Hello,
My name is Angela. I’m a new mom, and my baby is just 7 weeks old. After giving birth, I moved in with my parents for support. In Filipino families, it’s common for relatives to step in and help a new mother while she heals, and my parents were more than willing.
But when my husband’s family visited, things went wrong. My mother-in-law looked at me and snapped:
“You can’t keep playing helpless princess. It’s been long enough. You can’t just lie in bed all day.”
I was shocked. I tried to explain that in our culture, family support for the new mother isn’t laziness—it’s tradition. It’s a way of making sure she recovers physically and emotionally.
But she kept going:
“This is nonsense. You can’t just use culture as an excuse to be lazy. The baby’s father needs help, too, and you’re just letting him carry the burden.”
Before I could respond, my husband spoke up. Calm but firm, he said:
“Mom, that’s enough. Angela is recovering, and she needs time. If you can’t respect her needs, then maybe you should leave.”
My mother-in-law froze, then grabbed her bag and walked out. Later, she called my husband and said they had bought tickets back to their hometown. According to her, we didn’t “respect” them, so they didn’t want to stay with us anymore.
Now the house feels divided. My parents support me fully, but my in-laws are upset. I feel guilty, exhausted, and torn. Part of me wonders if I should reach out and fix things. But I’m barely sleeping, my body is still healing, and every ounce of my energy is going into caring for my newborn. Is it really my job to mend this family rift?
Guidance for Angela
1. Pinpoint the guilt and question it.
Ask yourself: what exactly are you guilty about? That your MIL left? That she felt disrespected? That your husband defended you? None of those were caused by you doing something wrong. You didn’t insult her—you simply existed as a recovering new mom.
2. Imagine if this were your friend’s story.
If a friend said: “I just gave birth, I’m barely coping, and my MIL called me lazy and stormed out,” would you tell her to run after her MIL and apologize? Or would you tell her to rest and let it go for now? Chances are, you’d tell her she has nothing to fix.
3. Separate respect from expectations.
She said you didn’t respect her. But “respect” doesn’t mean following someone else’s rules. It means treating them with dignity—which you did. What she really wanted was for you to follow her way. That’s not the same as disrespect.
4. Try a “gentle bridge” instead of a confrontation.
If you want to keep the peace without draining yourself, you don’t need a heavy talk right now. Small gestures can ease tension:
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Send a photo of the baby wearing something she gifted.
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Share a short video of the baby smiling or yawning.
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Even a simple 👶❤️ emoji can open the door without forcing a big conversation.
This way, you acknowledge her role as a grandmother without exhausting yourself. The rest can wait until you’re stronger.
👉 The bottom line: It’s not your sole responsibility to fix this. You’re doing the hardest, most important work right now—caring for your baby and healing yourself. Family misunderstandings can be mended later. For now, your well-being and your child come first.
