An elderly couple, Bert and Edna, are sitting on their porch swing one quiet Sunday evening. They\u2019ve been married for 55 years. The sun is sinking behind the trees, birds are chirping, and they\u2019re sipping lukewarm tea while watching two squirrels in the yard wrestle over a lone Cheeto like it\u2019s a gold medal.<\/p>\n
Out of the blue, Edna sighs.<\/p>\n
\u201cBert, let\u2019s talk about our bucket lists.\u201d<\/p>\n
Bert raises an eyebrow.
\u201cBucket lists? Edna, I\u2019m 87. My list is down to \u2018wake up tomorrow\u2019 and \u2018remember where I left my pants.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n
Edna chuckles. \u201cI\u2019m serious. Before we go, we should each do one thing we\u2019ve always wanted to do.\u201d<\/p>\n
Bert thinks for a moment, then says, \u201cAlright. I\u2019ve always wanted to go skydiving.\u201d<\/p>\n
Edna\u2019s eyes widen. \u201cSkydiving?! The last time you tied your shoes, you passed out for three minutes!\u201d<\/p>\n
Bert shrugs. \u201cIf I die mid-air, just make sure I land in the neighbor\u2019s yard. I\u2019ve always wanted to haunt him.\u201d<\/p>\n
They laugh, and Edna finally nods.
\u201cFine. You skydive. I\u2019ll do mine.\u201d<\/p>\n
Bert squints at her. \u201cAnd what\u2019s yours?\u201d<\/p>\n
A familiar mischievous sparkle appears in Edna\u2019s eyes\u2014the same one she had back in 1965 when she had \u2018accidentally\u2019 launched his bowling trophy out of the car window.<\/p>\n
\u201cI want to confess something,\u201d she says softly.<\/p>\n
Bert gulps. \u201cConfess what?\u201d<\/p>\n
She leans in. \u201cRemember how your recliner leaned left for 20 years?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYeah. I blamed the dog. Poor guy limped for weeks.\u201d<\/p>\n
Edna smiles. \u201cIt was me. I jammed a spatula under it after you spilled grape soda on my new curtains in \u201989.\u201d<\/p>\n
Bert gasps. \u201cYou monster!\u201d<\/p>\n
Edna giggles. \u201cAnd the remote that only played the Hallmark Channel?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou said it was haunted!\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNope. I glued a penny in the battery slot. You watched five years of Christmas romance movies\u2014every. single. one.\u201d<\/p>\n
Bert stares at her, horrified. \u201cWhy would you do that?!\u201d<\/p>\n
She sips her tea, calm as ever. \u201cBecause revenge is best served with mistletoe and slow-motion snowball fights.\u201d<\/p>\n
After a long pause, Bert leans back and grins.
\u201cWell, Edna\u2026 I\u2019ve got a confession too. Those Saturday \u2018fishing trips\u2019?\u201d<\/p>\n
Edna nods. \u201cYes?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBowling league. I won four trophies.\u201d<\/p>\n
Her jaw drops. \u201cI threw one out the window!\u201d<\/p>\n
They burst into laughter, their tea forgotten, the squirrels still arguing in the yard.<\/p>\n
Weeks later, Bert went skydiving. Edna bought a brand-new recliner\u2014perfectly level. And every Saturday after that, they bowled side by side, not for strikes or spares, but to keep each other honest.<\/p>\n
Years later, they passed away peacefully in a car accident and found themselves standing before the Pearly Gates.<\/p>\n
St. Peter greeted them with a warm smile.
\u201cWelcome. Here you\u2019ll have a dream kitchen, championship golf courses, and a buffet that never ends. No cost. No calories. No cholesterol.\u201d<\/p>\n
Bert blinked. \u201cWait\u2026 no bran muffins? No sugar-free pudding? No baked, skinless, joyless chicken?\u201d<\/p>\n
St. Peter laughed. \u201cNope. Eat whatever you like.\u201d<\/p>\n
Bert slowly turned to Edna, eyes wide with realization.<\/p>\n
\u201cWoman,\u201d he said, shaking his head, \u201cif it weren\u2019t for your healthy cooking\u2026 we could\u2019ve been here ten years ago!\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
An elderly couple, Bert and Edna, are sitting on their porch swing one quiet Sunday evening. They\u2019ve been married for 55 years. The sun is sinking behind the trees, birds are chirping, and they\u2019re sipping lukewarm tea while watching two squirrels in the yard wrestle over a lone Cheeto like it\u2019s a gold medal. Out […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":18067,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[11,13],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-10620","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-funny","category-reels"],"yoast_head":"\n