A kangaroo kept getting out of his enclosure at the zoo. Knowing that he could hop high, the zoo officials put up a ten-foot fence. They were certain that this time there was no way the kangaroo could possibly escape. But the next morning, when the zookeeper arrived, there he was—casually sauntering around the zoo as if he owned the place.
The officials were baffled. They decided that a ten-foot fence clearly wasn’t enough, so they doubled it. A twenty-foot fence was put up around the enclosure. They checked every corner, inspected the locks, and congratulated themselves on finally solving the problem. But once again, the next morning, the kangaroo was out, calmly wandering around the zoo.
This time, they went all out. When the fence was forty feet high, a camel in the next enclosure watched the workers struggling to finish it. Curious about the endless construction, the camel leaned over and asked the kangaroo, “How high do you think they’ll go?”
The kangaroo looked at the enormous fence, glanced toward the zookeepers, and gave a tired little sigh. Then he said, “About a thousand feet, unless somebody locks the gate at night!”
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A Newfoundlander living in Toronto decided to visit the Scarborough zoo.
While there, he saw a man putting on an unusual elephant act. The trainer proudly claimed that the elephant could look at a person and tell that person’s age. The Newfie immediately became suspicious, but before he could say anything, the trainer called a small boy forward and asked the elephant to examine him.
The elephant stared at the boy for several seconds. Then, without hesitation, it stamped its foot exactly nine times. The trainer smiled confidently and turned to the boy. “Is that right?”
“Oh yes,” said the boy.
The Newfie watched the performance with narrowed eyes. He was very skeptical and said so, in no uncertain terms. He insisted that there must be some trick involved and that there was no possible way an elephant could know a person’s age simply by looking at them.
Finally, the trainer could take it no longer. He smiled and offered to bet the Newfie that the elephant could look at him and tell him his exact age. The Newfie accepted the wager immediately, certain that he had finally caught the trainer in a lie.
The elephant slowly turned toward him. The crowd became quiet as it looked very closely at the skeptical Newfie from head to toe. It stared at him for several long seconds, as though calculating something incredibly complicated.
Then, without warning, the elephant turned around, raised his tail, and broke wind like you wouldn’t believe.
The crowd erupted in laughter. The Newfie stumbled backward, staring at the elephant in complete disbelief. The elephant calmly turned back around, looked directly at him, and stomped his foot twice.
For several seconds, the Newfie couldn’t speak. Then his eyes widened, his jaw dropped, and with a sound of utter disbelief in his voice, he cried,
“Lard tunderin’ Jaysus b’y, he’s right!!!!
I’m farty-two!”
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Two men were in a forest when suddenly they heard a terrifying roar behind them. Before either man could even turn around, a lion came charging through the trees, its jaws open and its eyes fixed directly on them.
One of the men panicked. He quickly scooped up a handful of sand, threw it straight into the lion’s eyes, and immediately took off running as fast as he could.
The second man, however, stayed exactly where he was, completely unmoved.
The first man looked back over his shoulder and shouted desperately, “Why are you not running?”
The second man calmly watched the lion stumbling around, then looked at his companion and replied,
“Why should I be running? You’re the one who threw the sand.”
