A grandmother sent her grandson a shirt for his birthday. The only trouble was that he had a size 14 neck and the shirt was size 12. When the grandson sent a thank you note, he wrote, “Dear Grandma. I truly appreciate the thoughtful gift. I tried it on immediately, and it was almost perfect… thanks a lot for the shirt. I’d write more, but I’m all choked up,” leaving just enough ambiguity that made Grandma smile proudly, completely unaware of the hidden joke behind his words.
A 5-year old girl went to visit her grandmother one day. She played with her dolls as grandma dusted the furniture. The house was quiet except for the soft hum of an old television in the background, as if it held secrets of its own. At one point, she looked up suddenly, as children often do when curiosity strikes without warning, and asked: “Grandma, how come you don’t have a boyfriend?” Grandma paused for a moment, then replied with a calm smile: “Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can sit in my bedroom and watch it all day long. The TV evangelists keep me company and make me feel so good. The comedies make me laugh. I’m so happy with my TV as my boyfriend.” Later, Grandma turned on the TV and the picture was horrible. She began adjusting the knobs, leaning closer with growing frustration, trying to bring the image into focus. When nothing worked, she started hitting the back of the TV, hoping it would magically fix itself. Just then, the doorbell rang sharply, breaking the tension. The little girl rushed to open the door, and standing there was Grandma’s minister. With a polite smile, he asked, “Hello young lady. Is your grandma home?” Without hesitation, and still echoing what she had seen moments earlier, the little girl replied: “Yeah, she’s in the bedroom bangin’ her boyfriend.”
One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. The rhythmic sound of running water filled the room, but the child’s attention drifted to something unexpected as she studied her mother’s face. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head, almost like hidden warnings of time. She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, “Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?” Her mother replied gently, “Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.” The little girl sat quietly for a while, absorbing this new “rule of life,” as if calculating something serious in her mind, then slowly looked up and said, “Momma, how come ALL of grandma’s hairs are white?”
A boy is writing his grandmother a letter. His friends sees it and asks him: “Who are you writing that letter to?” The boy replies proudly, “My grandma.” His friend leans over his shoulder and notices how slowly he is forming each word, almost painfully deliberate, and asks him: “Why are you writing so slowly?” The boy looks up with complete seriousness and says, “She can’t read very fast!”
