“Went to buy some groceries and never returned,” “picked up the wrong child from daycare,” — these stories about fathers are all over the Internet. And although they do take place, there are good dads too, but these days many people still perceive them as some kind of a miracle. This article will tell you about how difficult it is to be a father sometimes. But what most people never see are the silent decisions, the swallowed pride, and the moments where everything could fall apart — yet somehow doesn’t.

1.

I am divorced from my wife “June,” we have one daughter together, “Clare”. We divorced on bad terms after I lost my job. Came home to an empty house and a note saying she needed someone who could “give her the lifestyle she and Clare deserved.” I didn’t see Clare for a while after that. Those were the longest months of my life — wondering if she would forget me, if I had already become just a name she used to know.
However, I’m now in fantastic financial shape. I now have 50% custody of my daughter and am trying to make up for lost time. This means, since the world has opened up again, as long as Clare does well in school and helps with her chores, the weekend she’s with me, we will do whatever she wants, usual things like museums, movies, near-by national parks, festivals in our city, etc. I try to give her memories strong enough to overwrite the absence.
Yesterday I went to pick up my daughter from school and June and her husband were waiting there and asked to speak to me. They said that the businesses he used to run took a massive hit and have never recovered, and that it’s meant they’ve had to scale back their lifestyle significantly, including June getting a job. They then informed me that June was pregnant, and they didn’t want my spoiling Clare to affect the relationship between the 2 kids, as they couldn’t do the same for their baby. There was something else in June’s eyes too — something I couldn’t quite name. Regret, maybe. Or resentment.
I told them I had no intention of changing how I raised Clare because she was a great kid and deserves to be rewarded for her good behavior. The conversation devolved from there, with June finally screaming at me that I was just some “damn Disneyland dad using his money to get back at her.” What she didn’t understand is that none of this was about her anymore. It was about a little girl who once waited for a father who didn’t come — and a man who refuses to ever be that person again.

2.

The daycare called and said my daughter’s eyes were sore. Everything was fine in the morning. Okay, I took her to the doctor, and he said that she should stay at home for a week due to conjunctivitis. I offered my husband to stay with her, and he agreed — he thought it was like a holiday, all he had to do was just stay at home and drop medicine into the child’s eyes.
In reality, on the first day, our daughter had a toothache. He took her to the dentist, who pulled 2 baby teeth at once. She screamed so hard he later admitted it echoed in his head all night. On the second day, the child started coughing. My husband had to treat her throat, teeth, and eyes. On the third day, my daughter said, “Daddy, my ear hurts!” Again the father and the child went to the doctor who prescribed drops for the ear. And then it was necessary to take blood tests and X-rays. Every morning he woke up hoping, just hoping, there would be nothing new.
For 2 weeks, my husband treated the child and ran to doctors. I’ve never seen him so happy running back to work. But I’ve also never seen him hug our daughter that tightly before leaving.

3.

About 7 years ago, my wife confided in me how much she was depressed because she had to give up her career. She spent all her time with our kids. And I said, “Okay, I’m now a stay at home dad. Go get a job and show them what you’re made of, baby.” I thought it would be temporary. It wasn’t.
And everything seems fine, but all these 7 years, men have been coming up to me and saying stuff like, “Your wife left you with the kids again, didn’t she?” or “What did you do wrong that you deserve this, mate?” And women would kick me out of parents’ room and treat me like I’m worthless. At first I laughed it off. Then I stopped laughing.
And single mothers all think I’m a single dad because there’s no other reason for a man to be a parent. Except my kids love having me around. I’m a good cook, and after running a landscaping crew, I can handle 5 kids and still get the housework done. What people don’t see is that I chose this — and I would choose it again, even if no one ever understands why.

4.

When my daughter was 10, she wanted to try out for a community theater version of Beauty and the Beast. She got nervous, though, and almost backed out, because she was so sure she wasn’t going to make it. She stood in the hallway shaking, script crumpled in her hands, seconds away from quitting.
My husband, who did some acting in high school, stepped in and said that he would also audition, even though he knew he was never going to make it. He was terrified too — but he didn’t show it.
He wanted to demonstrate to her that it’s okay to audition for something that you don’t think you’re going to make. She ended up not only just making it, but she got the part of the Chip. My husband got the part of Maurice, Belle’s father. He didn’t even want to be in a goddamn play. But every night on that stage, when he looked at her, you could tell — that part was never really about acting.

5.

When my son was in the hospital, it made so much more sense for my husband to stay with him because he doesn’t drive, I could get there in 20 minutes, but it would have taken him over an hour and only one of us were allowed to stay. The decision felt simple, but it wasn’t — it meant hours alone, waiting, imagining the worst.
The entire time, he was either questioned whether Mum was involved or ridiculously praised for staying with him. As if just being there was extraordinary. As if he had a choice not to be.
When our son was born my husband stayed with us from when we went in until kicking out time on the ward, they literally couldn’t believe he hadn’t gone home yet. I mean, his first child had just been born, and he wanted to be involved whilst I recovered from being sliced open, and a tiny human yanked from my womb. The next day, the nurse came to me and said they’d never seen a dad stay as long as he did in 20 years of working on maternity. I remember thinking — maybe the bar has just been set far too low.

6.

When my daughter and I go out, it’s always a problem to go to the toilet together. So, I go straight to the accessible toilet. If someone suddenly asks me why I go there, I surprise them with the counter question, “Which one should we use then?” And while they’re trying to come up with an answer, I’m off. It’s a small thing, but in those moments, you realize how many spaces in the world weren’t built with fathers in mind.

7.

I’ve got an 8-month-old son and my partner has been really struggling with postnatal depression, and she has a lot going on, so for 8 months I have been doing the majority of the looking after and caring for our son. Don’t get me wrong, she does a great job, she’s just struggling mentally a bit currently. I end up doing everything. Some nights, I don’t sleep at all — just sit there listening to him breathe.
Whenever we go to see people or whatever, and I change his nappy people are always like, “Oh, you’re on nappy duties, that’s good” and I can sense that they think I’m doing it because we’re out, and I’m trying to look good. My partner will get the “you’re doing an amazing job as a mother!” And I’ll just get the classic, “Dad’s doing a good job too” as if they almost forgot about me. They don’t see the exhaustion. They don’t see the fear of getting it wrong.

8.

I lived with my mother and stepfather. My stepdad was like a father to me since I was 3 years old. At the age of 15, I started to slip seriously in my studies, I partied 24/7. I thought I knew everything.
My stepdad tried to sort out the situation, and we ended up fighting. He tried to reason with me, and I in my youthful maximalism yelled at him, “You are not my father!” That’s how a 15-year-old girl brought a 40-year-old man to tears. I’m still ashamed. The look on his face didn’t fade with time — it stayed, quietly, in the back of every memory I have of him.

9.

I divorced my husband. After a while I started having fights with my daughter who kept saying that her father was good, and I am a monster and do everything wrong. I sent her to live with her father and thought that after a month they would both cry from each other. But it’s been a year!
The daughter feels happy there, they don’t fight. She has even started getting better grades at school, and the ex got back in shape — they go to the gym together now. I visited them recently, their house is clean. Although, they both only made a mess when we all lived together. It was like walking into a life I didn’t recognize — one where I was no longer needed.

10.

My husband was refused entry to the pool. My daughter is 4 months old, and my husband stays at home with her. He wanted to join the infant swimming group, but they wouldn’t let him, saying, “Our mums will feel uncomfortable around you.” He came home holding her a little tighter than usual. He didn’t say much — but something in him had clearly shifted.

11.

I remember working at the reception desk in a gym, and a father and his daughter came up to me asking where they could change. I was confused, of course. There were no family changing rooms at the time, so I had to send them to an empty solarium. They thanked me like I had done them a favor, but really, it felt like we had failed them.

12.

When I met my now-wife, she had a 3-year-old daughter. I always made it a point to treat her as I would my own kid, and we became close pretty quickly, when she was around 4 she even started calling me daddy. Her biological dad comes in and out of my stepdaughter’s life, she calls us both dad but when she’s with my wife and me, she refers to him as his first name.
Well, last night she was visiting with her bio dad when I got a text from my stepdaughter wondering if I could pick her up. Well, I got there, she was sitting outside with her bio dad holding her arm. Something felt off immediately.
She came over to my car and told me she was messing around with a skateboard and fell on her arm, her arm was bruised, swollen, and hard for her to move.
I asked her bio dad, why didn’t he call my wife. He said, “I don’t think it’s that bad, she’s just being dramatic.” My stepdaughter just looked at me and said, “Dad, can we just please go, I’m in a lot of pain.” That word — “Dad” — hit differently in that moment.
As she was getting in the car I told her bio dad see this is why I’m her real dad, not you… I actually care for her and her well-being. The daughter actually did break her arm, and I’m the one who was in the ER with her until 1 a.m., sitting in a plastic chair, waiting for the doctor, promising her she’d be okay — and meaning it.

13.

I came to the pool and saw the following: at the entrance to the women’s shower room, 2 little girls, 3 and 5 years old, were standing holding hands, afraid to go in. There is no door to the shower room, and around its corner stands their father, shouting, “Go, don’t be afraid, ask any woman to turn on the shower.” He couldn’t see them. They couldn’t see him.
I thought then how inconvenient it is for fathers — they can’t change clothes together with their kids and those are out of their sight for a long time. And sometimes, those few minutes feel like forever.

14.

My wife and I had a daughter. I work remotely. So when my wife started going crazy on maternity leave, I let her go back to work — part-time at first. But in the meantime, our baby girl was growing up and demanding more attention. I had to take more and more time off work. Each day felt like a balancing act that could collapse at any second.
Meanwhile, my wife’s career took off, and she started begging me to let her work full-time. I was angry, but I realized that I didn’t want to deprive my significant other of this chance. So I officially went on paternity leave. It wasn’t the life I imagined — but it became the one that mattered.
For 6 months that I’ve stayed with the baby, people around me divided into 2 groups: many of them supported me, but some of my friends didn’t approve. However, when I carry my daughter from a walk, who now weighs almost 30 pounds, and also grocery bags, even I find it hard. So, I think I made the right choice. And when she falls asleep on my shoulder, everything else goes quiet — like the world finally agrees.