A patient complained to a doctor that he wet his bed every night. “Before it happens, do you see any dreams?” the doctor asked. “Yes, doctor. Usually, I see a dream in which a small demon comes and says, ‘Let’s pee.’”
“OK,” the doctor said. “Next time you see the demon, simply tell him, ‘No, we’ve already peed.’ That should break the pattern and stop the dream from leading you into trouble.”
The next time the patient came to the doctor, the latter asked, “So? Did you do as I said?”
“Yes, I did.”
“Did it help?”
“Yes, doctor. Only, it made the matter much worse.”
“How?”
“As soon as I said, ‘We’ve already peed,’ the demon nodded, smiled, and said, ‘Then, let’s shit a little.’”
Banta called his friend Santa and told him that he had recently met the woman of his dreams. “Now what should I do?” he asked, clearly hoping his friend would have the perfect romantic strategy.
Santa thought for a moment and said, “Send her some flowers and a card, then invite her over for a nice home-cooked meal. Show her that you’re serious.”
Banta loved the idea and immediately invited the woman to his home. The following day, Santa called Banta, eager to hear how the romantic evening had gone. “So, how was the meal?” he asked.
Banta sighed. “It was a complete flop.”
Santa was surprised. “Didn’t the girl come to your house?”
“She did,” Banta replied. “But there was one small problem.”
“What problem?”
“She refused to cook!”
A man went to his therapist to have a strange dream interpreted. He explained that he had been dreaming about eating a huge meal—a magnificent seven-course dinner. He started with the soup and was looking forward to moving on to the salad next.
But just as he finished his soup and put his spoon down, something bizarre happened: the bowl magically refilled itself.
Confused, he ate the soup again. Once more, the bowl refilled itself. He tried again, hoping that eventually he could move on to the salad, but every time he finished the soup, the bowl mysteriously became full again. No matter how many times he ate, the next course remained completely out of reach.
Finally, he asked his doctor, “What do you think this dream means? Is there some deep psychological message behind it?”
The doctor thought for a moment before calmly replying, “It only proves that you cannot change courses in the middle of a dream.”
Two guys narrowly escaped from a sinking ship on a life raft and discovered a mysterious magic lamp tucked away in a dark cranny. With the ship disappearing beneath the waves and nothing left to lose, one of the men shrugged and said, “What the hell?” He picked up the lamp and rubbed it.
“Poof!”
A thick cloud of smoke suddenly burst from the lamp. A second later, a genie appeared before them and announced, “I will grant each of you one wish.”
The two men stared at each other, hardly believing their luck. After thinking for a while, the first man finally turned to the genie and said, “I wish I were floating on an ocean of beer.”
The genie waved his hand, and instantly the man’s wish was granted. The life raft was suddenly surrounded by an enormous ocean of beer as far as the eye could see. The genie disappeared, leaving the man grinning proudly at his brilliant wish.
His companion stared at him in disbelief for a few seconds before finally shaking his head.
“Way to go, idiot,” he said. “Now we have to pee in the boat.”
