When you fall in love, you often believe it will last forever. But reality doesn’t always match expectations, and sometimes people drift apart.
One husband decided to end his marriage with what he thought was a clever move—writing his wife a letter to explain why he was leaving. What he didn’t anticipate was that her witty reply would flip the script completely. What follows is both hilarious and brilliant.
The Husband’s Letter
Dear Wife,
I’m writing you this letter to tell you that I’m leaving you for good. I’ve been a good man to you throughout our 7 years of marriage, yet I have nothing to show for it.
These last 2 weeks have been unbearable. Today, your boss told me you quit your job—another burden I couldn’t take.
Last week, I got a new haircut, cooked your favorite meal, and even put on brand-new silk boxers. You didn’t notice the haircut, you scarfed your dinner in two minutes, and then went straight to bed after watching your soaps. You don’t tell me you love me anymore. You don’t want intimacy or anything that connects us as husband and wife.
Either you’re cheating on me, or you just don’t love me anymore. Whatever the case, I’m done.
Your EX-Husband
P.S. Don’t bother looking for me. Your SISTER and I are moving away to West Virginia together. Have a great life.
The Wife’s Reply
Dear Ex-Husband,
Nothing has made my day brighter than receiving your letter. Yes, we’ve been married 7 years, but let’s not pretend you were ever a “good man.”
I drown myself in TV because it’s the only thing that tunes out your constant whining and complaining.
I did notice your haircut. My first thought was, “He looks just like a girl.” But since my mother raised me not to say anything unkind, I held my tongue.
As for the meal—you must’ve confused me with my sister, because I stopped eating pork the day we got married. Seven years ago.
And those silk boxers? I looked away not out of disinterest, but because the $49.99 price tag was still dangling. And wouldn’t you know it—my sister had borrowed $50 from me that very morning.
Despite all this, I still believed we could make it work. That’s why when I hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica. Sadly, by the time I got home, you had already left.
Everything happens for a reason. I truly hope you find the life you’ve always wanted. By the way, my lawyer says your letter ensures you won’t see a dime of my winnings.
Signed,
Your Ex-Wife—Rich as Hell and Finally Free
P.S. I don’t think I ever mentioned this, but my sister Carla was actually born Carl. Hope that won’t be a problem.
