”
The table went silent for a moment.
Then everyone burst out laughing.
==============================================
Oliver’s wife, Amelia, and their kids all came down with the flu.
After returning home from the pediatrician’s office with his four children, Oliver turned his attention to his sick wife. He prepared some chicken soup for her, made sure she was comfortable, and then picked up the phone to call her doctor.
The receptionist answered, and Oliver quickly explained the situation.
She politely told him that the office would be closed for the next couple of days, but that Amelia could have an appointment in three days.
Oliver couldn’t believe what he was hearing.
“Three days?!” he shouted into the phone. “The doctor can’t see her for three days? She could be dead by then!”
There was a brief silence on the other end of the line.
Then the receptionist calmly replied:
“If that happens, would you please call back to cancel the appointment?”
The room went quiet as Oliver realized the receptionist had delivered the coldest medical advice he had ever received — and without even leaving her desk.
