My best friend, Mia, meant well when she offered to set me up on a date, but her skills as a matchmaker were completely untested.<\/p>\n
“He’s super nice, Kelly! Total gentleman. You’ll love him,” Mia insisted over the phone while I rummaged through my closet.<\/p>\n
“You’ve never set me up before,” I reminded her. “What makes you think you know my type?”<\/p>\n
“Because I know you better than anyone,” she replied confidently. “Plus, Chris vouches for him too. They’ve been friends for ages.”<\/p>\n
That gave me pause. Chris, Mia’s boyfriend, was a pretty good judge of character. If he thought this Eric guy was decent, maybe there was hope.<\/p>\n
“Fine,” I sighed. “Show me a picture at least.”<\/p>\n
A moment later, my phone pinged with an incoming message.<\/p>\n
The guy in the photo wasn’t bad looking: clean-cut, well-dressed, with a warm smile that reached his eyes.<\/p>\n
“Okay, he’s cute,” I admitted.<\/p>\n
“Told you!” Mia squealed. “Text him and set it up. You won’t regret it, I promise.”<\/p>\n
After a few casual texts, I agreed to meet Eric for dinner at a new Italian place with a great view of the river. Nothing too fancy, but nice enough for a first date.<\/p>\n
I arrived five minutes early and waited near the entrance, like we’d agreed. I was nervously checking my appearance with my phone camera when I spotted him approaching the restaurant.<\/p>\n
My pulse quickened a little. The photo hadn’t lied \u2014 he was attractive in that clean-cut, business-casual way, and he carried himself with confidence.<\/p>\n
What I hadn’t expected was the bouquet of roses in his hand.<\/p>\n
Not cheap grocery store flowers, but an actual professional arrangement tied with a ribbon.<\/p>\n
“You must be Kelly,” he said, flashing that same warm smile from his photo. “These are for you.”<\/p>\n
“Wow, thank you,” I replied, genuinely surprised as I accepted them. “You didn’t have to do that.”<\/p>\n
“Figured I’d start the night off right,” he said, handing me the flowers.<\/p>\n
But that wasn’t all.<\/p>\n
He reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a small gift box tied with a cyan bow.<\/p>\n
“What’s this?” I asked, my eyebrows shooting up in surprise.<\/p>\n
“Just a little something. Open it,” he encouraged.<\/p>\n
Inside was a sleek silver keychain with the letter “K” engraved on it. It was tasteful and personalized, something that required thought.<\/p>\n
“Something just for you,” he said smoothly. “I asked Mia what you might like.”<\/p>\n
I was honestly impressed. Flowers and a thoughtful gift on a first date? This man was clearly making a statement. Either he was seriously interested, or he was the king of first impressions.<\/p>\n
“This is really nice of you,” I said, genuinely touched. “Thank you.”<\/p>\n
Eric continued his gentlemanly routine without missing a beat. He opened the door, pulled out my chair, and maintained steady eye contact throughout our conversation.<\/p>\n
He asked thoughtful questions about my job as a graphic designer, remembered details about my family that I’d only mentioned in passing during our texts, and made me feel like the most interesting person in the room.<\/p>\n
“So what made you agree to this setup?” he asked after we’d ordered our meals.<\/p>\n
“Mia can be very persuasive,” I laughed. “Plus, she and Chris both vouched for you, which rarely happens.”<\/p>\n
“They’re a great couple,” he nodded. “Chris and I go way back to college. He’s always been a stand-up guy.”<\/p>\n
The conversation flowed naturally from there.<\/p>\n
We discovered shared interests in true crime podcasts and documentaries about strange subcultures.<\/p>\n
He told amusing stories about his job as a marketing manager, and I caught myself thinking this might be the best first date I’d ever had.<\/p>\n
When the check came, I reached for my purse.<\/p>\n
“Absolutely not,” Eric said firmly, putting his card down on the check presenter before I could even open my purse. “A man pays on the first date.”<\/p>\n
His tone surprised me a little. It wasn’t just polite, but final, almost like he was reciting an unbreakable rule.<\/p>\n
I paused for half a second, then shrugged. “Okay, if you insist. Thank you.”<\/p>\n
I wasn’t about to argue over a free meal, especially after such a pleasant evening. We walked out together, and he asked if he could call me again soon.<\/p>\n
“I’d like that,” I replied, and meant it.<\/p>\n
He hugged me goodbye (a perfect balance of friendly and interested without being creepy). I drove home with a smile on my face thinking that was one of the most amazing first dates I’d ever been on.<\/p>\n
The next morning, I woke up to a notification from Eric. My sleepy brain expected a cute “had a great time” text, but instead, I saw an attachment.<\/p>\n
I made coffee and then returned to bed. Curious, I opened it, expecting maybe a photo from the restaurant or something similarly innocuous.<\/p>\n
It was an invoice. A professionally formatted, detailed invoice.<\/p>\n
At the top, in bold professional font:<\/p>\n
Date Night Invoice \u2013 Amount Due: 1 Outstanding Balance.<\/p>\n
Underneath that was a full breakdown of services rendered with attached charges.<\/p>\n
At first, I thought it was a joke; some weird attempt at humor that wasn’t quite landing. But as I read through it, my morning coffee nearly came back up.<\/p>\n
The so-called services he’d listed were utterly ridiculous and made me see his gentlemanly charm in a whole new light.<\/p>\n
Bouquet of Roses: 1 hug<\/p>\n
Custom Keychain Gift: 1 coffee date (scheduled within one week)<\/p>\n
Opening Car Door: A cute selfie together<\/p>\n
Pulling Out Chair: Holding hands on the next date<\/p>\n
Engaging Conversation & Active Listening: A compliment about my looks<\/p>\n
Full Dinner + Tip Covered: A second date, no excuses<\/p>\n
But the real kicker, the bit that made me realize he’d sent this invoice in earnest, appeared at the bottom in bold text.<\/p>\n
Payment is expected in full. No refunds. Failure to comply may result in an outstanding balance being sent to collections (Chris will hear about it).<\/p>\n
Looking forward to your prompt payment!<\/p>\n
My jaw hit the floor.<\/p>\n
It would’ve been bad enough if he’d expected monetary compensation, but charging me with required affection and attention? Who does that?<\/p>\n
I screenshot the invoice immediately and sent it to Mia. Her response was instant.<\/p>\n
“OH. MY. GOD. I’M SHOWING THIS TO CHRIS RIGHT NOW.”<\/p>\n
“Is this real life???” I typed back, still in disbelief. “He’s serious about this!”<\/p>\n
“Wait till Chris sees this. He’s going to LOSE IT,” she replied.<\/p>\n
Five minutes later, my phone rang.<\/p>\n
It was Chris, and he was howling with laughter.<\/p>\n
“Kelly, I can’t believe this,” he managed between gasps. “I’ve known this dude for years and never, not once, did I think he’d pull something this insane.”<\/p>\n
“So, this isn’t a joke?” I asked.<\/p>\n
“No way,” Chris confirmed. “Eric’s always been a bit… intense about dating, but this is next level. Okay, we need to get back at this dude.”<\/p>\n
Chris was the mastermind of next-level pettiness.<\/p>\n
Instead of just roasting Eric in their group chat, he planned to take it up a notch.<\/p>\n
“I’m making an identical invoice,” he declared. “Same formatting, fake legal tone, ridiculous charges, the works.”<\/p>\n
An hour later, Chris sent me his creation.<\/p>\n
In it, he’d listed a series of charges for putting me through this nonsense that left me in stitches.<\/p>\n
Service Invoice \u2013 Amount Due: A Lifetime of Silence<\/p>\n
Introducing You to a Gorgeous Woman: 1 permanent block on all platforms<\/p>\n
Convincing Her You Were a Gentleman: A deep, personal reflection on why you’re single<\/p>\n
Letting You Sit at the Same Table as Her: A formal apology to all women you’ve dated before<\/p>\n
Not Exposing You to the Entire Internet: A generous gift you should be grateful for<\/p>\n
Payment is due IMMEDIATELY. Failure to comply may result in public humiliation. Cheers!<\/p>\n
“This is perfect,” I texted him. “Send it!”<\/p>\n
“Forwarded!” He replied a moment later.<\/p>\n
Not long afterward, my phone lit up with a series of increasingly angry messages from Eric.<\/p>\n
“Wow, really mature.”<\/p>\n
“I was just trying to set realistic expectations; not everyone is rich.”<\/p>\n
“Chris is a terrible friend.”<\/p>\n
“You just missed out on a GREAT guy.”<\/p>\n
I didn’t bother engaging. What was there to say to someone who thought human connection worked on a transaction basis? I just sent him a thumbs-up emoji and blocked his number.<\/p>\n
Mia called me later that night, still laughing about the whole situation.<\/p>\n
“I’m so sorry,” she said. “I really thought he was normal. Chris had no idea he was like this either.”<\/p>\n
“Don’t worry about it,” I replied, surprising myself with how unbothered I felt. “We all got a great story out of it, at least.”<\/p>\n
“True,” she agreed. “This is officially going to be told at every party for the next decade.”
\nlisher.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
My best friend, Mia, meant well when she offered to set me up on a date, but her skills as a matchmaker were completely untested. “He’s super nice, Kelly! Total gentleman. You’ll love him,” Mia insisted over the phone while I rummaged through my closet. “You’ve never set me up before,” I reminded her. “What […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":8105,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-8104","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-tales"],"yoast_head":"\n