One day, a wife came home early and walked straight into their bedroom—only to find her husband in bed with a very attractive young woman.
Naturally, she was devastated. Her voice shook as she cried out, “You disrespectful pig! How dare you do this to me? I’m your faithful wife, the mother of your children! I’m leaving you. I want a divorce this instant!”
The husband scrambled to defend himself. “Wait, love—please! Let me at least explain what happened.”
“Explain?” she sobbed, “Go ahead then. But these will be the last words you ever say to me.”
So the husband began his elaborate defense.
“Well,” he said nervously, “I was getting into the car to drive home, when this young woman stopped me. She looked so helpless, so thin and downcast, that I took pity on her and offered her a ride. She told me she hadn’t eaten in three days, and my heart just broke.
Out of compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last night—the ones you refused to eat because you said you might gain weight. She devoured them like she hadn’t seen food in weeks.
Then, she needed a proper wash, so I let her use the shower. But when I saw her clothes—dirty, torn, full of holes—I couldn’t let her put them back on. I threw them away.
Naturally, she needed something to wear, so I gave her those designer jeans you’ve had for years but never wear because they’re ‘too tight.’ I also gave her that delicate lingerie I bought you for our anniversary, the one you said was hideous because I ‘don’t have any taste.’
Then I thought of the blouse your sister gave you for Christmas—the one you never wear just to spite her—and I passed that on too. Finally, I remembered those expensive boutique boots you stuffed into the back of the closet because your coworker bought the same pair, so I gave her those as well.”
He paused, catching his breath, then went on.
“She was overwhelmed by my kindness. As I walked her to the door, tears welled up in her eyes. She clutched my hand and whispered…”
The wife stood frozen, glaring, waiting for the excuse to end.
The husband swallowed hard, then finished:
“‘Tell me… do you have anything else your wife doesn’t use?’”
