Two blondes decided to split a can of Diet Coke. One blonde opened the can and poured half the contents into her own glass, and half into her friend\u2019s glass. Before tossing the can, she stopped to read the nutritional information on the side.<\/p>\n
\u201cOnly one calorie per can,\u201d she read aloud. .. ..<\/p>\n
The two of them stared at the glasses in complete silence, each carefully studying the tiny bubbles rising to the top as though the answer might suddenly reveal itself.<\/p>\n
One blonde slowly pushed her glass away.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat are you doing?\u201d asked the other.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m waiting to see which one is safer.\u201d<\/p>\n
. \u201cHmm,\u201d murmured the other blonde. \u201cI wonder which glass has the calorie?\u201d<\/p>\n
The first blonde squinted suspiciously at her drink.<\/p>\n
\u201cMine looks heavier.\u201d<\/p>\n
The second blonde gasped softly and swapped glasses before either of them could take a sip.<\/p>\n
They both sat there for another full minute, too nervous to drink either one.<\/p>\n
Finally, the waitress walked past and asked, \u201cLadies, is everything okay?\u201d<\/p>\n
One blonde nodded seriously.<\/p>\n
\u201cWe\u2019re trying to avoid the calorie.\u201d<\/p>\n
The waitress looked at the untouched glasses, sighed deeply, and muttered, \u201cGood luck finding it.\u201d<\/p>\n
========================<\/p>\n
Chap goes in to a bar and orders a vodka and coke.<\/p>\n
Barman serves him. Man drinks it orders another. This goes on for a while, until the chap begins to slow down.<\/p>\n
By midnight the bar had thinned out. Chairs were stacked upside down on nearby tables, and the neon beer sign flickered faintly in the corner. Still, the man sat there staring into his glass like it contained the secrets of the universe.<\/p>\n
Barman asks, \u201cIs there anything the matter, sir?\u201d<\/p>\n
Chap replies, \u201cI had an enormous argument with the wife. She said she won\u2019t speak to me for a month. I have to sleep on the sofa.\u201d<\/p>\n
The barman nodded sympathetically and leaned on the counter.<\/p>\n
\u201cThat sounds rough.\u201d<\/p>\n
Chap took another slow sip and sighed dramatically.<\/p>\n
Barman says, \u201cBest bet is to stop drinking, go home, and don\u2019t let this argument carry on passed the first night.<\/p>\n
Nip it in the bud.\u201d<\/p>\n
The man looked up with genuine sadness in his eyes.<\/p>\n
Chap says, \u201cYou don\u2019t understand. This is the last night.\u201d<\/p>\n
The barman blinked.<\/p>\n
\u201cThe last night?\u201d<\/p>\n
The chap nodded miserably.<\/p>\n
\u201cTomorrow morning she starts talking again.\u201d<\/p>\n
For a moment the entire bar went silent.<\/p>\n
Then the barman burst out laughing so hard he nearly dropped a glass.<\/p>\n
======================================<\/p>\n
A blonde stopped at a gas station, got out of the car, opened the hood, and checked the engine oil. After a few seconds of what appeared to be intelligent thinking she took the dipstick in her hand and walked over to the attendant.<\/p>\n
The attendant watched cautiously as she approached. She looked deeply concerned, like someone carrying terrible news.<\/p>\n
\u201cExcuse me,\u201d she said, \u201cbut can I buy a longer dipstick?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSure, ma\u2019am, of course. Why do you need a longer one?\u201d<\/p>\n
The attendant expected something complicated involving engine trouble.<\/p>\n
Instead, the blonde held up the dipstick with complete confidence.<\/p>\n
\u2026<\/p>\n
.. .<\/p>\n
\u201cBecause this one isn\u2019t long enough to reach the oil.\u201d<\/p>\n
The attendant stared at her for several seconds, trying to decide whether she was joking.<\/p>\n
She wasn\u2019t.<\/p>\n
Trying to help, he pointed toward the engine.<\/p>\n
\u201cMa\u2019am\u2026 the stick already reached the oil. That\u2019s why there\u2019s oil on the end.\u201d<\/p>\n
The blonde looked down at the dipstick, then back at the car.<\/p>\n
Her eyes widened in amazement.<\/p>\n
\u201cOh!\u201d<\/p>\n
The attendant smiled, relieved the misunderstanding was over.<\/p>\n
Then she added quietly:<\/p>\n
\u201cSo the oil comes up to meet it?\u201d<\/p>\n
The attendant removed his cap, rubbed his forehead, and walked silently back inside the station while another customer nearly fell over laughing beside the pumps.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Two blondes decided to split a can of Diet Coke. One blonde opened the can and poured half the contents into her own glass, and half into her friend\u2019s glass. Before tossing the can, she stopped to read the nutritional information on the side. \u201cOnly one calorie per can,\u201d she read aloud. .. .. The […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":6,"featured_media":24690,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-24687","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-tales"],"yoast_head":"\n