Three women sit in a beauty parlor, chatting about their husbands while getting their hair done. Before long, the conversation turns to the suspicious things their husbands had been doing. The first woman says, “Last night my husband told me he was going to the office, but when I called his office, they said he wasn’t there!” She shook her head suspiciously. “Now I’m wondering where he really was.”
“I know exactly what you mean!” the second woman says. “Last night my husband told me he was going to his brother’s house, but when I called, his brother said he wasn’t there either.” The two women exchanged knowing looks, each convinced she had uncovered something suspicious about her husband.
The third woman quietly listens to them before finally saying, “I always know exactly where my husband is.”
“Impossible!” both women exclaim. “You mean he never disappears, never gives you a suspicious excuse, and never leaves you wondering where he really is? He must have you completely fooled!”
“Oh no,” says the woman calmly. “He can’t fool me anymore. I’m a widow.”
A newly widowed woman requested the epitaph “Rest in Peace” for her husband’s tombstone. She wanted the words to be simple, respectful, and final. After all, she told the engraver, whatever had happened during their marriage was now in the past.
But some time later, she discovered something that completely changed her feelings. She learned that her late husband had secretly left his entire fortune to his mistress. Furious and feeling betrayed all over again, she immediately returned to the engraver and demanded that the inscription be changed.
Unfortunately, the engraver shook his head. The words had already been carefully chiseled into the stone, and there was no practical way to remove them without ruining the entire tombstone. The widow stood there for a moment, thinking about what she could possibly do.
“In that case,” she finally said, with a determined look on her face, “please add, ‘Till We Meet Again.’”
Every day Francesca went to the cemetery in her village to water the flowers on the grave of her deceased husband, Enzo. She cared for the grave with remarkable devotion, carefully removing weeds, straightening the flowers, and making sure everything looked perfect before she left.
But there was one strange thing she always did that puzzled everyone who happened to notice. Whenever she finished tending the grave, Francesca never simply turned around and walked toward the cemetery gate. Instead, she slowly walked backwards all the way out of the cemetery.
One day her friend Bianca finally became too curious to remain silent. She watched Francesca carefully water the flowers, straighten the vase, say a few quiet words, and then begin her unusual backward walk toward the gate.
“Francesca, why do you always leave the cemetery walking backwards?” Bianca finally asked. “I’ve seen you do this every single day, and I have to know why!”
Francesca stopped, looked at her friend, and smiled. “When Enzo was alive, he always told me, ‘You’ve got such beautiful eyes, they could bring a dead man back to life.’”
She glanced nervously toward the grave before adding, “So I’m not taking any chances!”
Two men were talking about their wives one afternoon, comparing their marriages and proudly describing the women they had married. The first man smiled and said, “My wife is an angel.”
The second man stared at him for a moment, then sighed with what sounded like deep sympathy.
“You’re lucky,” he finally said.
The first man smiled proudly. “Why?”
The second man shrugged and replied, “Mine’s still alive.”
**Machine and Bottle**
After the birth of their first child, Tom and Sarah decided it was time to write a will and get their affairs in order. They realized that becoming parents had changed everything, and they wanted to make sure their family would be protected if anything unexpected ever happened to them.
They went to a lawyer and carefully explained how they wanted their estate handled. The lawyer listened patiently, took notes, and then began asking them some serious questions about what medical means should be employed if either of them ever became severely injured or unable to communicate.
The conversation became more serious as the lawyer explained the importance of making their wishes known in advance. Tom listened carefully, then suddenly spoke up with complete confidence.
“I don’t want my life regulated by some machine,” he said. “I just can’t stand the idea of receiving my nourishment from a bottle. If something ever happens to me, I want things to be simple.”
Sarah listened silently. The lawyer continued taking notes, apparently unaware that Tom’s words were about to have consequences far beyond the legal paperwork.
When they got home, Sarah calmly walked into the living room, picked up a pair of scissors, and cut the television cord.
Then she went into the kitchen, opened the refrigerator, and dumped out every bottle of Tom’s beer.
Tom stared at her in horror.
Sarah smiled sweetly and said, “Don’t worry, darling. I’m only making sure your wishes are respected.”
