Three guys are at a restaurant, all with their girlfriends. The first guy, thinking he is all suave and romantic, decides to show everyone just how charming he can be. He looks at his girlfriend and says, “Could you pass me the honey?…Honey.”
Now, the second guy, clearly impressed and wanting to prove that he can be just as smooth, copies the first guy. With a confident smile, he turns to his girlfriend and says, “Could you pass me the sugar?…Sugar.”
So now, the third guy is under pressure. Both of his friends have managed to sound romantic, and everyone is waiting to see what he can come up with. He has to think of something good—and he has to make it sound effortless.
After a minute of serious thinking, he finally looks at his girlfriend and says, “Pass me the pork…Pig.”
After browsing the restaurant menu for several minutes, I finally had a question for the waitress. I pointed to one of the more expensive dishes and asked, “About the salmon entrée, is that a steak or a fillet?”
“Neither,” she said. “It’s a fish.”
I stared at her for a moment, wondering whether she was joking. She wasn’t. Apparently, after all my careful menu research, I had somehow managed to overlook the most important detail.
In a fancy Paris restaurant, there is a magical wish-granting mirror.
But it only grants wishes if you tell the truth. If you lie, you disappear. One day, a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead enter the restaurant and decide to try out the mirror. The brunette goes first, standing confidently in front of the mysterious mirror.
“I think I’m the smartest woman on earth.”
“POOF!” She disappears.
The redhead goes up to try. She watches the mirror for a moment, then smiles confidently and says, “I think I’m the prettiest woman on earth.”
“POOF!” She disappears.
The blonde slowly walks up to the mirror. Now everyone is watching, wondering whether she will tell the truth or suffer the same fate as the other two. She takes a deep breath and begins, “I think…”
“POOF!”
A retired couple had dinner at their friends’ house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went to the kitchen. The two men were talking comfortably, enjoying the quiet moment, when one of them leaned back and said, “We’ve been going to a new restaurant and it’s really great.
“I’d recommend it very highly.”
The other man immediately became interested and asked, “What’s the name of the place?”
The first man thought awhile. He frowned, stared at the ceiling, and tried desperately to remember. Finally, he gave up and asked, “What are those flowers you send a woman you love? The ones with red petals and thorns?”
“You must mean roses,” he replied.
“That’s it,” said the man, suddenly relieved.
He turned toward the kitchen and yelled to his wife, “Rose, what’s the name of the restaurant we like?”
A very attractive young lady was sitting in a fine restaurant one night. She was still feeling bloated from lunch, so she was already nervous about the possibility of farting in front of her date, who hadn’t arrived yet. She kept telling herself to relax and act natural. Unfortunately, it wasn’t long before she actually did let one out, but she managed to cover up the sound with a perfectly timed fake cough.
She continued waiting for her date to arrive, trying to make sure everything was perfect. She checked her hair, straightened her dress, and glanced around to see whether anyone had noticed anything unusual. As she bends down in her chair to get the mirror from her purse, she accidentally farts quite loudly—far louder than the first one—just as the waiter walks up.
She immediately sits up straight, embarrassed and red-faced, knowing that everyone in the place must have heard it. For a second, there is an awkward silence. Then she turns to the waiter and demands, “Stop that!”
The waiter looks at her dryly, without the slightest hint of surprise, and says,
“Certainly, madam.
Which way was it headed?”
