Father Murphy walked into a pub in Donegal and said to the first man he met, \u201cDo you want to go to heaven?\u201d<\/p>\n
The man immediately replied, \u201cI do, Father.\u201d<\/p>\n
The priest pointed toward the door and said firmly, \u201cThen leave this pub right now!\u201d<\/p>\n
Without another word, the man hurried out.<\/p>\n
Father Murphy then approached a second man and asked, \u201cDo you want to go to heaven?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cCertainly, Father,\u201d the man answered.<\/p>\n
\u201cThen leave this den of Satan at once,\u201d the priest declared.<\/p>\n
The man quickly finished his sip and rushed outside.<\/p>\n
Finally, Father Murphy walked over to O\u2019Toole, who had been quietly watching the entire exchange.<\/p>\n
\u201cDo you want to go to heaven?\u201d the priest asked.<\/p>\n
\u201cNo, I don\u2019t, Father,\u201d O\u2019Toole replied calmly.<\/p>\n
The pub fell silent.<\/p>\n
The priest stared at him in disbelief.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou mean to tell me that when you die, you don\u2019t want to go to heaven?\u201d<\/p>\n
O\u2019Toole looked around the room, smiled, and said, \u201cOh, when I die, yes, Father.\u201d<\/p>\n
The priest frowned.<\/p>\n
\u201cThen what do you mean?\u201d<\/p>\n
O\u2019Toole raised his glass and chuckled.<\/p>\n
\u201cI thought you were getting a group together to go right now.\u201d<\/p>\n
A Sunday School teacher of pre-schoolers was concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus Christ because of all the Christmas season emphasis on His birth.<\/p>\n
He wanted to make sure they understood that Jesus was born a long time ago, grew up, and continued His work.<\/p>\n
So he asked the class, \u201cWhere is Jesus today?\u201d<\/p>\n
Steven eagerly raised his hand.<\/p>\n
\u201cHe\u2019s in heaven.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cVery good,\u201d said the teacher.<\/p>\n
Mary was next.<\/p>\n
\u201cHe\u2019s in my heart.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cExcellent answer.\u201d<\/p>\n
Then Little Johnny began waving his hand so furiously that he nearly fell out of his chair.<\/p>\n
\u201cI know! I know!\u201d<\/p>\n
The teacher sighed and called on him.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhere is Jesus today, Johnny?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe\u2019s in our bathroom!\u201d<\/p>\n
The classroom instantly went silent.<\/p>\n
A few children gasped.<\/p>\n
One girl dropped her crayon.<\/p>\n
The teacher blinked twice, completely unsure how to respond.<\/p>\n
After several awkward seconds, he finally asked, \u201cJohnny… how do you know Jesus is in your bathroom?\u201d<\/p>\n
Johnny shrugged.<\/p>\n
\u201cWell, every morning my dad pounds on the bathroom door and yells, \u2018Jesus Christ, are you still in there?!\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n
A man is trying to understand the nature of God, time, and the Universe.<\/p>\n
So he asks God, \u201cHow long is a billion years to you?\u201d<\/p>\n
God replies, \u201cA billion years is like a second to me.\u201d<\/p>\n
The man nods thoughtfully.<\/p>\n
\u201cThen how much is a billion dollars to you?\u201d<\/p>\n
God answers, \u201cA billion dollars is like a penny to me.\u201d<\/p>\n
The man smiles.<\/p>\n
\u201cWell then, God, can I have a penny?\u201d<\/p>\n
God smiles back.<\/p>\n
\u201cIn a sec.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014<\/p>\n
A police car pulled up in front of Grandma Bessie\u2019s house.<\/p>\n
Out stepped Grandpa Morris, accompanied by a young officer.<\/p>\n
The officer politely explained, \u201cMa\u2019am, your husband said he got lost in the park and couldn\u2019t find his way home.\u201d<\/p>\n
Grandma Bessie stared at Morris in disbelief.<\/p>\n
\u201cLost?\u201d<\/p>\n
She folded her arms.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou\u2019ve been going to that park for over 30 years! How on earth did you get lost today?\u201d<\/p>\n
The officer waited for an explanation.<\/p>\n
Morris leaned closer to his wife and whispered so only she could hear:<\/p>\n
\u201cI wasn\u2019t lost.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou weren\u2019t?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThen what happened?\u201d<\/p>\n
Morris sighed dramatically.<\/p>\n
\u201cI was just too tired to walk home.\u201d<\/p>\n
A policeman pulls over an old man driving a pickup truck with the bed overflowing with ducks.<\/p>\n
The officer says sternly, \u201cSir, you can\u2019t have a flock of ducks wandering around downtown. Take them to the zoo immediately!\u201d<\/p>\n
The old man nods obediently.<\/p>\n
\u201cAbsolutely, Officer.\u201d<\/p>\n
The next day, the officer spots the same pickup truck.<\/p>\n
The ducks are still there.<\/p>\n
Only now every single one of them is wearing sunglasses.<\/p>\n
The officer slams on his brakes, pulls the truck over, and marches up to the driver.<\/p>\n
\u201cI thought I told you to take those ducks to the zoo!\u201d<\/p>\n
The old man grins.<\/p>\n
\u201cI did.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou did?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSure did.\u201d<\/p>\n
The officer points at the ducks.<\/p>\n
\u201cThen why are they still here?\u201d<\/p>\n
The old man shrugs.<\/p>\n
\u201cWell, we had such a good time at the zoo that today they wanted to go to the beach.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2013<\/p>\n
A cowboy, fresh from Texas, strolls into a bar in Montana and orders three mugs of Bud.<\/p>\n
The bartender serves him.<\/p>\n
The cowboy carries all three mugs to a corner table.<\/p>\n
He takes a sip from one, then the second, then the third, repeating the cycle until all three are empty.<\/p>\n
Curious, the bartender walks over.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou know, beer goes flat pretty fast after it\u2019s poured. It might taste better if you ordered one at a time.\u201d<\/p>\n
The cowboy smiles.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019ve got two brothers. One lives in Arizona and the other in Colorado. Before we left Texas, we promised that whenever any of us had a beer, we\u2019d drink one for each brother too.\u201d<\/p>\n
The bartender nods.<\/p>\n
\u201cThat\u2019s actually kind of touching.\u201d<\/p>\n
For months the cowboy becomes a regular.<\/p>\n
Every visit, three beers.<\/p>\n
Every round, the same ritual.<\/p>\n
Then one evening he walks in and orders only two.<\/p>\n
The entire bar notices.<\/p>\n
Whispers spread.<\/p>\n
The bartender\u2019s face falls.<\/p>\n
When the cowboy returns for another round, the bartender gently says:<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m very sorry for your loss.\u201d<\/p>\n
The cowboy looks puzzled.<\/p>\n
\u201cMy loss?\u201d<\/p>\n
The bartender points at the two beers.<\/p>\n
The cowboy suddenly bursts out laughing.<\/p>\n
\u201cOh, no! Nobody died.\u201d<\/p>\n
The whole bar sighs in relief.<\/p>\n
\u201cThen why only two beers?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWell,\u201d the cowboy says, \u201cmy wife and I joined the Baptist Church.\u201d<\/p>\n
The bartender nods respectfully.<\/p>\n
\u201cSo you quit drinking?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cExactly.\u201d<\/p>\n
He points to the two mugs.<\/p>\n
\u201cBut my brothers are still going strong.\u201d<\/p>\n
LOL!!<\/p>\n
Hope this joke will make you smile! Have a nice day!!<\/p>\n
An Old Cowboy Gets 3 Wishes<\/p>\n
A modern-day old cowboy has spent many days crossing the desert without water.<\/p>\n
The scorching sun beats down relentlessly.<\/p>\n
His lips are cracked.<\/p>\n
His strength is gone.<\/p>\n
Certain that death is near, he notices something sticking out of the sand several yards ahead.<\/p>\n
With his last bit of energy, he crawls toward it.<\/p>\n
To his surprise, it appears to be an old briefcase.<\/p>\n
He pulls it free, wipes away the sand, and opens it.<\/p>\n
Suddenly\u2014POOF!<\/p>\n
Out pops a genie.<\/p>\n
But this is no ordinary genie.<\/p>\n
She wears an AUSTRALIAN TAXATION OFFICE badge, a dull grey dress, and carries a calculator.<\/p>\n
A pencil is tucked neatly behind one ear.<\/p>\n
\u201cWell, old cowboy,\u201d she says. \u201cYou know how this works. You get three wishes.\u201d<\/p>\n
The cowboy narrows his eyes.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m not falling for this.\u201d<\/p>\n
The genie sighs.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy not?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBecause you\u2019re an ATO auditor genie.\u201d<\/p>\n
The genie shrugs.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat do you have to lose? You\u2019re stranded in the desert, dying of thirst, and have no transportation.\u201d<\/p>\n
The old cowboy thinks about it.<\/p>\n
She had a point.<\/p>\n
\u201cAlright then. First wish\u2014I want to be in a lush oasis filled with food and drink.\u201d<\/p>\n
SHAZAM!<\/p>\n
Instantly he finds himself surrounded by palm trees, sparkling water, jugs of wine, and platters of delicious food.<\/p>\n
\u201cExcellent,\u201d says the genie. \u201cSecond wish?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI want to be rich beyond my wildest dreams.\u201d<\/p>\n
SHAZAM!<\/p>\n
Treasure chests appear everywhere.<\/p>\n
Gold coins.<\/p>\n
Diamonds.<\/p>\n
Rare gems.<\/p>\n
Mountains of wealth.<\/p>\n
The genie nods.<\/p>\n
\u201cOne wish left. Make it count.\u201d<\/p>\n
The cowboy thinks for several long minutes.<\/p>\n
Finally he smiles.<\/p>\n
\u201cI wish that no matter where I go, beautiful women will want me and need me.\u201d<\/p>\n
The genie grins.<\/p>\n
\u201cInteresting choice.\u201d<\/p>\n
SHAZAM!<\/p>\n
The cowboy instantly turns into a t-a.mpon.<\/p>\n
Moral of the story:<\/p>\n
If the government offers you anything, there\u2019s probably going to be a string attached.<\/p>\n
+\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2013<\/p>\n
How Much Money Did I Have?<\/p>\n
Puzzles come in many forms.<\/p>\n
Some challenge your math skills.<\/p>\n
Others test your observation.<\/p>\n
And some are designed to trick your assumptions.<\/p>\n
Here is one of those riddles.<\/p>\n
The riddle says:<\/p>\n
I had 13 dollars.<\/p>\n
My mom gave me 10 dollars while my dad gave me 30 dollars.<\/p>\n
My aunt and uncle gave me 100 dollars.<\/p>\n
I had another 5 dollars.<\/p>\n
How much money did I have?<\/p>\n
A<\/p>\n
B<\/p>\n
C<\/p>\n
Here Is the Correct Answer<\/p>\n
Have you figured it out?<\/p>\n
Most people rush to add all the numbers together.<\/p>\n
But the trick is hidden in the wording.<\/p>\n
The question does not ask how much money you received.<\/p>\n
It asks:<\/p>\n
\u201cHow much money DID I have?\u201d<\/p>\n
The correct answer is 18 dollars.<\/p>\n
You originally had 13 dollars and another 5 dollars.<\/p>\n
13 + 5 = 18.<\/p>\n
Everything else was money given to you later.<\/p>\n
A simple riddle\u2014but one that catches many people the first time.<\/p>\n
Clever, right?<\/p>\n
Think carefully and read every word.<\/p>\n
Sometimes the answer is hiding in plain sight.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Father Murphy walked into a pub in Donegal and said to the first man he met, \u201cDo you want to go to heaven?\u201d The man immediately replied, \u201cI do, Father.\u201d The priest pointed toward the door and said firmly, \u201cThen leave this pub right now!\u201d Without another word, the man hurried out. Father Murphy then […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":6,"featured_media":29852,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-29833","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-tales"],"yoast_head":"\n