Three women were sitting around and bragging about their children. The first one says, “You know, my son graduated first in his class from Oxford. He’s now a doctor, making $250,000 a year in Chicago.”
The second woman smiles and replies, “That’s impressive, but my son graduated first in his class from Cambridge. He’s now a lawyer, making half a million dollars a year, and he lives in Los Angeles.”
The last woman quietly sips her tea before speaking. “Well, my son never did too well in school. In fact, he never went to any university at all. But these days he makes one million pounds a year in London working as a sports repairman.”
The other two women exchange puzzled looks.
Finally, one of them asks, “A sports repairman? What on earth is that?”
The woman leans forward, lowers her voice, and says with a grin, “He fixes things… you know… hockey games, football games, snooker games…”
A long silence follows before the other two women suddenly realize exactly what she means.
One day, three men were hiking and unexpectedly came upon a large, raging, violent river. The water thundered past with terrifying force, smashing against rocks and carrying tree trunks downstream. They needed to get to the other side, but had no idea how to do it.
The first man fell to his knees and prayed to God, saying, “Please God, give me the strength to cross this river.”
Poof!
God gave him huge arms and powerful legs. With all his might, he plunged into the water. He battled the current for nearly two hours, swallowing water and almost drowning several times before finally dragging himself onto the opposite bank, exhausted but alive.
Seeing this, the second man prayed, “Please God, give me the strength and the tools to cross this river.”
Poof!
God gave him a sturdy rowboat and strong oars. The man launched the boat into the river and began rowing furiously. Several times the current nearly flipped him over. At one point, a massive wave almost capsized the boat entirely. But after about an hour of struggle, he successfully reached the other side.
The third man carefully watched what had happened to the first two. He thought for a moment, then knelt down and prayed.
“Please God, give me the strength and the tools… and the intelligence… to cross this river.”
There was a flash of light.
Poof!
God turned him into a woman.
She looked around calmly, unfolded the map the men had been carrying all along, studied it for a few seconds, hiked a couple hundred yards upstream, and walked across a bridge.
================================
Three men were outside Heaven’s gates waiting to be allowed through. Towering above them stood a magnificent bridge leading into Heaven itself. At the gate, an angel explained the rules.
“Depending on the length of time you were with your last partner and how faithful you were, your journey across the bridge to Heaven will be decided.”
The first man stepped forward.
“I was with my wife for five years,” he admitted, “and I cheated three times.”
The angel nodded and handed him the keys to an old pickup truck.
The second man spoke next.
“I was married for eleven years and only cheated once.”
The angel smiled slightly and rewarded him with a shiny Mercedes.
Then the third man stepped forward.
“I was with my wife for twenty years and never cheated once. We loved each other with all our hearts.”
The angel looked deeply impressed.
“Well done.”
With that, he presented the man with a gold-edition Lamborghini.
The engine roared to life, and the man sped across the bridge, quickly disappearing into the distance while the other two slowly followed behind.
Hours later, the first two men finally caught up with him at a diner along the heavenly road.
To their surprise, the man with the Lamborghini was sitting alone at a table, his head in his hands, sobbing uncontrollably.
Concerned, one of the men approached him.
“Hey,” he said gently, “I know we’re dead, but things could be much worse. You were given the best car of all. Why are you so upset?”
The man slowly looked up. Tears streamed down his face.
“Why am I upset?”
He pointed shakily down the road.
“Because thirty minutes ago, I passed my wife…”
The other two men waited nervously.
“What was she driving?” one finally asked.
The man burst into fresh tears.
“Driving? She wasn’t driving anything…”
He paused dramatically.
“She was riding a skateboard!”
