A kangaroo kept getting out of his enclosure at the zoo. Knowing that he could hop surprisingly high, the zoo officials decided the obvious solution was to put up a ten-foot fence. They were confident that such a barrier would finally keep the troublesome kangaroo where he belonged. But when the keepers arrived the next morning, there he was—out of his enclosure and casually sauntering around the zoo as though he owned the place.
The officials were baffled. They increased the height of the fence to twenty feet. Surely, they thought, that would be enough. But once again, the following morning, the kangaroo was wandering freely around the zoo, completely unconcerned about the enormous fence surrounding his enclosure.
Determined not to be defeated, the zoo officials raised the fence to forty feet. They congratulated themselves on finally solving the problem. Yet the very next morning, the kangaroo was out again, calmly hopping about while the keepers stood staring at the impossible escape.
One day, the camel in the next enclosure watched the zoo workers preparing to make the fence even higher. Finally, unable to contain his curiosity, the camel asked the kangaroo, “How high do you think they’ll go?”
The kangaroo sighed, glanced toward the workers, and said, “About a thousand feet, unless somebody locks the gate at night!”
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A Newfoundlander living in Toronto decided to visit the Scarborough Zoo.
While there, he saw a man performing an elephant act. The trainer proudly claimed that the elephant could look at a person and tell that person’s age. The Newfoundlander watched with growing skepticism as the trainer brought a small boy forward and asked the elephant to determine his age.
The elephant studied the boy carefully, then stamped its enormous foot nine times. “Is that right?” the trainer asked the boy.
“Oh yes,” said the boy, nodding enthusiastically.
The Newfie was very skeptical and said so, in no uncertain terms. He shook his head, muttered that there was no way an elephant could possibly know someone’s age just by looking at them, and refused to be impressed by the performance.
Finally, the trainer could take it no longer. With a mischievous grin, he offered to bet the Newfie that the elephant could look at him and tell him his exact age.
The Newfie immediately accepted the wager. He was certain he had finally caught the trainer in a trick.
The elephant walked over and looked very closely at the skeptical Newfoundlander. It stared at him for several long seconds, almost as though it were studying every wrinkle and line on his face. The crowd grew quiet, waiting to see what would happen.
Then, without warning, the elephant turned around, raised his tail, and broke wind like you wouldn’t believe. The sound echoed across the zoo, leaving the Newfie frozen in disbelief.
The elephant calmly turned back around, looked directly at him, and stomped his foot twice.
The Newfie stumbled backward, his eyes wide with astonishment. For a moment he couldn’t find the words. Then, with a mixture of shock, disbelief, and absolute certainty in his voice, he cried,
“Lard tunderin’ Jaysus b’y, he’s right!!!!
I’m farty-two!”
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Two men were in a forest when a lion suddenly came roaring towards them. Its massive paws pounded against the ground as it charged, and the sound of its roar sent a jolt of terror through the trees.
One of the men panicked. Without thinking twice, he grabbed a handful of sand, threw it directly into the lion’s eyes, and immediately turned and ran for his life.
The second man, however, stayed exactly where he was. He didn’t move an inch.
The first man looked back over his shoulder while running and, seeing his companion still standing there as the lion recovered, shouted desperately, “Why are you not running?”
The second man calmly looked at him and replied,
“Why should I be running? You’re the one who threw the sand.”
