The teacher said to the children:
“In a paddock, there were twelve sheep. Six of them got out by jumping over the fence. How many sheep are left behind?”
“None,” little Jim said.
“None?” said the teacher, surprised. “Jim, you’re clueless at math.”
“And you, miss, are clueless about sheep! As soon as the first sheep jumps out, the others will follow as well!”
Jim and Edna are both mental patients.
One day, Jim jumps into the swimming pool but doesn’t come back up for air. Quick as a flash, Edna sees her friend in trouble, so she dives in and pulls him out. Everyone rushes over, expecting the worst, but Edna manages to get Jim safely out of the water. Later, the hospital director calls Edna into his office and says, “Edna, I’ve got some good news and some bad news.”
“The good news is, we are releasing you because you are obviously sane after saving another person’s life. But unfortunately, the bad news is that Jim hanged himself in the bathroom…”
“Oh no,” Edna replies, “that’s where I put him to dry!”
Two Texas farmers, Jim and Bob, are sitting in a bar, enjoying beers. Jim turns to Bob and says, “You know what? I’m going to go to college!”
He then leaves the bar and makes his way over to the local college, convinced that he is about to become one of the smartest men in Texas.
He is met by the Dean of Administration, who is explaining to Jim what classes he is going to take. “Alright, Jim. You are going to take four classes,” the Dean says.
“English, Math, Science, and Logic.”
“Logic?” Jim asks. “What the hell is that?”
“Here, I’ll give you an example. Do you own a weed wacker?”
Proudly, Jim responded, “Yes, I do.”
“Well, if you own a weed wacker, then logically speaking, you own a lawn,” the Dean said.
“Yes, yes, I do have a lawn!”
“Well, if you have a lawn, then logically speaking, you own a house.”
“Yes, yes, I do have a house!”
“And if you have a house, then logically speaking, you have a family.”
“Yes, yes, I do have a family!”
“And if you have a family, then logically speaking, you have a wife. And if you have a wife, then logically speaking, you’re married.”
“Yes, yes, I do have a wife! Wow, I can’t believe you figured all of that out just because you knew I had a weed wacker!” Jim exclaimed.
“Yeah, that’s what logic is,” the Dean responded. Jim excitedly went back to the bar, where Bob was waiting for him. Jim could barely contain himself as he sat down.
“Bob, I’m taking four classes in college. English, Math, Science, and Logic,” Jim told Bob.
“Logic?” Bob asked. “What the hell is that?”
“Here, I’ll give you an example.”
“Do you own a weed wacker?”
“No.”
“Then, logically speaking, you don’t have a lawn.”
Bob stared at him for a moment, completely confused.
Jim leaned back, took a sip of his beer, and delivered the punchline with complete confidence.
“See? That’s what logic is!”
