Paddy O\u2019Reilly was sitting on a transatlantic flight, settling in like a man who had absolutely no idea what was about to happen\u2014but was ready for it anyway.<\/p>\n
As soon as the seatbelt sign went off, Paddy waved eagerly at the flight attendant.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019ll have a whiskey,\u201d he said, confident and proud, like a man ordering a pint at his local.<\/p>\n
The attendant smiled and turned to the man seated beside Paddy.
\u201cAnd would you like a drink as well, sir?\u201d<\/p>\n
The man sniffed dramatically and said, loud enough for half the cabin to hear,
\u201cI\u2019d rather be mauled by wild animals than let alcohol touch my lips.\u201d<\/p>\n
Paddy froze.<\/p>\n
He slowly handed his whiskey back to the flight attendant and said, completely serious:<\/p>\n
\u201cAh sure, so would I then. I didn\u2019t know we were allowed to choose.\u201d<\/p>\n
Earlier that morning, Paddy\u2019s journey had already been off to a strong start.<\/p>\n
At Dublin Airport, a flight attendant asked politely,
\u201cSir, may I see your boarding pass?\u201d<\/p>\n
Paddy patted his pockets. Once. Twice. Panic.<\/p>\n
Out came a sandwich.
A pair of sunglasses.
And\u2014somehow\u2014a rubber chicken.<\/p>\n
\u201cNo boarding pass,\u201d he muttered. \u201cThis is going poorly.\u201d<\/p>\n
Then his face lit up.
\u201cAh! Here it is!\u201d<\/p>\n
He proudly handed her\u2026 a lunch receipt for a chicken wrap.<\/p>\n
The attendant blinked. Slowly.
\u201cSir\u2026 this is your lunch.\u201d<\/p>\n
Paddy nodded. \u201cRight. That explains the chicken.\u201d<\/p>\n
She gently handed him his actual boarding pass, and as he walked away, he turned back.<\/p>\n
\u201cQuick question\u2014do the peanuts come before or after the plane goes up?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAfter,\u201d she replied.<\/p>\n
\u201cGood,\u201d Paddy said. \u201cI don\u2019t like surprises.\u201d<\/p>\n
On the plane, Paddy studied his seat number like it was advanced mathematics.<\/p>\n
\u201cIs this 14B, 14C, or one of them trick seats that moves when you sit down?\u201d<\/p>\n
With saintly patience, the attendant guided him to his seat.<\/p>\n
Then came the seatbelt.<\/p>\n
Paddy wrestled with it for ten minutes before whispering to the woman beside him,
\u201cI think it\u2019s broken.\u201d<\/p>\n
She sighed. \u201cJust click it.\u201d<\/p>\n
He clicked it.<\/p>\n
Paddy\u2019s eyes widened.
\u201cWell would you look at that.\u201d<\/p>\n
When the captain announced they were cruising at 35,000 feet, Paddy leaned over and whispered,
\u201cSo\u2026 are we closer to the moon now?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo,\u201d the woman said. \u201cStill Earth.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAh,\u201d Paddy nodded. \u201cNext time then.\u201d<\/p>\n
When the peanuts finally arrived, Paddy grabbed them like they might disappear.<\/p>\n
The flight attendant returned.
\u201cWould you like a drink with those, sir?\u201d<\/p>\n
Paddy wiped crumbs from his mouth and grinned.<\/p>\n
\u201cNo thanks,\u201d he said.
\u201cI\u2019m already drunk on peanuts.\u201d<\/p>\n
And with that, Paddy leaned back, satisfied\u2014proof that you don\u2019t need in-flight entertainment when confusion does the job just fine.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Paddy O\u2019Reilly was sitting on a transatlantic flight, settling in like a man who had absolutely no idea what was about to happen\u2014but was ready for it anyway. As soon as the seatbelt sign went off, Paddy waved eagerly at the flight attendant. \u201cI\u2019ll have a whiskey,\u201d he said, confident and proud, like a man […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":16857,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-8424","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-tales"],"yoast_head":"\n