Three police officers were standing in line at the Pearly Gates.<\/p>\n
Saint Peter looked at the first officer and asked, \u201cWhat did you do with your life?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI was a police officer,\u201d he replied.<\/p>\n
Saint Peter nodded. \u201cAnd what kind of police officer were you?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI was a vice officer. I kept drugs off the streets and out of the hands of kids.\u201d<\/p>\n
Saint Peter smiled warmly. \u201cWelcome to Heaven. You may enter through the gates.\u201d<\/p>\n
He turned to the second man and asked, \u201cAnd what did you do as a police officer?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI was a traffic officer,\u201d the man answered proudly. \u201cI kept the roads and highways safe. I stopped dangerous drivers and tried to prevent accidents.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cExcellent,\u201d Saint Peter said. \u201cWelcome to Heaven. You may enter through the gates.\u201d<\/p>\n
Finally, Saint Peter looked at the third officer.<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd what did you do as a police officer?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI was a military policeman, sir,\u201d the man replied.<\/p>\n
Saint Peter’s expression suddenly changed. His eyes lit up, and he practically jumped to his feet.<\/p>\n
\u201cWonderful!\u201d he exclaimed. \u201cI\u2019ve been waiting for you all day!\u201d<\/p>\n
The military policeman looked puzzled.<\/p>\n
\u201cWaiting for me? Why?\u201d<\/p>\n
Saint Peter leaned closer and lowered his voice.<\/p>\n
\u201cI need to take a break! Watch the gate, will you?\u201d<\/p>\n
========================================<\/p>\n
A young woman walks into a prestigious car showroom and begins looking around at all the magnificent vehicles on display.<\/p>\n
There are Porsches, Lamborghinis, Jaguars, and every other luxury car imaginable. The salesman follows her politely, expecting her to ask about financing, monthly payments, or perhaps a test drive.<\/p>\n
Instead, she points casually toward a gleaming red Porsche.<\/p>\n
\u201cCan I have the red one?\u201d<\/p>\n
The salesman blinks. \u201cExcuse me?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThe red one,\u201d she repeats, pointing at the top-of-the-range Porsche. \u201cI\u2019ll pay cash.\u201d<\/p>\n
Before he can even explain the price, she opens a large carrier bag and starts pulling out handful after handful of cash.<\/p>\n
The salesman stares in disbelief as she counts the money right there on the showroom floor. When she finally reaches the exact purchase price, the entire staff is speechless.<\/p>\n
The deal is finalized remarkably quickly.<\/p>\n
The woman takes the keys, climbs into the Porsche, and drives away.<\/p>\n
Two days later, however, she is back.<\/p>\n
She marches into the showroom, puts the keys on the manager\u2019s desk, and announces, \u201cI want my money back.\u201d<\/p>\n
The manager’s heart sinks.<\/p>\n
\u201cIs there a problem with the car, madam?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes!\u201d she says emphatically. \u201cIt smells awfully bad whenever I use the brakes.\u201d<\/p>\n
The manager immediately becomes nervous. He certainly does not want to lose such a valuable sale, especially after taking cash and making a few questionable adjustments to the books.<\/p>\n
He decides the best thing to do is ride in the car with her himself.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019ll come along,\u201d he says. \u201cPerhaps there\u2019s something about the way you’re driving it that is causing the problem.\u201d<\/p>\n
The woman agrees.<\/p>\n
He gets into the passenger seat, buckles himself in, and prepares for a short test drive.<\/p>\n
He has no idea what he is about to experience.<\/p>\n
She roars out of the dealership, drops the car into second gear at 55 mph, floors the accelerator, and shifts into third at 80 mph.<\/p>\n
The manager grips the seat.<\/p>\n
Then she takes a sharp turn into a country lane, performs a handbrake turn, and starts accelerating again.<\/p>\n
120 mph in fourth gear.<\/p>\n
Then fifth.<\/p>\n
145 mph.<\/p>\n
The engine screams as the speedometer climbs higher and higher.<\/p>\n
The manager’s face has gone completely white.<\/p>\n
The car reaches 170 mph.<\/p>\n
The scenery outside has become nothing more than a green blur, while the G-force pins him firmly against his seat. He is desperately searching for something to say when, in the distance, he notices something that finally gives him hope.<\/p>\n
A railway crossing.<\/p>\n
The barriers are beginning to come down.<\/p>\n
\u201cThank goodness,\u201d he thinks. \u201cShe\u2019ll have to slow down now!\u201d<\/p>\n
But instead, the pitch of the engine rises.<\/p>\n
His eyes widen.<\/p>\n
She isn’t slowing down.<\/p>\n
The crossing is getting closer.<\/p>\n
100 yards.<\/p>\n
50 yards.<\/p>\n
20 yards.<\/p>\n
The manager braces himself for disaster.<\/p>\n
At the very last moment, she slams on the brakes.<\/p>\n
The Porsche stops only inches from the barrier.<\/p>\n
For several seconds, neither of them says a word.<\/p>\n
The manager is trembling, struggling to breathe, and wondering whether he has just witnessed the end of his life.<\/p>\n
Then the woman casually turns toward him.<\/p>\n
\u201cCan you smell it?\u201d she asks.<\/p>\n
The manager stares at her in horror.<\/p>\n
\u201cSMELL IT?\u201d<\/p>\n
He looks down at himself, then back at her.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019M SITTING IN IT!\u201d<\/p>\n
========================================<\/p>\n
A middle-aged woman suffers a massive heart attack and is rushed to the hospital.<\/p>\n
While she is lying on the operating table, something extraordinary happens.<\/p>\n
She has a near-death experience.<\/p>\n
Suddenly, she finds herself standing before God.<\/p>\n
She looks around, confused, and finally asks, \u201cIs this it? Am I dead?\u201d<\/p>\n
God looks at her and says, \u201cNo. It\u2019s not your time yet.\u201d<\/p>\n
The woman is stunned.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou still have another 30 or 40 years to live,\u201d God tells her.<\/p>\n
She wakes up in the hospital and can’t stop thinking about what she has just experienced.<\/p>\n
Thirty or forty more years!<\/p>\n
She decides that if she has been given another chance at life, she is going to make the most of every single year.<\/p>\n
And she starts immediately.<\/p>\n
She stays in the hospital and gets a facelift.<\/p>\n
Then liposuction.<\/p>\n
Then breast augmentation.<\/p>\n
Then a tummy tuck.<\/p>\n
She changes her hair color, gets a completely new hairstyle, and spends a fortune transforming herself.<\/p>\n
She figures that if she really has another 30 or 40 years ahead of her, she might as well look as young and glamorous as possible.<\/p>\n
Finally, after all the procedures are completed, she walks out of the hospital feeling like an entirely new woman.<\/p>\n
She steps confidently onto the street, admiring her reflection in a nearby window.<\/p>\n
She has barely taken a few steps when suddenly\u2014<\/p>\n
CRASH!<\/p>\n
An ambulance speeding toward the hospital swerves onto the road and hits her.<\/p>\n
Everything goes dark.<\/p>\n
A moment later, she finds herself standing before God again.<\/p>\n
She looks at Him in complete disbelief.<\/p>\n
\u201cWait a minute!\u201d she says. \u201cI thought you told me I had another 30 or 40 years to live!\u201d<\/p>\n
God looks at her carefully.<\/p>\n
He pauses.<\/p>\n
Then He shrugs.<\/p>\n
\u201cOh,\u201d He says.<\/p>\n
\u201cI didn\u2019t recognize you.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Three police officers were standing in line at the Pearly Gates. Saint Peter looked at the first officer and asked, \u201cWhat did you do with your life?\u201d \u201cI was a police officer,\u201d he replied. Saint Peter nodded. \u201cAnd what kind of police officer were you?\u201d \u201cI was a vice officer. I kept drugs off the […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":6,"featured_media":35935,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-35924","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-tales"],"yoast_head":"\n