Drunk guy gets pulled over. Officer starts doing sobriety tests on him. The final test the officer says, \u201cIf you can pass this last test, I\u2019ll let you go\u2026 use the words green, pink, and yellow in one sentence.\u201d<\/p>\n
The drunk man squints, scratches his head, and thinks for a moment. The officer waits, convinced there\u2019s no way this guy can pull it off.<\/p>\n
Then the man grins and says, \u201cMy phone went green, so I pinked it up and said yellow!\u201d<\/p>\n
The officer stares at him for a second, trying to decide whether he should laugh or write another ticket.<\/p>\n
\u201cHave a nice day, Officer!\u201d<\/p>\n
A police officer pulls over a man who had been weaving all over the road, drifting from lane to lane and nearly clipping a mailbox.<\/p>\n
The officer walks up to the driver’s window and says, \u201cSir, I need you to blow into this breathalyzer tube.\u201d<\/p>\n
The man shakes his head. \u201cSorry, Officer, I can\u2019t do that. I\u2019m asthmatic. If I blow into that thing, I could trigger a terrible asthma attack.\u201d<\/p>\n
The officer sighs. \u201cAlright then. I need you to come down to the station and give a blood sample.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI can\u2019t do that either,\u201d the man replies.<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd why not?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m a hemophiliac. If you take blood, I could bleed to death.\u201d<\/p>\n
Trying to remain patient, the officer says, \u201cFine. Then we\u2019ll need a urine sample.\u201d<\/p>\n
The man quickly shakes his head again.<\/p>\n
\u201cCan\u2019t do that either. I\u2019m diabetic. It could cause my blood sugar to crash.\u201d<\/p>\n
The officer rubs his temples.<\/p>\n
\u201cOkay. Then step out of the car and walk this white line for me.\u201d<\/p>\n
The man immediately responds, \u201cI can\u2019t do that, Officer.\u201d<\/p>\n
The officer narrows his eyes.<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd why not?\u201d<\/p>\n
The man shrugs.<\/p>\n
\u201cBecause I\u2019m too drunk.\u201d<\/p>\n
A police officer responded to a report of a disturbance at a busy downtown restaurant.<\/p>\n
When he arrived, he found a giant of a man standing in the middle of the crowd. The fellow was well over six feet tall, weighed nearly 300 pounds, and was loudly bragging that he could defeat anyone in the building.<\/p>\n
\u201cI could whip you,\u201d he told the officer.<\/p>\n
Then he pointed to a sports poster on the wall.<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd I could probably beat the Heavyweight Boxing Champion of the World too!\u201d<\/p>\n
The officer listened calmly.<\/p>\n
\u201cI bet you\u2019re an escape artist as well,\u201d he said. \u201cProbably better than Houdini.\u201d<\/p>\n
The giant puffed out his chest.<\/p>\n
\u201cAbsolutely.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWell,\u201d said the officer, \u201cif I had some chains, you could show everyone how strong you are. Unfortunately, all I\u2019ve got is a pair of handcuffs.\u201d<\/p>\n
The giant laughed.<\/p>\n
\u201cThat\u2019s enough.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cGreat,\u201d said the officer. \u201cLet\u2019s see how fast you can break out.\u201d<\/p>\n
The crowd gathered around.<\/p>\n
The cuffs clicked shut.<\/p>\n
The giant strained.<\/p>\n
He twisted.<\/p>\n
He pulled.<\/p>\n
He jerked.<\/p>\n
For four long minutes he fought with everything he had.<\/p>\n
Finally, breathing heavily, he growled, \u201cI can\u2019t get out.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAre you sure?\u201d asked the officer.<\/p>\n
The giant tried one more time.<\/p>\n
\u201cNope,\u201d he admitted.<\/p>\n
\u201cI can\u2019t do it.\u201d<\/p>\n
The officer smiled.<\/p>\n
\u201cIn that case,\u201d he said, \u201cyou\u2019re under arrest.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014-<\/p>\n
**A Police Car Pulled Up in Front of Grandma Bessie\u2019s House**<\/p>\n
A police car pulled up in front of Grandma Bessie\u2019s house, and out stepped Grandpa Morris.<\/p>\n
The officer politely explained, \u201cMa\u2019am, your husband said he got lost in the park and couldn\u2019t find his way home.\u201d<\/p>\n
Grandma Bessie stared at Morris.<\/p>\n
\u201cLost? You\u2019ve been going to that park for over 30 years! How on earth did you get lost today?\u201d<\/p>\n
Morris glanced at the officer, then leaned closer to his wife and whispered so quietly only she could hear:<\/p>\n
\u201cI wasn\u2019t lost.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou weren\u2019t?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNope.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThen what happened?\u201d<\/p>\n
Morris grinned.<\/p>\n
\u201cI was just too tired to walk home.\u201d<\/p>\n
A policeman pulls over an old man driving a pickup truck with the bed overflowing with ducks.<\/p>\n
The officer says sternly, \u201cSir, you can\u2019t have a flock of ducks wandering around downtown. Take them to the zoo immediately!\u201d<\/p>\n
The old man nods politely.<\/p>\n
\u201cYes, Officer.\u201d<\/p>\n
The next day the officer spots the same truck.<\/p>\n
Same ducks.<\/p>\n
Same driver.<\/p>\n
But this time every duck is wearing sunglasses.<\/p>\n
The officer slams on the brakes, pulls him over again, and marches up to the window.<\/p>\n
\u201cI thought I told you to take those ducks to the zoo!\u201d<\/p>\n
The old man smiles.<\/p>\n
\u201cI did.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou did?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYep.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThen why are they still here?\u201d<\/p>\n
The old man points proudly at the ducks.<\/p>\n
\u201cBecause today they wanted to go to the beach!\u201d<\/p>\n
\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2013<\/p>\n
**A Cowboy, Fresh from Texas, Strolls into a Bar in Montana and Orders Three Mugs of Beer**<\/p>\n
A cowboy, fresh from Texas, strolls into a bar in Montana and orders three mugs of Bud.<\/p>\n
He carries them to a corner table and takes a sip from each one in turn.<\/p>\n
When all three are empty, he returns and orders three more.<\/p>\n
This continues week after week.<\/p>\n
Finally, curiosity gets the better of the bartender.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou know,\u201d he says, \u201cbeer tastes better fresh. Why not just order one at a time?\u201d<\/p>\n
The cowboy smiles.<\/p>\n
\u201cWell, I\u2019ve got two brothers. One lives in Arizona and the other lives in Colorado.<\/p>\n
When we all moved away from Texas, we made a promise.<\/p>\n
Whenever one of us had a drink, we\u2019d have one for each brother too.<\/p>\n
So these three beers represent all of us together.\u201d<\/p>\n
The bartender thinks that\u2019s one of the nicest traditions he\u2019s ever heard.<\/p>\n
The cowboy becomes a regular.<\/p>\n
Then one day he walks in and orders only two beers.<\/p>\n
The bar falls silent.<\/p>\n
Everyone notices.<\/p>\n
The bartender\u2019s heart sinks.<\/p>\n
When the cowboy comes back for another round, the bartender gently says, \u201cI\u2019m sorry for your loss.\u201d<\/p>\n
The cowboy looks puzzled.<\/p>\n
\u201cMy loss?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOne of your brothers\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
The cowboy suddenly bursts out laughing.<\/p>\n
\u201cOh no! They\u2019re both fine.\u201d<\/p>\n
The bartender blinks.<\/p>\n
\u201cThen why only two beers?\u201d<\/p>\n
The cowboy grins.<\/p>\n
\u201cMy wife and I joined the Baptist Church, so I quit drinking.<\/p>\n
But my brothers still haven\u2019t.\u201d<\/p>\n
LOL!! Hope this joke made you smile! Have a wonderful day!<\/p>\n
**An Old Cowboy Gets Three Wishes**<\/p>\n
A modern-day old cowboy had spent days crossing a scorching desert without water.<\/p>\n
Exhausted and barely conscious, he crawled through the sand convinced his final hour had arrived.<\/p>\n
Then he noticed something sticking out of the dunes.<\/p>\n
Summoning his last bit of strength, he crawled toward it and pulled it free.<\/p>\n
It looked like an old briefcase.<\/p>\n
He opened it.<\/p>\n
With a puff of smoke, out popped a genie.<\/p>\n
But this was no ordinary genie.<\/p>\n
She wore a dull gray dress, an Australian Taxation Office badge, and carried a calculator.<\/p>\n
A sharpened pencil sat behind one ear.<\/p>\n
\u201cWell, old cowboy,\u201d she said. \u201cYou know how this works.<\/p>\n
You get three wishes.\u201d<\/p>\n
The cowboy narrowed his eyes.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m not falling for this. I\u2019m not trusting an ATO auditor genie.\u201d<\/p>\n
The genie shrugged.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat have you got to lose? You\u2019re stranded in the desert with no transportation and no water.\u201d<\/p>\n
The cowboy considered that.<\/p>\n
Fair point.<\/p>\n
\u201cAlright then. First wish\u2014I want to be in a lush oasis with plenty of food and drink.\u201d<\/p>\n
**SHAZAM!**<\/p>\n
Suddenly he stood beside crystal-clear water, surrounded by fruit, delicacies, and jugs of wine.<\/p>\n
\u201cSecond wish?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI want to be richer than I ever dreamed possible.\u201d<\/p>\n
**SHAZAM!**<\/p>\n
Treasure chests appeared everywhere, overflowing with gold, jewels, and precious gems.<\/p>\n
The genie smiled.<\/p>\n
\u201cOne wish left. Make it count.\u201d<\/p>\n
The cowboy thought carefully.<\/p>\n
Then he said, \u201cI wish that no matter where I go, beautiful women will want and need me.\u201d<\/p>\n
The genie grinned.<\/p>\n
**SHAZAM!**<\/p>\n
He instantly turned into a tampon.<\/p>\n
**Moral of the story:**<\/p>\n
If the government offers you anything, there\u2019s usually a string attached.<\/p>\n
+\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2013<\/p>\n
**How Much Money Did I Have?**<\/p>\n
Puzzles come in many forms.<\/p>\n
There are math puzzles, riddles, optical illusions, brain teasers, and classic trick questions designed to make you think twice.<\/p>\n
Here\u2019s one of the oldest and sneakiest riddles around:<\/p>\n
**I had 13 dollars.**<\/p>\n
My mom gave me 10 dollars while my dad gave me 30 dollars.<\/p>\n
My aunt and uncle gave me 100 dollars.<\/p>\n
I had another 5 dollars.<\/p>\n
**How much money did I have?**<\/p>\n
Think carefully before answering.<\/p>\n
A<\/p>\n
B<\/p>\n
C<\/p>\n
**Here Is the Correct Answer**<\/p>\n
Did you figure it out?<\/p>\n
The answer is **18 dollars**.<\/p>\n
Most people add everything together and get distracted by the money they received.<\/p>\n
But the question doesn\u2019t ask how much money you received.<\/p>\n
It asks:<\/p>\n
**\u201cHow much money did I have?\u201d**<\/p>\n
The money you originally had was:<\/p>\n
13 dollars + 5 dollars = 18 dollars.<\/p>\n
Everything else was simply money given to you later.<\/p>\n
Clever, right?<\/p>\n
Sometimes the trick isn\u2019t in the math\u2014it\u2019s in the wording.<\/p>\n
\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014-<\/p>\n
**An Elderly Couple, Bert and Edna, Are Sitting on the Porch Swing**<\/p>\n
An elderly couple, Bert and Edna, are sitting on their porch swing one peaceful Sunday evening.<\/p>\n
They\u2019ve been married for 55 years.<\/p>\n
The sun is setting, birds are chirping, and squirrels are fighting over a single Cheeto in the yard.<\/p>\n
Suddenly Edna sighs.<\/p>\n
\u201cBert, we should talk about our bucket lists.\u201d<\/p>\n
Bert raises an eyebrow.<\/p>\n
\u201cBucket lists? Edna, I\u2019m 87 years old. My bucket list is basically \u2018wake up tomorrow and remember where I left my pants.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n
Edna laughs.<\/p>\n
\u201cNo, really. Before we go, we should each do something we\u2019ve always wanted to do.\u201d<\/p>\n
Bert thinks.<\/p>\n
\u201cAlright. I\u2019ve always wanted to go skydiving.\u201d<\/p>\n
Edna nearly spills her tea.<\/p>\n
\u201cSkydiving? The last time you bent over to tie your shoes, you passed out for three minutes!\u201d<\/p>\n
Bert shrugs.<\/p>\n
\u201cIf I die mid-air, aim me toward the neighbor\u2019s garden.<\/p>\n
I\u2019ve always wanted to haunt him.\u201d<\/p>\n
After they stop laughing, Edna says, \u201cFine. You do yours. I\u2019ll do mine.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat\u2019s yours?\u201d<\/p>\n
A mischievous sparkle appears in her eyes.<\/p>\n
The same one she had in 1965 when she \u201caccidentally\u201d threw Bert\u2019s bowling trophy out the car window.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019ve always wanted to confess something.\u201d<\/p>\n
Bert suddenly looks nervous.<\/p>\n
\u201cConfess what?\u201d<\/p>\n
Edna leans closer.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou know how your recliner mysteriously leaned left for twenty years?\u201d<\/p>\n
Bert nods.<\/p>\n
\u201cYeah. I blamed the dog.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWell\u2026 it was me.<\/p>\n
I jammed a spatula underneath it after you spilled grape soda on my new curtains.\u201d<\/p>\n
Bert gasps.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou monster.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd remember when the TV remote kept switching to the Hallmark Channel?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou said it was haunted!\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNope. I glued a penny inside the battery compartment.\u201d<\/p>\n
Bert stares at her in disbelief.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou made me watch Christmas romances for five straight years?\u201d<\/p>\n
Edna smiles sweetly.<\/p>\n
\u201cRevenge takes time.\u201d<\/p>\n
After a long silence, Bert leans back.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou know what, Edna? I have a confession too.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOh?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou remember all those fishing trips every Saturday?\u201d<\/p>\n
Edna narrows her eyes.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou don\u2019t fish.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI know.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThen where were you?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAt the bowling alley.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat?!\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI won four trophies.\u201d<\/p>\n
Edna freezes.<\/p>\n
\u201cWait\u2026 four trophies?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYep.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThey\u2019re hidden behind the water heater.\u201d<\/p>\n
Edna gasps.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou mean the trophy I threw out the car window was a decoy?\u201d<\/p>\n
Bert grins.<\/p>\n
\u201cExactly.\u201d<\/p>\n
They both burst into laughter.<\/p>\n
And from that day on, Bert went skydiving, Edna bought a new recliner, and every Saturday they went bowling together\u2014mostly to keep an eye on each other.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Drunk guy gets pulled over. Officer starts doing sobriety tests on him. The final test the officer says, \u201cIf you can pass this last test, I\u2019ll let you go\u2026 use the words green, pink, and yellow in one sentence.\u201d The drunk man squints, scratches his head, and thinks for a moment. The officer waits, convinced […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":6,"featured_media":29900,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-29902","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-tales"],"yoast_head":"\n