Once we have decided to become parents, we should undoubtedly be aware of all the responsibilities that come with having a child. Yes, having a baby is sometimes inconvenient, uncomfortable and almost never lonely. This should be understood. But at some subconscious level we hope that someone will help us: friends or relatives. And a lot of hope is usually placed in parents in particular. We imagine that, when things get overwhelming, they will step in without hesitation—because that’s what family does. But reality has a way of quietly dismantling those expectations. And sometimes, the people you counted on the most are the very ones who remind you that nothing in life, not even love, is guaranteed to come without conditions.
A viral story from Reddit
One day, this story appeared on Reddit, which did not leave many people indifferent. It spread quickly, not just because of what was said—but because of what it revealed about family, obligation, and the quiet, unspoken contracts between generations:
I asked my mom to help me take care of my newborn, so I could go back to work once my leave is up. Mind you, my mom is 64, has been a homemaker/stay-at-home-mom since 1992, and hasn’t been part of the workforce since then.
She refused, saying she’s too old and that she already raised her kids. She also added that if I really wanted this baby, then maybe I should have thought about staying home like she did to take care of it while my partner goes to work and provides for us like a “traditional” family, and that if she and my dad were able to work it out, so can we. The way she said it wasn’t loud or angry—it was calm, almost rehearsed. And somehow, that made it hurt more.
There is no way me and my partner can make it financially on one income. I as the higher breadwinner, have an internal obligation to go back to work since not only I have the most at stake, I also make the most to keep our family afloat. We are currently in a small, 1 bedroom apartment in a metropolitan area, and would need to save money to move to a 2 bedroom once the baby grows up in a couple of years as we will need more space. Every calculation, every bill, every late-night conversation between us circles back to the same conclusion: if I don’t return to work, everything we’ve built begins to crack.
When I explained it to my mom, she said she will charge me $20/hr for each hour she takes care of the baby, plus late fees if we are late for pickup. And we must provide her with a carseat, stroller, bottles, and pretty much double of everything we have at our home to compensate for taking the baby to her house. She listed it all out so practically, like it was a business arrangement already set in stone. For a moment, I thought she was joking—but she wasn’t smiling. She never was.
I want to save money to bring down our debt, and don’t want to pay her as much nor invest as much in double of everything as it will spiral into more debt for me and my partner. I’m on the fence about enrolling my baby into an infant daycare instead as the cost will overall be lower and a little closer to our home. Due to our jobs, we cannot work from home so we are in desperate need of childcare. Everyone else in our family works full time so they cannot help us as they have a similar 9-5 schedule. The clock is ticking, my leave is ending, and every option feels like a different kind of loss—financial, emotional, or both.
So, am I so bad for wanting my mom, who again is at home all day long (trust me, she does not do anything besides watch TV and cook meals), to take care of my baby for free while me and my partner try to fix our finances? Or is this one of those moments where you realize that the idea of family you grew up believing in… isn’t the one you actually have?
