“This can’t be…” Katya whispered, horrified as she looked at the slightly open bedroom door. She didn’t see her husband, but those unfamiliar eyes mockingly staring right at her — she would never forget them.
Shock.
Stupor.
Complete confusion about what to do and refusal to accept the reality of what had just happened.
She stood like a statue in the middle of the room, unable to move, still staring at that cursed gap between the door and the frame, as if death itself was hiding behind it.
“Oh… hi?” her husband finally noticed her and easily jumped off the bed. “What are you doing here? Aren’t you already on the plane?”
He approached her, speaking so calmly as if nothing unusual had happened. As if she really had left and now had just come back early.
There was no trace of confusion or guilt in his voice. It was ordinary, like they were discussing the weather or dinner menu.
Katya saw a flash of irritation in his eyes, but he quickly composed himself and shrugged:
“I’ll see the girl out and come back…”
He went into the bedroom and quietly added before closing the door:
“Get dressed, sunshine…”
That “sunshine” felt like a slap in the face. It was what snapped Katya out of her stupor.
“So that’s how it is… So those words are in your vocabulary, Edik,” she thought bitterly. “Just not for me. How naive I was… I looked everywhere for reasons why he drifted away, read psychologists’ advice, tried to fix everything. And all this time it was for nothing. It was simple… and at the same time incredibly disgusting.”
Katya automatically dialed her mother’s number.
“Hi, you’re not out in the park with Marusya yet? No? At the exit? It’s okay, I’m coming over now. Wait half an hour, I don’t have the keys. Okay?”
She was only sixteen when she first saw Edik — a friend of her older friend Alyonka’s brother.
She saw him and hopelessly fell in love. He seemed like a god, Apollo, the ideal man impossible not to fall for.
That day they were celebrating that very brother’s birthday at a cafe. At first, Katya didn’t want to go — too many strangers, too noisy. But Alyonka insisted.
That evening changed Katya’s fate. She chose one path out of thousands — and followed it.
“Baby, you’re still too young,” Edik smirked when Katya, blushing, asked him to dance. “You’re pretty, like a doll. But a kid. I don’t hang out with minors.”
“I’m sixteen! And I already have an ID!”
“Oh… well, if you have an ID, then it’s okay,” he smiled.
That smile was the most beautiful thing Katya had ever seen in her life. Then she understood: he was the love of her life.
Edik walked her back to the table, thanked her for the dance, and never looked her way again all evening. His attention was fully taken by a tall blonde who never let him go.
“But she’s old!” Katya protested, nearly crying. “She’s clearly over twenty-five! That means she’s older than him!”
Unable to wait for the end of the evening, Katya called a taxi and left for home, citing a call from her parents and their strict orders to return.
After that, she became a frequent visitor at Alyonka’s, hoping to meet Edik there.
“Let’s take a walk,” her friend persuaded her. “Summer, sun… Why stay at home?”
But Katya found a thousand reasons to stay home. At first, Alyonka was puzzled, then she understood.
“You’re waiting for Edik? You’re such a silly girl! Okay, I’ll warn you when he comes over with Pashka.”
Since then, that was how it went: as soon as Edik entered the apartment, Katya would show up within an hour.
But he never even noticed her.
“Why?! I’m pretty, everyone says so. Maybe he has someone serious? That blonde?” she asked her friend.
“No, he has no one,” Alyonka reassured. “I asked Pasha.”
Those words made Katya’s heart soar.
She knew: she would be with him. She absolutely would. He was just afraid she wasn’t eighteen yet. But in a year and a half — she would be. And then…
Then everything would change.
Katya started counting down the days to her adulthood. All the while, she kept hope — Edik would notice her as a woman. She watched him, waited, caught every moment when their paths crossed.
“All good, baby?” he casually said during one meeting.
The word “baby” grated on her ears. Katya was angry: she wasn’t a child! Why couldn’t he see that in front of him was already an adult woman, just very young?
She knew he had girlfriends — blondes, friends of friends, acquaintances. Each time Katya mentally wished: let this one be temporary. Let him wait. Wait for her.
Katya also dated guys. Not seriously. At first, she didn’t even allow kissing — saving herself for her beloved.
But once a bold athlete kissed her first. And… she liked it. Unexpectedly, sharply, almost painfully — but pleasantly.
She didn’t resist when the hands of a handsome volleyball player her age wrapped around her, first gently, then more confidently.
“The main thing is not to allow too much,” she comforted her conscience after the date. “Only Edik will be the first for real.”
She still loved him. Believed that once she turned eighteen, everything would change. That then he would understand: she was made for him.
Nevertheless, Katya continued to go on dates, allowing young men more attention and intimacy.
The only taboo was real intimacy. But she considered other forms of closeness acceptable — for example, what a charming barista at a cafe had taught her.
More than that, she often practiced such relationships, considering herself a pure girl who “saved herself” for the one.
On her eighteenth birthday, Katya insisted on a big party. To her parents’ surprise, they agreed. Friends and family were invited… and, of course, Alyonka with her brother and his friend — Edik.
“Just don’t you dare convince Pashka to bring Edik,” she almost tearfully begged her friend.
“Calm down, they’ll come. They promised.”
Katya knew: today everything would be decided. Today she would show him she had grown up, was desirable, loving. That she was exactly the one he needed.
She had rich experience in seduction and was sure Edik wouldn’t resist. And when he realized she had saved herself only for him… Oh yes! That would be the best gift for her eighteenth birthday.
“Wow! You’re like… Miss Universe! The most beautiful girl on the planet!” Edik mockingly looked her over.
Katya flushed — there was no respect in his voice, only condescending irony. He still saw her as a kid.
“I’m an adult from today,” she replied playfully, sticking out her tongue. “Just remember that.”
She thought to herself: “Wait, darling… You’ll see what I am now. I’ll show you so much you’ll be trailing after me.”
Katya was sure no one could remain indifferent next to her — so young, beautiful, passionate. Her father’s favorite song spun in her head (even if it was sung by a man), but that didn’t matter.
“There will be a night, and you’ll get to know me…” she whispered in Edik’s ear, extending her hand. “Let’s dance.”
No, she was no longer that shy sixteen-year-old girl. Today she was the mistress of her fate. And no one, no blonde, no redhead beauty — no one would cling to Edik. Never again.
Edik was hers. Her conquered, hard-won victory. Her birthday gift.
So imagine her disappointment when she saw him heading for the exit, already in his outerwear.
“No!” she screamed inside.
“Wait, Edik, that’s not fair!” she whispered after him, her voice trembling. “At least stay for an hour. You’re going to miss the main thing. A surprise for you. Come… Now… I’ll show you everything…”
She pulled him after herself, trying to be insistent, feeling everything would be decided now.
She had already chosen the place — a quiet room in the utility area where no one would find them.
“Damn! Why didn’t you warn me?!” Edik said almost hurt when it was over.
Katya expected very different words. She had tried. Used all her arsenal, was tender, passionate, convincing. She was sure he liked it. Besides, he had to understand: he was her first.
“What’s wrong? Why are you angry?” she asked, feeling cold inside.
“Why did you do this? Wanted to tie me down?” Edik roughly pushed her hands away, adjusted his clothes, and quickly left the room.
Katya returned to the guests with an empty gaze and pale face.
After that, Edik began avoiding her. Perhaps unintentionally. She just started feeling indifferent. And she decided to “give up.”
Katya threw herself into studying. Stopped showing up at parties. Avoided guys — their attention irritated her. She was rude, snapped, sent away even those who just wanted to compliment her.
And two months later, she found out she was pregnant.
“Who is he?! Who is this scoundrel?!” her father was beside himself.
Katya was silent, staring at the floor.
“Katya… maybe it’s not too late?..” her mother quietly asked. “Maybe you should still get rid of it?”
“No! I won’t do that. I love him.”
“Who?!” her parents exclaimed in unison.
Then she confessed.
“Your son seduced our girl!” her father angrily declared at a meeting with Edik’s parents. “He’s an adult — twenty-six, and she just turned eighteen! They have to get married!”
“But how do you force a person into marriage against their will? And what’s the use? There’s no happiness in such unions…”
“Do you want your guy to be in prison? Because I’ll prove that Katya was underage at the moment of conception! She was born exactly at midnight. And it all happened in the evening. So decide for yourselves.”
“Do as you see fit,” her mother-in-law sighed. “But who would voluntarily marry for a child?”
“We’ll make him,” her father firmly answered. “Or he’ll answer by law. Happiness in marriage is optional. He’ll have an apartment, a good job. Katya’s smart, beautiful. What else do you need?”
At the wedding, Edik barely looked at the bride. When they shouted “bitter” (the Russian tradition to shout “горько” meaning “kiss the bride”), he barely touched her lips — cold, indifferent.
However, after the honeymoon organized by Katya’s parents in hope of reconciliation, life seemed to settle into a familiar routine.
But even then Katya began to understand: it was all a mistake. Her youthful, almost mad passion for Edik turned out not to be love but obsession. How she wished she could take it all back… But it was too late — now Marusya was there, whose first funny cry reminded Katya that all this was reality. Reality where she and Edik grew further apart every day.
“Strange girl you have,” her mother-in-law once remarked. “She’s unlike anyone. Neither you nor Katerina.”
Edik, previously indifferent to the child, looked intently at his daughter, snorted, but said nothing. He knew exactly that Katya had been pure before him. But from that day on, he began to get irritated more often, pick fights about everything, shout. Sometimes he even raised his hand. Once he hit her.
“I fell myself,” Katya told her parents, hiding tears and bitterness.
From that moment on, her husband stopped hiding his cruelty. And Katya made a decision.
Alena had long urged her to come to St. Petersburg, where she moved after marriage. And learning what was happening in Katya’s family, she insisted:
“Run from him. Come to me with Marusya. Live here, calm down. File for divorce. Then, if you want, sell the apartment and stay here forever. But for now — leave. Right now.”
“I’m going to visit Alena,” Katya told her husband while packing.
“For long?”
“For a couple of weeks.”
“Why so many things?”
“Well… because I’m leaving. Forever. I can’t do this anymore. You never loved me. I loved you.”
“And now? Don’t love me?” Edik’s voice trembled.
“Maybe…”
And then he hugged her for the first time in a long while.
“Forgive me… I really behaved like a jerk. Didn’t appreciate you… And we do have Marusya…”
Katya’s heart raced faster, like when she was sixteen.
“Come back… please…”
“I don’t know… I’m not ready yet.”
In the days before her departure, Edik acted differently. Tender, attentive. Played with their daughter, spoke kind words to his wife. Katya felt warmth inside again. And almost gave in.
“I’ll come back,” she whispered before entering the departure hall with Marusya. “See you soon.”
“I’ll wait,” Edik shouted. “Please come back!”
Katya turned around, her heart aching at the thought of the upcoming separation. She fought herself not to turn back and stay. She got on the plane, sat Marusya by the window.
“That’s it, too late now. No way back,” she tried to convince herself as the engine powered up and the plane slowly began to move.
But about thirty minutes later the announcement interrupted the plans:
“Flight canceled for technical reasons. Passengers please proceed to the terminal for rebooking on the next flight, leaving in an hour.”
Having collected her luggage, Katya checked her suitcase into storage… and changed her ticket to tomorrow.
Her heart longed to return. She couldn’t get Edik’s sad look out of her head as she left. Maybe he really had changed? Maybe he felt something?
She took Marusya to her mother; her father was staying at the dacha. She went home herself. Wanted to see his eyes when he realized she was back. Wanted to feel that moment.
If only he was home…
Katya opened the door and realized — Edik was home.
Only the light spilled out of the bedroom, soft saxophone music floated through the room.
She didn’t take off her shoes. Her heart pounded. Jealousy again. Pain again.
Entering the bedroom, she was ready for anything. But not this.
“This can’t be…” she whispered, frozen on the threshold.
She didn’t see her husband. But the eyes of a stranger man mockingly looking at her from the bed — she would remember forever.
It was him — the very person Edik called “sunshine.” Not a woman. Not a mistress. A man.
And Katya suddenly understood: he never loved her. Never could. And she… had clung too long to an illusion that finally and irrevocably collapsed.
The next day Katya flew to St. Petersburg. Without looking back. Without regrets.
There she began a new life. Soon only Marusya reminded her of the past. Of how many years she had madly loved a man who could never love her back.
Sometimes she wondered: how could she have been so wrong? How could she have given so many years of her life to a man who was alien to her in essence?
There was no answer. Only the realization: sometimes love is just self-deception. And the way out of it is to start over.
