“My wife is missing. She went shopping yesterday and hasn’t come home!”

The police officer picked up his pen and prepared to take notes.

OFFICER: “Age?”

HUSBAND: “Not exactly sure. Somewhere between 50 and 60. We don’t really do birthdays.”

OFFICER: “Height?”

HUSBAND: “A little over five feet, I guess.”

OFFICER: “Weight?”

HUSBAND: “Hard to say. Not slim, not heavy. Somewhere in the middle.”

OFFICER: “Eye color?”

HUSBAND: “Sort of brown… I think. Maybe hazel?”

OFFICER: “Hair color?”

HUSBAND: “Changes every few months. Could be dark brown now. Might be blonde. Could be red. Honestly, no idea.”

OFFICER: “What was she wearing when she left?”

HUSBAND: “Pants, or a skirt… or maybe shorts. Something like that.”

OFFICER (already scribbling with a sigh): “What vehicle did she take?”

HUSBAND (suddenly perking up): “Oh! She took my truck.”

OFFICER: “And what kind of truck is it?”

The husband straightened up, eyes gleaming.

HUSBAND: “It’s a 2017 Ram Limited 4X4. Pearl white, manufactured on September 16th. It’s got a 6.4L HEMI V8 engine. I had it ordered with the RamBox bar and fridge option, LED lighting, backup and front cameras, Moose hide leather seats—heated and cooled—climate-controlled A/C.”

He paused only to catch his breath before continuing.

HUSBAND: “There’s a custom matching white bed cover, WeatherTech floor mats, gold hitch with a full trailer package, sunroof, DVD system, full GPS navigation, satellite radio, and a Cobra 75 WX ST 40-channel CB radio. It’s got six cup holders, three USB ports, four power outlets, special alloy wheels, off-road Toyo tires, retracting running boards, and under-glow wheel well lighting.”

His voice began to crack, eyes misting.

HUSBAND (choking up): “It’s… it’s my baby.”

The officer gently set down his pen.

OFFICER (calmly): “Take it easy, sir. We’ll find your truck.”