\nWho brings their parents to a first date? My boyfriend from a dating app did. But what really got me was the list of OUTRAGEOUS DEMANDS his parents brought with them. I knew I\u2019d have to outwit them\u2026 but on my own terms.<\/p>\n
When I virtually met Jacob on a dating site several months ago, we hit it off instantly. The connection felt real \u2014 the kind that makes your heart skip a beat when you see a new message notification. I grew to think that he was \u201cthe one,\u201d but then when we actually met\u2026 well, let\u2019s just say reality has a way of shattering our perfectly crafted illusions.<\/p>\n
Three months of late-night texts and hour-long video calls had built up to this moment. Jacob wasn\u2019t just another match; he was different.<\/p>\n
While most guys led with cheesy pickup lines or bland \u201chey\u201d messages, he had caught my attention with a detailed comment about my profile photo taken at Comic-Con.<\/p>\n
\u201cIs that a handmade Scarlet Witch costume?\u201d he\u2019d written. \u201cThe detail work is incredible!\u201d<\/p>\n
From there, our conversations flowed naturally. He listened, really listened, when I talked about my work as a graphic designer and my dreams of starting my own studio.<\/p>\n
He shared my love for true crime podcasts and could quote every episode of my favorite shows by heart. When I mentioned my sister\u2019s battle with depression, he opened up about his own experiences with anxiety.<\/p>\n
\u201cI feel like I can tell you anything,\u201d he\u2019d said during one of our video calls, his warm brown eyes crinkling at the corners. \u201cI\u2019ve never connected with someone like this before.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cMe neither,\u201d I\u2019d admitted, feeling my cheeks flush. \u201cSometimes I worry this is too good to be true.\u201d<\/p>\n
He\u2019d laughed then, running a hand through his dark hair. \u201cI can\u2019t wait to finally meet you in person. Friday at Coffee Beanz? 7 p.m.?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIt\u2019s a date! Finally!\u201d I\u2019d chirped, unable to contain my excitement.<\/p>\n
\u201cSee you on Friday!\u201d He said as I hung up, blushing.<\/p>\n
I spent the entire week planning my outfit, finally settling on a gorgeous dress that my best friend Sarah insisted brought out my eyes.<\/p>\n
\u201cHe won\u2019t know what hit him,\u201d she\u2019d said, helping me style my hair.<\/p>\n
Friday evening found me standing outside Coffee Beanz, smoothing down my dress for the hundredth time. Through the window, I could see couples enjoying their meals, soft candlelight flickering across their faces.<\/p>\n
My hands were shaking slightly as I pushed open the heavy wooden door, the warm aroma of garlic and fresh bread enveloping me. My eyes nervously darted around in search of Jacob.<\/p>\n
\u201cLia! Over here!\u201d<\/p>\n
I turned toward Jacob\u2019s familiar voice, my practiced smile freezing on my face. There he sat, but not ALONE.<\/p>\n
An older couple sat beside him, their faces beaming with smiles. My heart, which had been filled with excitement all day, sank to my stomach.<\/p>\n
\u201cHey\u2026 um, hi, what\u2019s going on?\u201d I managed, my brain struggling to process the scene before me.<\/p>\n
Jacob stood up, his bright smile unchanged as if this was completely normal. \u201cLia, I\u2019m so excited to finally meet you! These are my parents, Linda and Patrick!\u201d<\/p>\n
Linda, a petite woman with perfectly coiffed gray hair and gold earrings that probably cost more than my monthly rent, gave me a practiced smile that didn\u2019t reach her eyes. Patrick, sporting a dress shirt that seemed a size too small for his frame, barely looked up from his menu.<\/p>\n
\u201cSit down, girl,\u201d Linda patted the chair next to her, not next to Jacob. \u201cWhile we wait for our appetizers, I have a few questions for you.\u201d<\/p>\n
I sank into the chair, still trying to make sense of this ambush. The waiter appeared with water glasses, and I found myself wishing it was something stronger.<\/p>\n
That\u2019s when Linda pulled out a crisp sheet of paper from her designer handbag.<\/p>\n
\u201cNow then,\u201d she cleared her throat, clicking her gold-plated pen. \u201cI\u2019ve prepared a brief questionnaire to help us get to know you better. I want you to fill it out.\u201d<\/p>\n
My eyes scanned the paper she placed before me, each question worse than the last:<\/p>\n
1. What is your current annual income and five-year career projection?<\/p>\n
2. Please list any medical conditions, including a family history of genetic disorders.<\/p>\n
3. How many romantic partners have you had, and what were the reasons for those relationships ending?<\/p>\n
4. Do you own or lease your vehicle? What is your credit score?<\/p>\n
5. Are you willing to sign a prenuptial agreement?<\/p>\n
6. Do you plan to work after having children? If so, who will provide childcare?<\/p>\n
7. What is your stance on living with in-laws?<\/p>\n
8. Are you willing to host special occasions like Thanksgiving & Christmas every year without expecting a penny from your partner?<\/p>\n
The questions went on and on like a never-ending train carriage. My water glass stopped halfway to my mouth. \u201cI\u2019m sorry, but is this for real?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOf course it is, dear,\u201d Linda replied, her tone suggesting I was being deliberately difficult. \u201cOur family has certain standards to maintain. We need to ensure any potential partners for our Jacob are\u2026 suitable.\u201d<\/p>\n
My eyes darted to Jacob, waiting for him to jump in, to say this was all a joke. But he just sat there, examining his napkin as if it held the secrets of the universe.<\/p>\n
Something snapped inside me. Three months of building this connection, sharing hopes and fears, only to be treated like a job applicant? No. This called for a different approach.<\/p>\n
\u201cWould you excuse me for just a moment?\u201d I smiled sweetly. \u201cLadies\u2019 room.\u201d<\/p>\n
Instead of heading to the restroom, I ducked into the convenience store next door. Five minutes later, I returned with my own notebook and pen.<\/p>\n
\u201cBefore I answer your questions,\u201d I said, sitting down with renewed confidence, \u201cI have a few of my own.\u201d<\/p>\n
Linda\u2019s perfectly plucked eyebrows shot up in surprise as I placed the paper with my questions on the table. She picked it up and began reading loudly, her face speaking volumes of her anger.<\/p>\n
\u201cQuestion one: At what point did you realize your son wasn\u2019t capable of choosing his own partner?\u201d<\/p>\n
Patricks\u2019s face reddened. Jacob finally looked up from his napkin.<\/p>\n
\u201cQuestion two: How many women have actually completed your interrogation process? Or do most run screaming before the credit check?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThis is completely inappropriate!\u201d Linda\u2019s voice pitched higher as she continued to read.<\/p>\n
\u201cQuestion three: Do you also inspect their teeth like show horses, or is that saved for the second date?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cQuestion four: When Jacob moves out of your basement, will you be requiring his future wife to submit weekly progress reports?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cQuestion five: Have you considered therapy for your control issues, or is that too personal a question?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat\u2019s enough!\u201d Jacob slammed his hand on the table, making the silverware jump. \u201cYou have no right to disrespect my family like this!\u201d<\/p>\n
I leaned back, crossing my arms. \u201cOh, but they have every right to treat me like I\u2019m applying for a position at the FBI?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cMy parents are just looking out for me,\u201d he protested, his voice weak. \u201cThey want what\u2019s best\u2014 \u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo, Jacob. What\u2019s best for you would be growing a backbone and living your own life.\u201d<\/p>\n
Linda and Patrick were already gathering their things, faces flushed with indignation. Linda\u2019s hands shook as she stuffed her questionnaire back into her bag.<\/p>\n
\u201cWe\u2019re leaving,\u201d she announced. \u201cJacob, come on. She\u2019s not the one for you.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWait!\u201d I called out, loud enough for nearby tables to turn. \u201cAren\u2019t you forgetting something?\u201d<\/p>\n
They paused. \u201cWHAT??\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWaiter, these people are trying to leave without paying their bill!\u201d I announced loudly, waving to the waiter. \u201cGuess running out on checks is another proud family tradition!\u201d<\/p>\n
The restaurant had gone quiet. Linda\u2019s hands shook as she pulled out her credit card, practically throwing it at the waiter. I stood up, smoothing my dress once again.<\/p>\n
\u201cWell, this has been entertaining. I\u2019ll cover my water.\u201d I placed a five-dollar bill on the table and turned to Jacob.<\/p>\n
\u201cGood luck finding someone who meets your family\u2019s rigorous standards. Although, you might want to try job recruitment sites instead of dating apps. I hear they provide detailed background checks and references.\u201d<\/p>\n
As I walked out into the cool evening air, my phone buzzed with a message from Jacob, \u201cYou didn\u2019t have to be so cruel. My parents were just looking out for me.\u201d<\/p>\n
I typed back, \u201cJust looking out for myself, mama\u2019s boy. Goodbye!\u201d<\/p>\n
Later that night, Sarah called to hear about the date. After I finished telling her everything, she was quiet for a moment.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou know what?\u201d she finally said. \u201cI bet Linda has a spreadsheet ranking all of Jacob\u2019s potential wives.\u201d<\/p>\n
We both burst out laughing, and I felt the last of my disappointment melt away. Dodged a bullet? Absolutely. And I\u2019ve never been so grateful for a red flag wrapped in a questionnaire.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Who brings their parents to a first date? My boyfriend from a dating app did. But what really got me was the list of OUTRAGEOUS DEMANDS his parents brought with them. I knew I\u2019d have to outwit them\u2026 but on my own terms. When I virtually met Jacob on a dating site several months ago, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":3589,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3588","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-tales"],"yoast_head":"\n