The man pulled over to the side of the road when he saw the police lights flashing in his rearview mirror. His heart sank as the officer approached the car. “How long have you been riding around without a tail light?” asked the officer.
“Oh, no!” screamed the man, suddenly jumping out of the car.
“Calm down, it isn’t that serious,” said the officer, surprised by the man’s reaction.
“Wait’ll my family finds out!”
The officer frowned and looked around. “Where’s your family?”
The man pointed nervously behind him.
“They’re in the trailer that was hitched to the car!”
A man pulls up to the curb and asks the policeman, “Can I park here?”
“No,” says the cop. “You can’t park here.”
The man looks around at the row of cars already parked along the curb and points toward them. “What about all these other cars?”
The policeman shrugs. “They didn’t ask!”
Two police officers stopped a guy for speeding on the provincial highway in Mississauga, Ontario.
As they were writing up the ticket, one officer suddenly paused, looked at the form, and turned to the other. “How do you spell Mississauga?”
The other officer stared at the word for a moment before shaking his head. “I don’t know.”
The first officer frowned. “Well, what are we going to do? If we spell it wrong, the ticket could get dismissed.”
They both stood there thinking, while the speeding driver watched nervously and wondered whether he might actually get away with it.
Finally, the second officer had an idea.
“Why don’t we just let him go and stop him again when he gets to Toronto?”
A policeman stops two drunks and asks one, “Where do you live?”
The first drunk looks at the policeman with a completely serious expression.
“Nowhere,” he replies.
The policeman sighs and turns to the other drunk, hoping for a more useful answer.
“And where do you live?”
The second drunk smiles proudly.
“We’re neighbours.”
Two drunks are walking along. One drunk suddenly stops, looks up at the sky, and says to the other, “What a beautiful night. Look at the moon.”
The other drunk stops and stares upward for several seconds before shaking his head.
“You’re wrong. That’s not the moon. That’s the sun.”
“No, it’s the moon!”
“It’s the sun!”
They began to argue, each becoming more certain that he was right and the other was completely wrong. Their argument grew louder and louder until, finally, they came upon another drunk walking down the road.
Seeing their chance to settle the matter once and for all, they stopped him.
“Sir, could you please help settle our argument?” one asked. “Tell us what that thing is up in the sky that’s shining. Is it the moon or the sun?”
The third drunk slowly looked up at the sky. He stared for a long moment, as though the answer required serious investigation.
Then he looked back at the two men.
“Sorry,” he said, shaking his head. “I don’t live around here.”
