The journey of self-improvement is rarely a straight road. It twists, doubles back, and often throws you onto unpaved paths you didn’t expect to take. When I first set foot on this terrain, I felt swallowed by the sheer amount of information—hundreds of philosophies, healing modalities, and “guaranteed” roadmaps to transformation.
Some of it was profound. Some of it was performative. Still, I devoured all of it.
From academic research and professional training to late-night blog binges and YouTube deep dives, I became a relentless student of personal growth. But nearly a decade later, what stayed with me wasn’t any single technique or guru’s wisdom. It was one radical, deceptively simple truth: I have to choose myself—every single day.
And let me be honest—choosing myself did not come naturally.
For years, self-betrayal was my default. I knew what I needed—my mind told me loud and clear—but guilt, conditioning, and fear often kept me from acting on it. Replacing that reflex with self-honoring habits took years of fumbling forward.
Here are the four ways I’ve learned to choose myself—consistently, imperfectly, and with love.
1. I choose myself by learning and re-learning my happiness equation.
At some point, I stopped believing happiness would arrive by accident. I began treating it like an equation—specific elements that, when combined, brought me back to balance.
For me, that mix includes creativity (as both an artist and a writer), moving my body outdoors, keeping my home uncluttered, regular meditation, and staying hydrated. These aren’t flashy or groundbreaking, but they are the roots that keep me standing.
And like any equation, mine evolves. What fuels me today may not tomorrow. That’s why I journal, why I meditate, and why I regularly ask: What do I need right now?
That question has become my compass—quietly guiding me home when the world gets loud.
2. I choose myself by practicing discipline—gently but firmly.
For years, I avoided discipline, convinced it would suffocate my creativity. But I eventually realized discipline isn’t a cage—it’s an anchor.
Discipline is how I keep promises to myself. It turns good intentions into tangible results. It builds the most important currency I have—self-trust.
And the beauty is in the momentum: one day of discipline becomes a week, a week becomes a month. Suddenly, my mornings are calmer, my boundaries stronger, my mind clearer. Not because I forced myself, but because I cared enough to follow through.
I’ve learned that discipline is a love language too—one I now speak fluently.
3. I choose myself by honoring the past without living in it.
My childhood was far from easy. In my early twenties, I realized that unless I addressed it, I would unconsciously replay the same patterns.
So I dove deep—therapy, inner child work, reparenting. I did the hard work. Still, triggers and memories resurface. The difference now is that I no longer let them dictate my life.
Sometimes I sit with them for five minutes. Sometimes for a week. I meet them with compassion but remain rooted in the present. The goal is no longer to “fix” the past—it’s to ensure it doesn’t steal my future.
4. I choose myself by staying rooted in who I am—regardless of what happens around me.
This is my newest and most liberating practice: refusing to let the world decide my worth.
I am not my job title. I am not my productivity, my bank account, or my social approval rating.
For years, I chased validation like oxygen. Now, I build my self-assurance from within. When life goes wrong, I stay grounded. When it goes beautifully, I savor it without clinging.
Life is unpredictable. But I don’t have to be.
Choosing myself—daily, actively, unapologetically—has become the greatest act of self-love I know. I’ll keep practicing it, refining it, and living it, for as long as I’m here.
If you’re somewhere in the middle of your own journey, I hope these lessons give you a starting point—or a reminder that you’re allowed to be the main character in your own life. Not once, but always.
