A seriously overweight guy was sprawled across his couch one night, demolishing chips while watching late-night TV, when a flashy commercial caught his attention:<\/p>\n
\u201cGuaranteed! Lose 10 pounds in just ONE week!\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n The guy laughed, wiped cheese dust off his shirt, and thought, What the heck\u2026 why not?<\/em> So he signed up.<\/p>\n The very next morning, his doorbell rang.<\/p>\n Standing outside was the most stunning woman he had ever seen \u2014 long legs, gorgeous smile, wearing nothing but a tiny pair of running shoes and a sign hanging around her neck that read:<\/p>\n \u201cIf you catch me\u2026 you can have me.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n Before he could even speak, she turned and sprinted down the street.<\/p>\n The guy took off after her like his life depended on it.<\/p>\n He puffed, sweated, wheezed, and nearly passed out trying to catch her\u2026 but he never did.<\/p>\n This went on every morning for a week.<\/p>\n By the end of it?<\/p>\n He had lost 10 pounds.<\/p>\n Completely thrilled, he immediately upgraded to the 15-pound program<\/strong>.<\/p>\n The next morning, an even more breathtaking woman appeared at his door \u2014 taller, sexier, and somehow wearing even less.<\/p>\n Same sign.<\/p>\n Same challenge.<\/p>\n This time, he chased her harder than ever. By the end of the week, he could almost touch her.<\/p>\n And just like promised\u2026<\/p>\n He dropped another 15 pounds.<\/p>\n Now totally obsessed, he decided to go all in and signed up for the company\u2019s legendary \u201cUltimate Extreme Program.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n Before joining, he had to sign a waiver filled with warnings about \u201cpsychological intensity\u201d and \u201cextreme motivation tactics.\u201d<\/p>\n Still, he signed it.<\/p>\n The next morning, he confidently opened his front door\u2026<\/p>\n \u2026and nearly died on the spot.<\/p>\n Standing there was a gigantic 300-pound bodybuilder with bulging muscles, hairy chest, tiny running shoes, and a sign around his neck that read:<\/p>\n \u201cIf I catch you\u2026 YOU\u2019RE MINE.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n The company promised he\u2019d lose 25 pounds that week.<\/p>\n He lost 34.\ud83d\ude02<\/span><\/span>\ud83e\udd23<\/span><\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" A seriously overweight guy was sprawled across his couch one night, demolishing chips while watching late-night TV, when a flashy commercial caught his attention: \u201cGuaranteed! Lose 10 pounds in just ONE week!\u201d The guy laughed, wiped cheese dust off his shirt, and thought, What the heck\u2026 why not? So he signed up. The very next […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":24251,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[11],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-24250","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-funny"],"yoast_head":"\n